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Nick Duerden in the Guardian - His wife "leaves me fully alone with my daughter for the first time" at 16 months!

(493 Posts)
beanieb Sat 02-May-09 23:57:03


Is this normal, for a father to not be left with their child alone until they are over a year old?

WinkyWinkola Fri 08-May-09 20:04:56

I don't find it at all offensive if people ask me if I'm having more children.

Nor would I find it offensive if I didn't have any and people asked why not.

Ultimately, it is none of people's business yes, but to me, it's not such a big deal to ask about major life choices like that. I think it's actually quite natural to ask. To me, it's like people asking what I want to be when I grow up or where I'd like to live or how I'm doing at work.

I realise it's not the same for everyone.

**Of course, if someone has difficulty conceiving it could lead to hurt feelings and embarrassment. That's a separate issue.

TheCrackFox Fri 08-May-09 20:06:50

I have worked out the code

no children = selfish

1 child = when are you having another one?

2 children = perfect if you have one of each sex. If you have 2 same sexed siblings people will ask when you are having another.

3 children = was it a mistake

4 children = are you Catholic?

Some people are judgemental aresholes and are never bloody happy.

Robespierre Fri 08-May-09 20:11:40

crack fox grin

midnightexpress Fri 08-May-09 20:22:15

Perhaps MN towers should open a corner specially for the nonparents? Twould be good for our Karma. Two of my very best friends are childless by choice and they would both be great MNers, but would probably never think of coming on here. They could start in their corner and then we'd lure them out with little snippets of Greggs sausage roll into AIBU and the gardening threads.

I think Crackfox's code will also go full cicle as 5 = selfish too (Catholicism assumed).

spicemonster Fri 08-May-09 20:27:51

I have been asked this *a lot* and I'm single so I can only imagine the question gets asked about 10x more when you're married. I have lots of friends who've chosen not to have children. I relish my evenings out with them

mrsblanc Fri 08-May-09 21:14:04

midnightexpress I THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA

onebatmother Fri 08-May-09 21:16:20

Shit, has Nick Hornby left already? Damn.

LupusinaLlamasuit Fri 08-May-09 22:16:37

<guffaw> at np worrying about us being stirred by childfree trolls

poshsinglemum Sat 09-May-09 12:32:13

The man is living on Mars! He wants the reader to say- what a brave, loving man to actually take care of a little girl on his own. He deserves a medal!


poshsinglemum Sat 09-May-09 12:34:23

he reminds me of my ex which is why he is ex!

poshsinglemum Sat 09-May-09 12:46:55

There are so many of these articles written by men who apparently were ''stunned'' to find themselves to be a dad but hey presto they feel they need a huge round of applause for changing a nappy! Makes you feel that they resent being a dad and expectr some kind of reward for it.

My ex was apparently in shock for my entire pregnancy and only came round once dd was here. Shame he can't help me as he is is stuck in Iran! Twat!

This man is of a similar ilk. Makes me want to barf!

Nighbynight Sat 09-May-09 13:55:34

Well, I thought that what Nick Duerden posted here was slightly illuminating actually.

If his book is about boy-from-single-mum-family-experiences-fatherhood-for-first-time, then I think that he has got something to say.
It was rather unfortunate that the bits he chose for the Guardian, gave the impression overpaid London based Guardian-journalist-experiences-fatherhood-for-first-time.

Also, I much preferred his writing style when he was quickly answering peoples questions on here. He used about a third of the words he uses in his journalist pieces, which got the point across in a far better way. (take note, Nick, and dont take it personally please - some people would charge you for that advice!)

Nighbynight Sat 09-May-09 13:56:52

Suppose I will have to buy the damn book to find outgrin

If the bookshop chains allow it to appear on the shelves in Germany.<frustrated reader emoticon>

Phyl Tue 12-May-09 18:34:18

This is a long link to a German bookseller.
13.30 euros.'s-Club---Nick-Duerden_W0QQitemZ400047347878QQcmdZV iewItemQQimsxZ20090503?IMSfp=TL0905031110004r11166

Nighbynight Tue 12-May-09 21:29:26

lol thanks Phyl! You can buy from Amazon, actually. But the postage costs a lot, and you can't read before you buy.
I am just fed up with seeing the same old Lovely Bones and Sorrows of An American and My Fathers Keeper and various horrid "thrillers" with black covers (they all look the same to me), EVERY single blasted time I go into a bookshop.

Phyl Wed 13-May-09 14:04:55

I've read the book -- it's what it says on the cover: "A flat-pack starter kit for any aspiring father." And (in my case) inquisitive mothers too. It's covers its subject in depth and is deadly serious, tho with some laugh out loud moments. I might just let the old man have a look at it.

reallylostitnow Wed 13-May-09 14:24:07

yes! behind every father is a complete knob of a mother allowing it to happen and showing her kids that the way the world works is that mummies slave away all day doing all the crap, and daddies swan in when they are about 18 and write a cheque for their uni fees. grrrr. makes me so mad.

also - here;s a weird one - some families we know don't let the dads take the girls swimming as they'd have to go into the mens changing rooms and might see a naked man. seriously! i think this is just the lazy mans get out, but the women seem to go along with it as well as though seeing naked man is somehow damaging.

reallylostitnow Wed 13-May-09 14:27:25

not every father, sorry, every rubbish father.
though i have to say it is the father's fault more than the mother's - why the fuck don't they got off their asses and help?!

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