Government rebuked over global warming nursery rhyme adverts

[IvaNighSpare]

Inspired by the news here in the Telegraph regarding the banned adverts using adapted nursery rhymes to teach children about climate change, my local radio station laid a challenge to listeners to re-write other nursery rhymes in the same manner.
I thought you talented Mumsnetters would like a go.
Here are my offerings:

1. I had a litle nut tree, nothing would it bear
   But a mutant nutmeg and a glowing pear
   The minister for DEFRA paid me a visitation
   And fined me £50K for my nuclear power station
   
   2)Mary, Mary, quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?
   Mainly thanks to Genetic Modification
   
   3)Baa, baa black sheep have you any wool?
   No-due to a failed cloning incident, we've all mutated into freak bald monsters
   
   
2. London Bridge is falling down,
   A freak tsunami washed up the Thames, broaching the barrier and taking most of Essex with it
   
   I was bored, please entertain me, bet you could do better

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
When the global timber industry cuts swathes through the ancient rainforests and renders millions of species of flora and fauna extinct, your cradle will rock
When the tree is pushed over by a huge machine, ripping out the roots and causing unnecessary irreparable damage to the ground because it's marginally cheaper than logging in the traditional fashion, your cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Lavender's blue, dilly dilly
Lavender's green
When I am king, dilly dilly,
I shall genetically modify the lavender to increase yield and concentrate the scent

Lavender's irridescent, dilly dilly...

[IvaNighSpare]

nice ones

[pregnochicklol]

hahah loved that one tortoise

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Come on, there must be more poets on here
$

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Oh, well, if you're going to be fancy and actually scan and rhyme...

[oricella]

Row row row your boat
Gently through the road
The RNLI has lifted you from the house
Your garden is a moat

(true story)

[OrmRenewed]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
He fell with a splash and scream,
Into the sea where his house had once been.

[atlantis]

Twinkle twinkle little star
planets are warming near and far
some do say it's man made gas
but cows are not farting on pluto in mass
if ministers had a physics degree
they would also have to agree
it's down to the sun and corona mass
nothing to do with man made gas
i'm fed up with paying green tax
cos the IPCC manipulated there facts.

[IvaNighSpare]

lovin' these. keep 'em coming please!

[AgentZigzag]

Polly put the kettle on
Polly put the kettle on
Polly put the kettle on
But make sure you only put in what you're going to use or you'll be wasting precious energy

Suki take it off again
Suki take it off again
Suki take it off again
We're all going to have fair trade tea

[TheCrackFox]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and promptly drowned
in the man made global disaster

[OrmRenewed]

Oops scan was wrong.... tsk

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
He fell with a splash a thump and a scream,
Into the sea where his house had once been."

[IvaNighSpare]

i'm impressed

[EllieMental]

Old King Coal was a merry old soul,
and a merry Old Soul was he.
Til 'they' called him dirty
And instead built thirty
Nuclear power stations by the sea.

[mayorquimby]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
and despite being an egg even he could see that the notion of man made global warming is a myth.
Then he fell and stuff.

[ftm42]

Little Bo Peep has lost her cloned sheep and doesn't know where to find them

Leave them alone and they won't come home as they'll be rampaging round the countryside due to the chemicals we've fed them with in order to clone them.

[ftm42]

I've been driving in my car
It's not quite a Jag-u-ar
I drove it to Primrose Hill
Where there's an electricity point to charge up the battery.

(adapted from a Madness song!)

OK - not strictly a nursery rhyme! And - did you know that it costs more in CO2 gases to get the electricity there in the first place and that your average electric car emits more gases than a standard diesel? Bet the government won't be publicising that one! Could rant on more about the global panic being caused by global-not-warming, but that's for another forum I think!!

[KurriKurri]

There's a hole in my o-zone layer,
dear Liza, dear Liza.

[cyteen]

If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the woods today, you'd better believe your eyes
Cos all the trees are nothing but stumps
Laid round with bones and white furry lumps
Cos here is where the polar bears have their graveyard.

[hilsjcox]

Not global but my children all sing

Baa baa black sheep
have you any wool,
yes sir yes sir 3 bags full
One for Martha, one for Dave and one for
the little boy who now lives with Dave!

WHY?

[101damnations]

Little boy blue
Come blow your horn
The sheep's in a test tube
The cow's made of quorn
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He's calculating sheep poo per hectare for because of DEFRA/EU red tape.

[IvaNighSpare]