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TTC 26 months

(15 Posts)
Griffomais Wed 21-Nov-12 17:56:24


I'm new to this hoping to speak to some people in a similar situation. I'm at a very low point have been TTC of 26 months have had various tests and investigations which seem to show there I nothing wrong with me, my husband has had his sperm tested and I ok too. Don't know how to cope with the way I am feeling I am so emotional all the time and it's starting to affect my marriage. I can't accept that I can't conceive. I feel lost :0(

MissSlapAndTipple Wed 21-Nov-12 18:43:05

Hi Griff!!!
Sorry to hear you are feeling so low, it's understandable after trying for that long. I'm in a similar boat, we are over the three year mark now and it really does become disheartening and upsetting. There isn't really much I can say to make you feel better. When I had a really awful phase back at the start of the year I spent a bit of time looking up techniques for coping on the Internet. It wasn't full of 'be positive and relax it'll happen' type stuff. I managed to find some quite good stuff on coming to terms with not being able to conceive. Ill see if I can dig it out. All that said, you are not alone, there is a miserable bitter but lovely and wonderfully supportive bunch of us on the conception forum in the BESH thread and we are all in the same boat so feel free to join us, we all support one another as much as we can xx

Griffomais Wed 21-Nov-12 19:09:28

Thank You for your message it's so nice to speak to someone going through the same thing. At the moment I am struggling each day but you've given me some hope just knowing there is support out there.x

MissSlapAndTipple Wed 21-Nov-12 19:31:30

I have phases where I don't cope very well to the point where I was crying all the time and trying to hide my sadness from everyone. One thing I read that really helped said that you need to recognise that you need to grieve, just take 15 minutes a day and let all that grief out, cry, scream, sob or head butt a pillow for those 15 minutes. Anyway I tried it and it really worked, it was just a way of coping and within a week of having a good cry every morning I started to need less crying time and eventually I felt more on top of my feelings again.

I never deny myself a good cry now. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to keep our sadness hidden away and that's really not how it should be. Infertility is a very understandable reason to be upset and sad. Keep talking to your husband, it's hard sometimes, especially as I think men deal with it so differently to women but it is really important to keep talking.

hartmel Thu 22-Nov-12 04:37:00

I'm in the exact shoe as you.. It is 26 month for us too... We have seen so many doctors already that I'm already sick and tired of going to an appt...
Did your doctor show you the results for your thyroid. Mine never did, 3 weeks ago I found out that I have an under active thyroid. The result came out to 4.95. But I googled it and from all the sites I found out the best result to get pregnant is at 2.0 ..

Also what we are doing now is moving to a different country... You don't have to move but go on a long vacation, I can tell you it will help.. Sometimes all the test are normal but when you have stress such as at work, TTC, family etc... Your hormones are starting to block...

As the previous person wrote cry a lot. I did it for 3 month. That even my friends and family thought I was dealing with depression. I'm not 100% free but I take it easier now and my husband is a big support in this topic.. I don't cry when my period comes.. I don't have a problem when friends and family around me get pregnant... I still have days where I wish that I can finally tell my husband he will be a daddy soon...

Sorry it got long...
You can gladly send me a personal message.
They don't have hug smiley here but feel yourself hugged from someone that is feeling like you..

Rachel184 Thu 22-Nov-12 18:28:35

I'm writing this as a beacon of hope to you and everyone else who has been constantly trying but getting no where. I have been TTC for 3.8 years, it took me a year to get pregnant first time , I conceived on holiday but went on to MC at 5 weeks. Completely heartbroken, the doctors said dont worry about it , lots of pregnancies end..... Blah blah blah, thanks for that nugget of wisdom but it doesn't help me!!!

I then continued to try and get pregnant and my periods just kept coming, I became more emotional and angry as each month passed after the year I stopped trying, wallowed in pity and wine for a few months and then decided to try again. Nothing happened so I decided to try ovulation kits, I spent a fortune in them and soon noticed I wasn't ovulating. This time I went back to the docs and demanded they look at me in more depth (I had been a few times before, but my doctor is like a wet weekend and I had to fight to be taken seriously)

After a long wait to see a consultant at my local hospital, I had all the tests going and everything was normal!!!! I just thought WTF!!!!! My period cycle is 42 days at the moment but has gone up to 59 days , that's no right eh?! Then they added a new nugget saying that I don't ovulate. My heart sunk, no ovulation no baby.

