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"Heroin" toddler update

22 replies

TwoIfBySea · 24/11/2006 21:26

I think there was a thread already about this poor bub but can't find it, here is an update on the story anyway.

Apparently the mother was screaming abuse at the paramedics who were trying to save her baby and tried to fight them.

I don't know why these people are allowed to keep their children. It certainly isn't for the sake of the child, addictive parents screw up their children well into adulthood as I know from experience (not my parents thankfully.) The druggie neighbours across the road from us had that incident when their youngest dd was 3 months and the oldest dd, then about 4 yo, gave her a 'pill.' Still at least when the ambulance arrived and took the little one to hospital the mother (if she can be called that) had the prescence of mind to remember her fags. While those of us who witnessed the limp baby getting taken from the house were upset she seemed quite cheery!

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biglips · 24/11/2006 21:29

SCUM!

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Fattymumma · 24/11/2006 21:31

my ex sil was a heroin addict and i can say without hesitation that despite her having now (apparantly) cleaned herself up she has completley screwed up the lives of her 6 - yes 6!!- kids.

her first 3 were born adicted to heroin. her 4th was born desperatly low weight because of the drink she was abusing and the other drugs but thankfully off of Heroin for the time being.

thankfully she now has a new husband who seems to be keeping her clean (he himself is vile but at least not an addict) but her addcitive and selfish ways are still damaging the kids, especially the older 3.

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pelvicfloorSNOWmore · 24/11/2006 21:33

unbelievable

poor baby

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ilovecaboose · 24/11/2006 21:36

can only echo what biglips said

scum.

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 24/11/2006 21:39
Sad
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Sheraz · 24/11/2006 21:41

Yes but being a heroin addict doesn't mean you can't be a good parent..not my opinion I hasten to add, but someone who works in the field of child protection. WTF!

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Twohootsunderthemistletoe · 24/11/2006 21:42

Oh my god - how can these people live with themselves F8cking eijits!!!!!

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alexa1 · 24/11/2006 21:44

some people don't deserve kids.
it makes me sick that there are people in this world who desparately want kids and can't have them. i'll say no more or i will get in trouble by the do gooders brigade.

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TwoIfBySea · 24/11/2006 21:59

Sheraz don't you think though that as addictions are such selfish needs then there is no place for a child in the parent's life. They can barely look after themselves after all.

There have been far too many stories recently of children dying or being seriously hurt as a direct result of their parents drug habit (with alcoholics it is more mental scarring that the child will carry forever.) Perhaps it is about time that the child came first and foremost.

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Sheraz · 24/11/2006 22:01

I agree totally, the opinion was not mine. It was a social worker and I was horrified by it. To me drug addiction is all consuming and the addicts needs are put before their child's every time.

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LadyOfThePoinsettias · 24/11/2006 22:03

One of mum's neighbours is a heroin addict and the hosp induced her at 36 weeks telling her the baby had a much better chance of survival outside the womb. she wasn't even allowed to bring the baby home from the hospital. she had to stay in the scbu for her 'cold turkey' period then was fostered out straight away till they decide what to do.
the woman does not care a dot that the baby wasnt allowed home with her and sadly she already has 3 other young children who witness it every day,

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Fattymumma · 25/11/2006 11:43

there are a small minority of drug users who are able to function wel and can indeed be parents. they are never good parents but they can manage not to be bad.

the vast mjority however are unable. its not through a choice and they indeed love their children, very much in many cases. just not enough to care for them properly.

My (ex) nieces were taken into care when they were 4, 3 and my nephew was 1. by that time they had already been forgotten at nursary, witnessed men prostituting thier mother in return for drugs, dead people in their kitchen from OD and had lived in a needle filled filthy flat.

thankfully their dad was arrested and in prison he really sorted himself out. when he came out of prison he was able to get the kids back. he has now cared for them single handedly for 8 years and i am incredibly proud of him.

their mother will always be selfish and irresponsible and has no real bond with her first three children. her son doesn't even acknowledge her as his mother...he calls her by her first name.

So whilst i agree in principle that being a drug user doesn't make you a bad parent being an abuser does.

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Sheraz · 25/11/2006 11:54

God Fattymama waht a story, I always admire addicts who CAN turn there life around like him. But it is very rare and all too often thae damage has been done.

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Fattymumma · 25/11/2006 12:00

i agree. the girls are definatly damaged.

the eldest has such severe insecurities she is constantly looking for love and approval, the younger just accepts that the world is crap and she should just get what she can and run.

its actually really hard not trying to get all social workery when i see them.

