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Another parent who has done the unthinkable. WHY? Why do they do it?

(52 Posts)
hecate Mon 22-Sep-08 11:06:54

here It is a sad one, a father, estranged from his wife, has killed his 2 children.

I am torn in these cases. I think what kind of bastard can kill their children in what appears to be an act to punish their ex.

But I also think that surely they must be mentally ill to do it, because I just can't comprehend any other reason for harming your own children.

but overwhelmingly I feel so sorry for those poor kids and for their poor mother, whose life is doubtless ruined.

Tommy Mon 22-Sep-08 11:08:23

it's horrific isn't it? This happened just down the road from us - I feel sick thinking about them and the poor Mum sad

mummylin2495 Mon 22-Sep-08 11:25:56

i have just seen this on the news,i too do not understand why they have to take the children with them.Its too horrific to contemplate.RIP little children.

Janos Mon 22-Sep-08 12:14:28

Yes I saw this too very sad. Think there is a certain 'type' of men who do this.

Mny men are in this situation (estranged from their partner) and just wouldn't even consider this action.

whoops Mon 22-Sep-08 12:20:04

I saw this too as it is just down the road from where I work
The poor mother and family who now have to deal with this loss

wannaBe Mon 22-Sep-08 12:20:13

it's not just men though is it? There's currently a woman on trial for drowning her disabled dd in the bath.

It's the children I feel sorry for.

And those left behind.

Have no sympathy for anyone who could do this to their own children - if you want to top yourself then go for it, but taking children with you is the ultimate selfish act IMO.

piratecat Mon 22-Sep-08 13:32:49

god, it's on news now. those poor little girls, and that poor poor mum.
oh my god.

Freckle Mon 22-Sep-08 13:34:26

Because he is a selfish nob. He is more concerned with hurting the mother than he is with the welfare of the children. It is the ultimate act of revenge on the person who he sees as "getting" the children.

ClairePO Mon 22-Sep-08 13:36:56

Completely agree with Freckle. The poor mum

DaphneMoon Mon 22-Sep-08 13:46:43

Utterly selfish bastard.

jellybeans Mon 22-Sep-08 13:55:11

What made me cross was on the DM story about it, several men posted saying that it was probably because the man was taken for every penny or denied access (fathers for justice type drivel) yet it clearly says in the article that the dad had weekend access and in any case there is no excuse to kill your kids. Poor little ones and mum

Kathyis6incheshigh Mon 22-Sep-08 14:05:05

What I don't understand, Jellybean, is how the FFJ types think they are doing their cause any good by these comments - they are implying they think killing one's children is a perfectly understandable reaction to having access limited.

jellybeans Mon 22-Sep-08 14:12:18

I agree Kathy, I don't get it. Their approach seems too aggressive. I think focusing on the child's needs and not the fathers would be better.

handlemecarefully Mon 22-Sep-08 14:15:09

This sounds tenuous, but my cleaner's son in law knows the man concerned. Used to work with him. I'll see if I can find out more, but by all accounts he was just a regular guy and you would never conceive of him doing this sad

yerblurt Mon 22-Sep-08 14:43:24

absolutely horrendous.

nobody can condone the actions of anyone bringing harm to their children. No caring parent would do such a thing.

Very very sad indeed.

Janos Mon 22-Sep-08 15:25:26

No it's not just men Wannabe and I remember the case you are talking about,just horrible.

I think and suspect stats will bear this out - it's more common for men to do this, sadly. This is the fourth case involving murder/suicide that I can remember this year.

I agree that its a selfish and cruel act.

Totally agree jellybeans.

yerblurt Tue 23-Sep-08 10:52:38

NASPCC stats show that equal numbers of men and women kill their children.

In the first year it's overwhelmingly mothers who kill their children.

Janos Tue 23-Sep-08 11:31:55

If that's true yerblurt then it's terrible. Do you have a link to the stats?

Janos Tue 23-Sep-08 11:45:41

Actually just went to have a look myself.

As you would expect (sadly) the NSPCC has a great deal of stats on this very sad subject. Note this makes for very distressing reading, by the way although I suspect that goes without saying.

I skim read a report and it mentions that the majority of children killed in England and Wales are killed by a parent (massive simplification). One thing they don't do is provide details on the sex of the parent who committed the offence. So it cannot be 'proved' either way.

Link here:NSPCC report

yerblurt Tue 23-Sep-08 11:51:08

NSPCC stats links to the home office stats collected for child homicide.

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/resourcesforprofessionals/Statistics/KeyCPStats/4_wda487 47.html

Quoted;
"Killings of children by a natural parent are committed in roughly equal proportions by mothers (47%) and fathers (53%), but that where the child is killed by someone other than a parent, males strongly predominate" 15 .
Brookman and Maguire (2003) Reducing homicide: a review of the possibilities (PDF) London: Home Office. p.16."

not very nice reading actually to think of such things happening

Janos Tue 23-Sep-08 12:23:09

Can't open that link, it doesn't work yerblurt.

I actually thought that the omission was deliberate but sounds like that may be wrong.

I agree that it's not nice to even think of. In fact it's desperately tragic

yerblurt Tue 23-Sep-08 12:27:15

Link is;
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/resourcesforprofessionals/Statistics/KeyCPStats/4_wda48747.html

link here;
www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/resourcesforprofessionals/Statistics/KeyCPStats/4_wda48747.html

Janos Tue 23-Sep-08 12:43:36

OK that link works, I see it.

I do think though that this type of killing - murder/suicide (children killed by parent on custody visit) is more likely to be committed by a man.

That is not intended as 'man bashing' in case it is interpreted as such.

I think you would need to look at a breakdown of statistics and cicrumstances to get a more accurate picture.

It's deeply distressing anyhow.

yerblurt Tue 23-Sep-08 13:46:50

The stats don't make any distinction and to be fair that's probably very difficult to ascertain.

The type of killing - I think that this sort of tragedy, no matter who is responsible male or female is dispicable.

The strain and stress that many fathers (and mothers!) feel when separated from their children due to relationship breakdown can only be imagined.

There needs to be a better understanding and professional systems of advice and support put in place IMHO to provide better help and ensure healtheir post-separation parenting.

The danger of many stories being hijacked by the anti-father brigade, and sensational reporting such as the disgraceful Sun reporting, will hopefully help prevent even more 'burdens of proof' than exists now, being put upon fathers when parents separate.

Janos Tue 23-Sep-08 14:20:39

I think that the majority of parents who are in this kind of situation and are under immense amounts of stress don't even consider this sort of dreadful action though do they?

It's hardly being part of "anti father brigade" to be appalled at this sort of thing happening.

I agree the tabloid reporting is horrible but not sure what "burdens of proof" has to do with anything?

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