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Sensitive subject - the women with the IVF mix up - WWYD?

(10 Posts)
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Tue 16-Jun-09 09:35:57

May I start this by saying I'm totally pro-choice. I'm also pro-IVF. I am not starting this to have a bun fight or to debate pro-choice vs pro-life. But I have been thinking about this for days and I'm interested to know what people think and what they think they would do.

Ok I have jyst read this more recent report - the first I read said the woman had terminated the pg but in fact she was given the morning after pill which is very different. My WWYD was whether you would continue the pg and either keep the baby or allow the biological parents to adopt it, as it was their last embryo, or terminate it? Knowing that she wasn't even pregnant necessarily I think I feel differently - what do you think?

LeninGrad Tue 16-Jun-09 09:48:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juicychops Tue 16-Jun-09 09:51:36

i think i would have terminated it as the woman did. if the baby wasn't biologically hers would she really have the choice to keep it herself? i wouldn't of thought she would

if i was that desperate to have a baby that i was going through ivf myself and found out i had been given the wrong embryo belonging to some other couple, i couldn't then grow that baby and give birth and then just hand it over. it would be absolutely heartbreaking to put myself through that if i wanted a baby of my own

AMumInScotland Tue 16-Jun-09 10:06:39

Heartbreaking for all concerned, though the BBC report says they may use the compensation money to go for further private treatment, so they may still have a chance of another pregnancy.

I don't think I would have felt able to carry through a pregnancy in those circumstances, either to hand over the baby or to raise it, knowing it was biologically the other couple's child. Either option would be so painful to all involved, given that we're dealing with two couples prepared to go through IVF.

At least it was spotted at once, when the morning after pill could be used. They can all perhaps get some comfort from not knowing if the pregnancy would have happened anyway, whereas a positive test and a termination would have left them in no doubt. Sometimes uncertainty is better. sad for all of them.

MrsTittleMouse Tue 16-Jun-09 10:07:06

I have thought long and hard about it, and there are just to many difficulties. I mean, what if you contacted the embryos parents and offered to carry the child, and then the child had disabilities and they decided that the didn't want it? Or what if you had a dreadful delivery and ended up with a very damaged undercarriage (like me)? Or even worse, if you had an emergency C section and ended up having a hysterectomy? Even in the "best" situation, you would be committing to delaying your own fertility treatment by at least 10 months - and most women having IVF don't have the luxury of time. And I'm not sure if I could go through the process of birth (having wanted a child so desparately) and then in the rush of hormones after delivery, just hand over the child to another woman. The baby that I was craving myself. Which probably makes me a very selfish woman.

I feel dreadful for both women, and I am livid at the clinic. This wasn't just a human error, it was sheer laziness on the part of the clinic to not supervise a trainee properly. The workload of the lab team was almost certainly down to maximising profit, rather than ensuring that mistakes wouldn't happen. angry

Peachy Tue 16-Jun-09 10:17:59

I think i'd have carried the baby and given him to the biologicalparents; I would however be heartbroken and somewhat detroyed by it all

I'd never terminate and I would happily raise the baby as mine but I couldn't live knowing the pain of the bio parents

Then I would sue two bells of fuck out of the IVF centre and do my utmost at their expense to have my own biological baby

Entirely personal decision though this one, there's no right or wrong- just different distributiosn of pain

welshone51 Tue 16-Jun-09 10:54:16

This is a tough one, as I beleive the lady that was carrying the other ladies child would automatically have the rights over the child because in a court of law she would be classed as its mother and have all the rights that go with that even though the child would not be biologically hers.
I believe she made the right decision in the end as as soon as the baby was born it may have been caught up in a legal wrangle with both sets of parents having strong feelings for it and fighting to raise it.
It is a awful thing to happen as the family involved were desperate for another child I just hope they can take some comfort in the son they already have though I appreciate it may be small comfort to them as they were desparate to complete their family.

LeninGrad Tue 16-Jun-09 11:01:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca Tue 16-Jun-09 13:35:26

The morning after pill is different to termination as you might not even have got pregnant. I think what I'd have done would depend on how old I was. Most women going for IVF don't have many childbearing years left, so carrying someone else's child for 9 monthsand letting your body recover could ruin your chance of a child. In that case I'd take the tablet.

Peachy Tue 16-Jun-09 16:20:16

It is different, though I would hazard a guess that for someone with fertility issues it hurts just as much.

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