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Couple angry over surrogate DNA mix up - don't want child because of their race. Opinions?

(109 Posts)
tirednhungry247 Tue 20-Aug-19 00:00:07

Surrogate gives birth to wrong child after hospital mix-up
https://mol.im/a/7369307

So saddened and shocked for the family expecting and the little baby. What do we think is the right thing to do here?

BizzzzyBee Tue 20-Aug-19 00:04:03

The reason they don’t want it is because the husband isn’t the father. It doesn’t say if the wife is the mother? If neither of them have any biological ties to the baby then I can understand why they don’t want to raise it.

Spacerader Tue 20-Aug-19 00:05:09

I feel for the dad. Because surely they would have to trace the biological father to let him know the mistake. If his sperm was being stored for his use rather than it just being a donated sample

BitchyArriver Tue 20-Aug-19 00:17:46

I would want to know if the woman was the biological mother before deciding if they are BU.

BitchyArriver Tue 20-Aug-19 00:18:11

So so sad though!

twattymctwatterson Tue 20-Aug-19 00:20:38

You'd think that people desperate for a child to the point that they'd put another woman's health at risk would still want the child

ninja Tue 20-Aug-19 00:39:31

The article suggests the mother did donate the egg (the father mentions it being part of both of them)

StockTakeFucks Tue 20-Aug-19 00:43:11

1.when you treat babies as products ,mistakes will occur. They created this baby,can't just put it back or return and ask for a refund.

2.if the child is the mother's , then it's an incredibly dick move to refuse him or her.

3.If the dad is a sperm donor rather than another service user there is no need for him to know or be involved.

4.if the kid wasn't a completely different race,but the wrong sperm would still be used they wouldn't even know

5.how does his wife feel about all this?

3.

BrienneofTarthILoveYou Tue 20-Aug-19 00:59:33

I agree with @twattymctwatterson & especially @StockTakeFucks's first point.

Another strong example of why surrogacy is completely wrong & should be illegal IMHO.

Banangana Tue 20-Aug-19 01:24:57

I understand the father must be feeling gutted but what sort of woman would even contemplate giving away their own much wanted biological child because of a mix up? I get that the plan was for the baby to be both of theirs biologically but it'd be dreadful of them to reject this baby. I've always been pro surrogacy but cases such as this one really make you stop and think.

CatSmize Tue 20-Aug-19 01:29:05

To be fair though, surely this sperm mix-up could have also happened at an IVF clinic where no surrogates were involved so I don't think it can be put down to "another reason why surrogacy should be banned".

In response to a PP, I think many people are desperate for their own biological child so I don't think it's a case of "well, you wanted a child so badly so you should be grateful". As much as I have the utmost respect for those who choose to adopt, I personally don't feel there is anything wrong with wanting a child that is biologically yours or not at all.

This whole situation is heartbreaking and I feel for all involved.

Deadringer Tue 20-Aug-19 01:51:45

But is it even true though? It was an anonymous post on Reddit that the papers picked up on. If this happened to you would Reddit be the place to post about it? The way it's written seems to me designed to cause controversy and divide opinions. 'We paid lots of money' the woman took 'good care of her body'. I am not saying it couldn't happen but I think it sounds iffy.

Banangana Tue 20-Aug-19 02:58:37

@CatSmize the baby is biologically the mother's.

Themyscira Tue 20-Aug-19 03:07:13

Babies should not be bought and sold. Women's bodies should not be used as incubators. This whole process devalues human lives to commodities.

SleepWarrior Tue 20-Aug-19 03:27:59

Reasonable to be shocked and upset, but to not want it at all now it's sat right in front of them?!

if he genuinely doesn't want this perfect little baby who they brought into this world then it makes you wonder if it might be actually be better off going to an adoptive family that would have no such qualms and just shower it with love.

What a mess that little one will have to get their head around one day sad

Banangana Tue 20-Aug-19 04:00:52

To be fair though, surely this sperm mix-up could have also happened at an IVF clinic where no surrogates were involved so I don't think it can be put down to "another reason why surrogacy should be banned".

I think the situations are quite different because:

1)In the IVF scenario, they haven't involved a blameless woman who went through 9 months of pregnancy, taking on all the risks and complications that come with it for another couple only for the baby to be rejected by its parent(s).

2) In both scenarios, the baby is biologically the mother's. But in the surrogate scenario, the fact that the mother didn't actually carry the baby inside her and form a bond with it will almost certainly influence whether she views the baby as 'hers' (so giving it up would be just as difficult as putting any other very much wanted and planned for baby up for adoption) or if she views it as a faulty product that she's not yet bonded with or attached to so can return because it didn't turn out quite right.

AgentProvocateur Tue 20-Aug-19 04:24:22

I wonder if they’d have kept the baby if there hadn’t been a sperm mix-up, but if it had been born with a disability. When you turn childbirth into a financial transaction, people are going to want a ‘perfect’ product. After all, they’ve paid for it! I also think that anyone willing to put another woman’s health at risk so they can get a baby is lacking integrity.

blubelle7 Tue 20-Aug-19 05:09:18

Heaartbreaking.

My views on the whole fertility industry are probably best kept to myself, but these problems will become more common as we have commodities babies and human life,we will see more "wrongful birth" cases.

I understand the need for biological children but I do not think it is a right that everyone is entitled to

MangoFeverDream Tue 20-Aug-19 05:50:28

if the kid wasn't a completely different race,but the wrong sperm would still be used they wouldn't even know

They would know but at a far later point; so many horror stories coming out of the US where fertility doctors have used their own sperm, I think one dr has over 60 children! Cheap DNA testing has brought it all out

Must be shattering for both parent and child

Oblomov19 Tue 20-Aug-19 09:05:00

I disagree with most of the above posters, especially those criticising surrogacy.
What's wrong with surrogacy? Nothing as such. What's wrong here is that a huge mistake happened. On the part of the clinic.
Such a shame. What is supposed to happen now?

tirednhungry247 Tue 20-Aug-19 09:14:02

I do understand why people see any other form of having a baby other than the natural way a way of maybe "messing with genetics" and conception as a bit of a nightmare but I do disagree with some posters. I think we all have the right to be parents in every form, I don't think it's fair to just say "well you mess with gods work that's what you get!" This couple didn't ask for this to happen, the argument is down to everyone's personal moral compass. However there has to be a rational decision made for the welfare of this child, so what is it?

LittleFairywren Tue 20-Aug-19 09:22:53

Just one reason why surrogacy is completely immoral and should be banned.

LittleFairywren Tue 20-Aug-19 09:24:54

The baby doesn't care whose egg and sperm it came from. The baby only knows one mother and that's the one that carried it and gave birth to it. How selfish do you have to be to take a baby away from its mother at birth, obviously notwithstanding any really good reason such as ill health of mother or child.

Oblomov19 Tue 20-Aug-19 09:44:18

Why all the surrogacy hate? I've haven't struggled much to conceive, but I have empathy with those that do:ivf? Surrogacy?

MarshaBradyo Tue 20-Aug-19 09:47:28

Gosh what a shock but it’s still the mother’s baby so that connection is there

If the story is true

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