But yes their dad is probably one of the best poster adverts you could find. he is doing a brilliant job and although he finds it very hard, has his own serious health issues following the years of abuse he manages and is doing really well.

but i agree, stories like his are so few and far between. it is far more likely to find stories like this than ones like him.

When xSIL told us she was pregnant again with baby number 4 i begged her to sign her over to me when she was born.
My x's aunt offered to pay her £10k when the girls were babies to go and leave them with her....just to keep her out of their lives as she was so destructive.

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Twohootsunderthemistletoe · 25/11/2006 13:27

FM - So why didn't she take the £10k then? Would buy a lot of drugs...? If she didn't/doesn't love them surely it would have been easy for her to do that...

Sorry don't get the complete story - she was married to your brother (who you mention is now clean and has the kids (all of them?) - she is now remarried is that right?). It must be terrificly hard for your bro to look after the kids, keep a roof over their heads and not use drugs. I don't do (and never have done) drugs but there are some days my DD could drive me to them/drink (joking of course) but it could just take the edge of things....

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Fattymumma · 25/11/2006 13:54

she is my ex partners sister.
she had two daughters and a son with her partner. she went ti prison and spent a long time away in either prison or hostels and rehab. all i all she had no contact with the children for about 5 years.

then she came to a family christmas with a new boyfriend.
she said she was clean but obviously we all had our doubts.
she then revealed she was pregnant bvy this new boyfriend. the baby was born very small but ok.

after a few months she came back to the children and said that she had been evicted from her hostel and could she stay with the children and their dad. stupidly (he still to this day loves her dearly) he agreed.
we all helped her get her own place and she seemed ok. we were all a little worried that she began to have a relationship of sorts with the first 3 childrens dad - lets just call him Bob.

she then got evicted from that house becasue she was spending a lot of time with Bob and allowing her "friends" stay at her house.

she then fell pregnant again telling us all it was Bob's child.
Bob helped her get back on her feet, bought the buggy and other items needed for the baby ( he is also on benefits)

She has the baby, for the first time ever she has a happy healthy chubby little baby.
all seems ok for a short time but then when the baby is about 6 months old she tells us she is getting married to a man none of us have heard anything about and have never met.

they get married at a registery office and he ends up beating the barman to a pulp at teh reception (held in a local pub as it was the first place they drive past on the way home from teh wedding) in fornt of all the children.

Bob is obviously very concerned about the fact that his children were there and his new baby is living with a man who is clealry not stable. she tells him "tough shit its none of your business she aint even yours"

it transpires that she has been carrying on with this man for some time and the baby is in fact his but he was living with another woman at the time so couldnt help her financially and therefore she latched back onto Bob.

i left my partner not long after this but i am told she now has another child by her new husband, she has bribed her eldest daughter to live with her (giving her money for drink-she is 13- allowing her to go out till all hours of the night, allowing her to skip school, steal from shops, swear etc etc ) and has completly poisened her against her dad.

the 2nd daughter is now having a hard relationshio with her dad becasue althoguh she realises her sister is wrong for doing what she does and hates teh fact that she has wiped their dad from her life she is also very jealous of the money and attention she gets.

The offer of £10k happened before i met my ex but from what i know she innitially agreed to the money. even took a "deposit" of £1000.
she got completley wasted and spent the money, then siad that no they were her kids and she couldn't take themf orm her.

With my SIl i don't think its because she loved them at all , it was leverage. she knew that whilst she had the kids she would always get help from friends and family.

i am glad that she is apparantly turnign herself around. she will never be a model parent but just being there and sober is a start.
i hope with every bone of my body that these two youngest children get as close to normal upbringing as she can mustre.

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Twohootsunderthemistletoe · 25/11/2006 14:22

Oh I see - sorry being nosey. God what a bloody mess eh? Must break your heart to stand so close by but not be able to 'do' anything....

All sounds sooo desperate doesn't it

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Fattymumma · 25/11/2006 14:26

absolutly. whats worse is the fact that i was a social worker and during a meeting about another boy i overheard tow other Sw's discussing my nieces.

Its actually really that because of teh situation with my ex that i can never have contact with the girls again.
for a long while i was almost a surrogate mum for them. anything girly related was left to me.
i really miss them and your right it really is heartbreaking.

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Twohootsunderthemistletoe · 25/11/2006 14:31

FM

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2ManyPimms · 25/11/2006 15:06

I despair, I really do.

FFS - people jump through hoops to adopt - we should apply the same criteria to those who wish to give birth. Addicts should be sterilised (this includes alcohol).

Bring on the do-gooder brigade!!!!

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2ManyPimms · 25/11/2006 15:06

((((((((FM)))))))))

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Sheraz · 25/11/2006 20:51

Some people should not be allowed to get pregnant.

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