They made me an appointment to start clomid 9 weeks later. For the first time in 3 years I relaxed. Something was being done!! Last week I was munching on my usual hummus and heaved my guts up!! I was complaining that my boobs were tender as hell. My other half said i bet your pregnant , I told him to do one because I feel like my period was coming. Saturday just gone , I did a test and it was positive, my jaw hit the floor, followed by a river of tears.

They said I didn't ovulate, it's taken me 3 years and hopefully this time it's gonna go ok, I'm only early 5.5 weeks but I'm pregnant and I'm amazed!! I resigned myself to being surrounded by dogs and being a favourite auntie.

I think the common denominator for me is stress, the only time I conceived was when I wasn't stressed and I always am, I'm a Virgo it's the way I am. I'm so sorry you feel the way you do and trust me I know your pain, but hang in there!! It'll happen , be kind to yourself and try to chill out

Good luck xxxxxx

Rachel184 Thu 22-Nov-12 18:31:18

Just to clarify I haven't yet had my appointment to start taking clomid.

Griffomais Thu 22-Nov-12 22:05:23

THANK YOU ALL - I am beginning to feel like I am not alone. Rachel I am thrilled for you!! Hartmel I hope you get good news soon. MissSlapandTipple you're messages saved me and brought me back from a very dark place - I am going to stop wallowing in self pity and try and find th happy person I know I can be. I really wish I had come to this site sooner. I had all but given up but now I feel like I can cope.x

Rachel184 Thu 22-Nov-12 22:50:10

You aren't alone hon, these sites are great to get your worries off your chest and get some feedback from people with similar experiences. It is so hard when you want something desperately and your not getting it. You have your husband who loves you and hates seeing you so upset. He is your biggest support , that's how I've coped so far - my other half is my sounding board. We all get what we deserve in the end and as you have no medical conditions its only a matter of time before you have your bundle. It's now nearly party time (Xmas , yey!!! smile get some new dancing shoes, go out and let your hair down! There's no better cure for the blues than going out with your friends and having a scream ;) x

EuroShagmore Sat 24-Nov-12 21:38:57

Hi Griff. I am on my 26th cycle of futile fucking, also "unexplained". It's miserable, isn't it?

I hang out on the 10+monthers and BESH threads over in Conception usually and have found them to be very supportive and a great source of info. There are other Conception cliques too (including a large bunch of optimists!) but those are the two that work for me.

I'm actually in quite a good place mentally now, although I have had some very dark times over the past year or so. This is an immensely tough thing to go through.

Griffomais Sun 25-Nov-12 18:56:36

Hi Euro

It is certainly miserable! Thanx I'll check out those threads.

Glad to hear you are in a good place - I'm hoping to get there myself very soon.

AF is due this week and I just know I am going to breakdown - so angry - if I could get rid of the anger I would be feeling a bit better.

If anyone else asks me "when are you going to start a family" I'm going to scream. People just don't realise that for some people it not that simple.

Sorry bit of a rant there sad

EuroShagmore Mon 26-Nov-12 17:52:42

We've been open about our troubles with most of our friends and family, which stops the vast majority of the stupid comments. I know this approach is not for everyone though! Almost everyone we have told has been supportive and sensitive. The disappointment is my mum, who changes the subject whenever I raise it (when I could really use her support). My friends and my husband's family have been marvellous though. And telling people has brought a lot of other people who are struggling out of the woodwork, which together with the conception groups is great for helping me not to feel alone going through this.

Griffomais Mon 26-Nov-12 19:29:08


I'm sorry your Mum hasn't been more supportive but I'm so glad you've got good friends and family. Life's a bit@h and unfair isn't it. Can. Ask how you managed to get through the really dark times?

EuroShagmore Tue 27-Nov-12 14:08:35

I'm not really sure tbh! I have a very supportive other half and my two closest friends have IVF babies, so they have been there and have been a great help.

Also, earlier this year, we decided we needed an absorbing hobby to take our minds of things, so we both took up shooting. It is a great stress reliever and gets us out of London for the days when we are doing it. We have also taken two really nice (and expensive) holidays this year, neither of which would have been easy with a baby in tow. So distraction I guess!

Griffomais Tue 27-Nov-12 22:01:47

Distraction sounds perfect. Was just saying to my husband today a nice luxurious holiday is on the cards for us next year hopefully the planning will take my mind off things. Thanks for your advice :0)

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