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friends or family? which do oyu depend on?

(12 Posts)
Cod Wed 16-Mar-05 10:29:30

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nailpolish Wed 16-Mar-05 10:31:36

dont depend on either

vict17 Wed 16-Mar-05 10:33:26

I think it's a mixture for me. Some of my family members eg my sister I can talk to like I would my friends. Most of my really good friends are still from school/uni days and live a good distance away but when we meet up it's brilliant and I couldn't live without them

iota Wed 16-Mar-05 10:33:55

no friends and married to someone 30 years older? a bit odd I think

colditzmum Wed 16-Mar-05 10:36:12

I don't depend on either, but I find I turn more often to my friends if I have a problem. One of my friends really surprised me when I had my son, she was adament that she hates kids, and she doesn't want any, but she turned up at the hospital with a larhe bottle of vodka and a packet of pampers. She is taking us to the zoo on my sons birthday.

She still insists that she doesn't like children though. Really she is the only one of my friends from "before" that makes the effort to stay in touch.

Cod Wed 16-Mar-05 10:42:49

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jangly Wed 16-Mar-05 10:44:49

I suppose she's right in a way. Perhaps there's always going to be a bit of rivalry - perhaps even jealousy - with friends, whereas family are always going to be totally on your side. Funny article though. Just because she doesn't need friends doesn't mean everyone else is the same! Perhaps she's just not very good at making friends and she's covering up, even to herself. (Amateur psychology there! )

unicorn Wed 16-Mar-05 10:44:55

Hmm... she says

'I don’t believe that anyone can possibly care about you in the way your family can'

on the reverse

Families can also be judgemental,insensitive and abusive and feel that they can treat you like that 'because' you are family.

Friends have more to lose.

Cod Wed 16-Mar-05 10:45:57

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Caligula Wed 16-Mar-05 11:32:20

I think most friendships are less unconditional than family relationships.

There aren't many friends who can have blazing rows and fundamental disagreements about things and still preserve a very close friendship.

I have one friend who I can say anything to (even about her children, her interfering with her DIL and grandson etc.), and I know we won't fall out. But that's because we are such close friends, she feels like a family member, iyswim. We're part of each other's life furniture. I've only got one like that though.

lailag Wed 16-Mar-05 11:32:41

well, family are all abroad and not on very good speaking terms. My friends are alsoo abroad (used to be good friends when together at uni). Not a matter of choice but don't seem to click with people close by. Doesn't bother me too much but sometimes bit worried about dd and ds. DS loves company and playing with other children. Hardly play with children at home.DS commented recently at M&T group why other mothers were talking but not me....

coppertop Wed 16-Mar-05 12:20:10

I tend to agree with Unicorn. Family members often think they can say or do anything they like and that it doesn't matter. I don't get on with my family at all (in case you hadn't guessed ). I don't see them for weeks/months/years at a time despite the fact that they all have cars and most live within about a 15minute drive from us. When I was pregnant with ds2 the only person to offer to look after ds1 while I was in labour was my friend. She even arranged to have her parents available as back-up in case she was working at the time. If I have to take ds2 to one of his many hospital appointments I either have to arrange it around school hours or take autistic ds1 along with me. I've even had to turn down a course designed to help autistic ds2 because I have no-one to look after ds2 during the classes.

I don't depend on family or friends but I would say that out of the 2 I would be more likely to be able to depend on friends.

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