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Woman who 'lost her sparkle' chooses to die

(20 Posts)
glamourousgranny42 Thu 03-Dec-15 08:41:21

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-34991931
I find this incredibly sad. That a woman should define herself by material possessions and looks, and if they are gone she has no reason to live.
She had children for goodness sake! For most people that would be their number one reason to engage in life saving treatment.
I would like to think that she is a 'one off' but I am saddened by the way in which we define ourselves through material excess and 'stuff' alongside the ever out of reach everlasting youth.
Feeling a bit disillusioned with the world this morning sad

MsVestibule Thu 03-Dec-15 10:11:13

I was a bit shocked at reading this. But do we have her side of it?:

The hearing was told that C's life "had always revolved around her looks, men and material possessions".

In a statement, one of C's daughters told the court said: "'Recovery' to her does not just relate to her kidney function, but to regaining her 'sparkle' [her expensive, material and looks-oriented social life], which she believes she is too old to regain."

Is this just her daughter's perspective? It doesn't quote the woman herself, as far as I can see.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 03-Dec-15 10:14:17

There's a big thread from yesterday about this, that had the legal judgement.

In short, though, we all have the right to refuse treatment. She tried to commit suicide, which led to her needing the dialysis in the first place, because she doesn't want to be old, or live in a council flat, or live a world that isn't "sparkly" and how she enjoys it. She never intended on getting old.

The hospital had to take it to court to have a judge assess that she was able to make that decision, so that they are legally covered. She was found to have capability. It's only hit the news again because the press revealed that she has now died.

The judgement makes interesting reading.

2rebecca Thu 03-Dec-15 10:48:03

Dialysis is extremely disruptive to your life and only partly restores renal function so many people on dialysis feel tired and not very sparkly. I think it should be a treatment you opt in to not one the state forces you to have so think the right decision was made by the court. Many older people with poor renal function refuse dialysis. The main reason this was in the news was due to her being relatively young.
Dialysis doesn't save your life, it just extends it a bit. Average life expectancy on dialysis is 5-10 years although some live up to 30.

howtorebuild Thu 03-Dec-15 10:53:22

This lady has since, passed away. My thoughts are with her family.

glamourousgranny42 Thu 03-Dec-15 13:01:17

I totally agree that it was her choice, and in a way this was just an extended suicide act.
But I do feel for her family, particularly if the reasons for her choice were really based on seemingly superficial factors. Sad all round.

TheoriginalLEM Thu 03-Dec-15 13:09:08

Depression is a funny thing - try not to judge

lorelei9 Thu 03-Dec-15 14:16:24

I actually found this quite heartening because I hate the way certain things are considered valid reasons to live or to refuse treatment and others are not. We're all different.

lljkk Thu 03-Dec-15 14:44:38

I wonder how her family feel. If you accept & love someone, then you could accept what might seem like (to everyone else) their shallow values. They wouldn't be them otherwise. I think the reality must be so complicated. It's a bit like the rugby player who became totally paralyzed & could see no value in his own life (for him) if he didn't have enough movement. His family supported his suicide at risk of being imprisoned themselves (Dignitas)

The principle that most individuals have autonomy over accepting treatment (or not) is very important. I don't share the woman's values either. It still scares me, the idea of my private values being politised by other people or govt imposing on me some idea of what is good enough quality of life that I'd have to accept whether I liked it or not.

deliciousdevilwoman Thu 03-Dec-15 21:37:42

Hi could anyone link to the original thread on this yesterday,please. I missed it and can't seem to find it

AnyoneButSanta Thu 03-Dec-15 21:46:11

In this particular case though Rebecca I think the doctors were expecting her kidneys to recover after a temporary period on dialysis so refusal was more "irrational".

AnyoneButSanta Thu 03-Dec-15 21:47:12

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2520775-London-Mum-aged-50-wins-right-to-die-with-unusual-reasoning
Original thread

deliciousdevilwoman Thu 03-Dec-15 21:47:52

Thanks, Anyone

howtorebuild Fri 04-Dec-15 11:17:40

The mail have a big article on this case today, claiming she had narcissistic personality disorder.

MsAmerica Sat 05-Dec-15 00:11:40

Reminds me of a story I heard from a friend. She'd had an older relative who was very beautiful, and stayed beautiful for a long time. But one day she was leaving a restaurant where she'd been lunching, and she passed some men standing just outside - and none of them turned to look at her. She went home and became a recluse.

howtorebuild Sat 05-Dec-15 01:45:36

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3346845/Truth-socialite-chose-death-growing-old-ugly.html DM won't let leave this story.

Orange1969 Sat 05-Dec-15 12:22:07

My sister refused dialysis treatment after many years of illness. She died peacefully and I respect her decision. Very sad, though.

kesstrel Sat 05-Dec-15 12:26:59

My first thought when I read about this was some kind of personality disorder. The evidence that these conditions do exist is fairly strong, and although they affect only a small percentage of the population, those people tend to have a pretty damaging effect on the people they come into contact with. I don't think we can draw any lessons about the nature of our society from them, to be honest.

DeoGratias Sat 05-Dec-15 13:31:11

It would have been the thin end of the wedge if we had forced her to live. I bet any social worker in the land could argue any of us has narcissistic personality disorder if they wanted to. We need to err on the side of adults having the right to take their own decisions whether they are in labour, a bit of a weirdo, very selfish or whatever. They can still decide to do things others would not so decide.

Seriouslyffs Sat 05-Dec-15 20:11:29

But good that the hospital didn't just withdraw treatment but took it to court.

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