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Jaycee Lee Dugard case, anyone else getting annoyed by people wondering why she didn't 'just leave'?

(31 Posts)
StripeySuit Mon 31-Aug-09 19:37:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecatesTwopenceworth Mon 31-Aug-09 19:40:44

Classic brain washing, wasn't it? I read today something about her being his secretary?

Some kidnap victims end up feeling 'love' for their captors (Stockholm syndrome, is it?) or like I say, end up totally brainwashed so they accept their life and don't think of escaping. They are totally broken down.

Rather like victims of domestic violence.

Jujubean77 Mon 31-Aug-09 19:44:00

They must know very little about the stockholm syndrome and the way the abducted person becomes entirely dependent and reliant on and loyal to their kidnapper.

"Just leaving" is not an option. Kidnapping deeply resents and damages the psyche and human survival instinct is ultimately to bond in some way with your captors. So Tragic sad

Jujubean77 Mon 31-Aug-09 19:44:26

re-sets

StripeySuit Mon 31-Aug-09 19:45:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany Mon 31-Aug-09 19:47:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Mon 31-Aug-09 19:49:32

This girl went from being a child to becoming an adult in the company of this man and woman. They taught her everything she knew from 11 onwards. She went through puberty, possibly had her first period, developed sexually, had babies with him, she would have been taught how to be a mother (what kind of mother no-one knows, but that is besides the point) Of course she found it impossible to leave. Leave to go where? To do what? these people became all she knew, she depended on them to stay alive. How could she leave? How could she know how to leave? We are not talking about a few months of abduction, we are talking an entire lifetime.

Poor woman, poor family who have lost her, even though she has come back.

FairMidden Mon 31-Aug-09 19:51:36

There's a condition known as "learned helplessness" which abused animals can suffer from. An animal which has been chained up and beaten systematically over a prolonged period won't run away if you untie it. It's lie they just accept that they have no control over what happens to them and therefore accept the abuse as inevitable.

I believe a similar condition exists in humans, and I imagine this could be what has happened here.

Also worth bearing in mind that she was captured at 11 years of age. Her entire adult life has been lived in this bizarre situation. Poor girl.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Mon 31-Aug-09 19:56:13

fair exactly - after a while, this would be what she would learn to know as 'normal' to her. Especially if kindness was bestowed at any point. She would become 'grateful'.

eekamoose Mon 31-Aug-09 19:58:19

Yanbu.

I know you have not posted in AIBU - but yanbu anyway.

Poor child.

edam Mon 31-Aug-09 19:58:27

As well as learned helplessness/Stockholm syndrome/whatever coping mechanism we are talking about, Dittany's point is key, I would imagine. Even if the poor woman had been tempted to tell a caller to the house who she was, she must have been frightened the kidnappers would harm her children before the authorities got there.

Psychologist in one of the papers said bonding with the kidnappers probably saved her life, and that of her children.

beanieb Mon 31-Aug-09 20:03:53

I think it's shocking that the authorities missed a chance to catch him earlier. I know something like this is beyond most people's comprehension but they were told that this guy had children in his house and he was a known sex-offender. Surely they had the power to persue the concerns shown by a neighbour a few years ago?

She has spent more time in captivity than she did with her own family so I think it is no wonder she did not try to escape or tell people.

scaredoflove Mon 31-Aug-09 20:15:57

Have people actually said this? That is abhorrent and ignorant in the extreme

God knows what she was told, possibly her parents didn't want her and/or she was in great peril if she spoke out/left. Just so glad she had the gall to leave now (did she leave or was she found?)

I hope she and her children can recover and now can go on and lead a happier life

edam Mon 31-Aug-09 20:29:02

Not only that, but when she was originally snatched, shouldn't they have been checking all registered sex offenders anyway? The guy was supposed to be on parole and yet no-one ever spotted three extra people in his house...

edam Mon 31-Aug-09 20:29:19

well, garden, but YKWIM.

MANATEEequineOHARA Mon 31-Aug-09 20:47:10

I loathe the suggestion she 'should have left' like it was a simple case of walking away. Some people are so ignorant it makes me mad.

And agree, very strange to find this kind of thing can happen at all really, and go on for so long undetected.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 01-Sep-09 00:19:05

That poor girl in Austria has got a lot of grief there because she has visited the grave or her abductor and goes to his house (which belongs to her now I think) to spend time there. She was abducted at age 8 until about 18? shock She's practically a recluse now because she's so scared of peoples' reactions.

People really are cruel in their ignorance sometimes.

hmc Tue 01-Sep-09 00:26:38

People are dense aren't they....(sighs)

I wonder, what kind of life she can now make for herself and her two children.

StripeySuit Tue 01-Sep-09 04:15:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dizzymare Tue 01-Sep-09 05:41:18

I just hope she gets all the help she will need. Re-bonding with her true family after all these years will be so hard. for everyone involved.

I wish her well.

JustKeepSwimming Tue 01-Sep-09 06:44:45

Agree with things said so far, but i think it's just that no-one wants to imagine being so helpless and powerless. That 'if it were Me' feeling I would do something...

I remember ending up talking about the Austrian case and we said, they had saucepans, could they not have clocked him one round the head when he came in and all legged it?! it's just we want to think we would try and escape (& hopefully succeed obv).

Was also thinking about telling my DC one day that if anyone ever told them I didn't want them back, or i wasn't looking for them, NEVER to believe it.
But it is ridiculous of me to think that me saying that would somehow help them try and escape anyway!
And sadly could end up worse off for them

Hope her and her girls can have some kind of life, though she is an adult and free to do what she wants - could even go back to him if he ever gets out of prison again.

I keep thinking 'at least they were in the fresh air and not the basement' - my mind trying to find a silver lining....

TwoIfBySea Tue 01-Sep-09 12:29:00

Yes it is very callous how everyone seems to know just how this young girl should have behaved. As already mentioned the psychological impact would have been enough to have her stay put no matter what - she was 11 FFS.

Also what really irks me is how her children are on the front of newspapers with the headlines that they are the children of evil or whatever crap was written. I mean the damage is going to be enough without the media making them sound like complete and utter freaks simply because of who their father was. I feel so sorry for them and their mother.

mayorquimby Tue 01-Sep-09 12:29:08

"That 'if it were Me' feeling I would do something..."

i've heard a bit of that sort of talk. but that's all it is really, a flippant comment because we don't actually want to think about the realities. in the same way that people will make jokes about a horrific situation or doctors deal in the most macabre and morbid humour, it's not that they specifically find something as horrible as the fritzel case funny, it's just a way of making it less real and processing it.

thankfully i haven't heard anyone really giving it a considered an opinion and then concluding "she should have just left" as others on here have. it just seems ignorant in the extreme and i too would be annoyed by such simplistic suggestions as the OP is.

giveloveachance Tue 01-Sep-09 12:39:52

my fil was asking me just yesterday why she did not leave!!!!! I was shocked, but can can be an ignorant misogynist. I had to explain Stockholm syndrome and remind him she was only 11 and totally under the abductors control with two children to protect from him. Think its a miracle and to her strength of character that she didn't try to kill herself. I feel for the two children as well, the media intrusion will be awful.

expatinscotland Tue 01-Sep-09 12:54:18

YANBU.

She was a child in real fear of her life. A victim of systematic rape.

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