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Nigella. Would you have intervened?

(114 Posts)
bkgirl Sun 16-Jun-13 15:10:10

So sorry for Nigella. Shocked no-one intervened. Was it because they were famous?

May be totally wrong but given his age could it be dementia? Could that explain her reaction?

Sparklysilversequins Sun 16-Jun-13 16:13:26

I have been wondering if she has helped to get this out there. He's a very powerful man and if will do that to her, what sort of threats would he be making as well? But if it's in the public eye she's safer isn't she? I would certainly be doing that if I were her. I bet she's got some powerful friends of her own.

As for the OP, yes, I think I probably would have. Because I am very nosy and I can't not say things if I see injustice or abuse. The only time I didn't was when a woman was screaming at her child in the street and when she caught my eye said she would "rip my fucking face off if I had anything to say to her". I was with my own dc and worried about what would happen to them. Luckily some men stepped in and started having a go at her and I just hustled dc away.

Deffodil Sun 16-Jun-13 16:13:51

Someone on another thread suggested that he may have been feeling her glands,or something. You'd think that her first instinct would be to prise his fingers off,not to hold his other handconfused

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 16-Jun-13 16:14:15

Yep I would have- I've intervened in the past when some teenagers were starting to get violent with a disabled lady and her children (what kind of world is this?!)

Morgause Sun 16-Jun-13 16:15:02

I noticed nothing was mentioned in the Sunday papers reviews on the radio or on TV.

Tortington Sun 16-Jun-13 16:15:15

no, becuase as someone else said further up, they both turn on you. she out of embarrassment and he out of anger.

however dh would have punched his lights out

Casmama Sun 16-Jun-13 16:16:22

By all means have a discussion about the pros and cons of stepping in when you witness violence but to use this specific situation is unnecessary. Ophelia, I don't believe that you can KNOW how you or everyone else that you know would react.

bkgirl Sun 16-Jun-13 16:18:33

Casmama, the thread was actually directed about how the public responded. I frankly couldn't understand it although I think I do now.I don't think censorship helps, the fact it was in the papers may have encouraged her to help herself.

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 16-Jun-13 16:20:22

Actually thinking a out this again if I've got my dd with me and something like this happens then probably not if just me then yes

AdoraBell Sun 16-Jun-13 16:20:40

Normaly I would be concerned about him attacking her at home because of me intervining, but Nigella Lawson has the financial ability to have walked away from the restaurant and never looked back. So I might have gently reminded her that she doesn't have to put up with it.

MrsCampbellBlack Sun 16-Jun-13 16:21:54


My ex intervened in such a situation although was in a pub and ended up getting his face slashed.

I'd perhaps report afterwards though to the non emergency police number.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Sun 16-Jun-13 16:22:29

Casmama I have intervened numerous times when people have been violent to women in public, thanks. It's unacceptable and people should not stand for it or take photos like lemons on the sidelines.

Casmama Sun 16-Jun-13 16:25:50

Fair enough Ophelia. For what it's worth I entirely agree with your sentiments but there is something about this thread that makes me really uncomfortable. However, as I am unable to articulate what it is,I'll leave it be.

chocoluvva Sun 16-Jun-13 16:26:46

I think my instinct would be to leap up and intervene. But it's impossible to know what you'd do if you haven't been in that situation before. I can imagine myself just sitting there in shocked horror or disbelief.

MrsCampbellBlack Sun 16-Jun-13 16:27:14

I think its easier to intervene if its a stranger being vile than when its clearly a DV situation.

I think the best thing to do is to ring the non-emergency police number - I can't see how intervening would make things better and it could potentially make things a lot worse for the victim who then goes home with him.

MrsCampbellBlack Sun 16-Jun-13 16:28:40

I also think in that situation because they are famous people would be even less likely to intervene because there would be more disbelief.

I bet there have been rumours for a long time about CS, hence, the press just biding their time till they got a photo.

I feel very sorry indeed for Nigella but suspect that's the last thing she wants.

Mistyshore Sun 16-Jun-13 16:29:08

I was being sworn at by abusive ex and a stranger intervened. He was told to fuck off too but it helped to make me realise that the relationship I was in wasn't normal. It's surprising how you forget what is reasonable when the abuse creeps up. I didn't get out right away but his gesture helped when I did finally LTB.

I look back and thank that lovely man on a street in New York (of all places)! His words were, "Sir, you don't talk to a lady like that" - not earth shattering words but kind, brave words from a man who doesn't know how much he helped me.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Sun 16-Jun-13 16:29:46

Casmama I think it's the voyeuristic aspect of it - someone's personal tragedy played out for all of us to discuss hmm

cory Sun 16-Jun-13 16:30:20

I have intervened in the past, but would be more worried about doing so if, as another poster said, the victim had to go home with the attacker afterwards.

ZZZenagain Sun 16-Jun-13 16:33:54

I can't believe most people would simply continue with their meals whilst a woman is being choked or in any way obviously physically hurt at a nearby table. If so, that is very odd behaviour in my book.

What strikes me about this particular situation is that if a man is going to be violent towards his celebrity wife in a public arena such as a restaurant, what on earth is going on in the home?

yamsareyammy Sun 16-Jun-13 16:49:35

The link I posted was from womens aid, and about domestic violence, as in Nigella's situation.

That is a different situation from say a disabled man getting set upon.

gaggiagirl Sun 16-Jun-13 17:02:01

I really don't know what I would do so I can't even guess,but if my DP was there he would have torn the bastard a new arse hole.

LoopyLooplaHoop Sun 16-Jun-13 17:14:13

I'm sure it may not help, but I can't imagine I would have sat and watched.

But never mind that, let's just hope she's OK

Dackyduddles Sun 16-Jun-13 17:27:57

Too many people now sit back to let "someone" else do "something". From public to professional bodies. It is not good enough. You might not always be able to speak up for the moments that happen out of your line of sight but if the situation is in front of you then I believe you should stand up and say "no this behaviour is not acceptable".

Perhaps the pap in his own way has done this. Unsure those in the restaurant can say same unless they present themselves as witnesses to police.

I hope nigellas friends and family now look after her.

TSSDNCOP Sun 16-Jun-13 17:33:17

I would have. I've done it before.

Ponyofdoom Sun 16-Jun-13 23:32:20

100% agree with Mistyshore, when I was in an abusive relationship you start to normalise it, someone saying something does help you realise that its not normal nor OK. Yes it might mean the victim does get more abuse afterwards but I think overall it helps them to escape; though I am far from an expert and would be interested in more professional guidance. I think its right and moral to intervene and that those posters who have done so are brave.

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