If you are lucky enough to have had successful IVF treatment, have you told your child how they were conceived?(33 Posts)
My IVF conceived DS is 10 years old and about to learn sex education at school. DH and I are undecided whether to tell him he was conceived by IVF so would really appreciate any experience you can share in terms of telling children, age of telling them and how they reacted.
My dd is 7 and was born 3 years after her father/my dh died. She is at the stage of wanting to know about it all and I always answer her questions honestly and as simply as I can. At the moment she hasn't put 2 and 2 together about the time difference but I'm sure that will come up at some point in the future. If she asks me something like, what did daddy say when I was born for example then naturally that will trigger the conversation but I only ever answer the questions when raised by her, I never instigate it as I feel she asks as and when she needs to know. Sorry long winded explanation.
I am currently pg with twins via a double donation (sperm and eggs) abroad. Our immediate family know the full circumstances of conception and the rest of the family know we have had IVF as we have been TTC for 7 yrs and had 3 mc and one bio-chem pg.
We plan to tell our children how they were conceived and how much help we needed to bring them into the world as soon as they can understand.
DS is only 18 months I plan to tell him all the time (IYSWIM) in the context of where do babies come from - but there is part of me that thinks it will confuse the hell out of him. I can't imagine it being an issue and don't want to make it one.
One of my brother's friends found out she was IVF at the age of 17 during a drunken conversation at Christmas. Her parent's assumed she knew (despite clearly never having told her...!) She wasn't that bothered but I could see how she might have been.
I have two IVF girls (not twins) conceived with the help of an egg donor - they both know already, and are happy to talk about it (aged 6 and 9).
dd1 said the other day 'I like being an egg donor baby, I feel special' and then proceeded to say she thought dd2's donor must have been 'a goblin, because dd2 is such a goblin'
But its all lighthearted. They've known since they were old enough to enjoy story books (I made them each a storybook of their own) but obviously, there is more to it than means of conception. I think if it was 'just' IVF, I wouldn't worry about when to start - whenever the child asks questions, maybe? Just to let them know there are other means of conception when the usual means doesn't work, and that they are one of the special ones!
DD is 3 and when we drive past the hospital I tell her that was where she was "made" and then the doctors put her into mummy's tummy so she could grow.
We will, of course, be having the sex education talk when she is older, but I want to make that more about "sex does makes babies but is mostly about expressing a loving relationship". I dislike the focus on "sex education = baby making education" and would like more on "sex education = how to build a healthy sexual relationship".
I'm so thrilled that my IVF/ICSI worked that I wouldn't hesitate to tell him when he's old enough. He's only 12 weeks at the min but he was very much longed for. I have no reason not to tell him - deliberately hiding it would be like I had some reason to hide it from him.
I can give you my sympathy on you loss but there is a ray of light. So many women have early miscarriages and have children. I lost early on one round of Fertility treatment using frozen embryos BUT on the next attempt with embryos from the same batch it worked & I'm over on this now. My sister-in-law conceived naturally then MC @ wk7 but now has 2 gorgeous boys. Her story is not unusual. I sometimes wonder if some of us need a practise run at pregnancy so the next time or bodies are more prepared and do the job.
...I'm over 6months pregnant now (it should have said in middle of post)
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