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4 year old starved to death by his parents

(307 Posts)
SquidgyMummy Tue 04-Jun-13 19:53:29

Horrendous Story

What i can't understand is why all the people who could have helped him: Teachers, school nurse, doctors etc could not see he was being mistreated. My 2 1/ year old weighs more than that poor child when he died.
I am just sickened by his needless death and the hand wringing "if only's" by the other adults who should have protected him

fromparistoberlin Mon 12-Aug-13 08:29:07

I was also so affected by this. there are many of us. I have just had weeks holiday, and it actually was nice to be in an environment where his tragic story was not in the media. That sounds awful, but I was haunted by this for weeks and weeks. I wept when they got sentanced.

I am heartned to see that so many of us are devastated by what happended to him.

I am dead curious to know whats happended to those 2 in prison

BTW I LOVE that judge, 30 years. I really though they would get less.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 09-Aug-13 13:22:29

I've followed this story as much as I can bear, the details are too much for me.
May I just say, in defence of SWs and teachers there will always be one that sips the net.
I bed there are hundreds of kids who's lives have been saved through the hard work of so many of the authorities that care for them.
We only here the mistakes and the bad stories, the good ones don't get publicised.
I'm not a SW or a teacher or actually anybody that could have done anything in this situation.
Clearly more money has to be spent on our most vulnerable but in my heart I do believe there are many Daniel's out there who's lives were saved and hopefully are living happy lives.

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 09-Aug-13 10:17:55

Agree with LaVolcan

LaVolcan Thu 08-Aug-13 22:23:37

We have already had at least two links to this petition on this thread - but IMO it puts far too much emphasis on the school. It is not the school which murdered Daniel. We have also had people either on this thread/some of the other threads about Daniel, who work in schools; they have reported concerns about children to social services, only to be told 'doesn't meet the thresholds, case closed'.

So perhaps the petition should be to start putting money into social services/child welfare instead, rather than trying to scapegoat individuals?

Paula0506 Thu 08-Aug-13 19:49:37

The Coventry Telegraph is supporting a campaign to change the law so that adults in responsible positions are legally obliged to help children who are clearly in distress - such legislation already exists in many other countries. The paper is calling it Daniel's Law - please will you click the link and sign to support it.

CorrineFoxworth Mon 05-Aug-13 22:19:52

I wish we could do something for Daniel's astonishingly brave sibling. I would happily donate to a fund which would help secure the future of this amazing child but this would be impossible, for very important reasons.

Also, something to bear in mind is that the internet is open and forever, no matter how long this thread has run in MN days / months, and that our comments may well be read by people close to this in just a few years from now.

halfpint76 Mon 05-Aug-13 20:43:37

mrshaha I've been exactly the same, you're not going mad, you're just compassionate. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him, and inevitably end up sobbing. I'll never forget him and feel so futile/frustrated/angry at how this could have happened. I'm desperately clinging to the notion that there are more good people in the world than bad, doing their small bit but we should all do more. I know I could. I won't be donating unless it's to a registered charity as Timtam23 has mentioned. It's also seriously made me consider fostering as some point in the future.

timtam23 Mon 05-Aug-13 16:55:46

mrshaha it's a shocking case isn't it and has touched so many people. I have been really upset by it too, my eldest is the same age as Daniel & his school uniform is the same colours so I was getting a bit emotionally overinvolved and had to stop reading the news reports at one point because I was thinking about it too much.

I agree with being wary of the justgiving sites etc as you can't guarantee who is taking the money. A recognised child welfare charity is a safer bet even if it isn't specific to Daniel's memory - maybe there is something in the Coventry area where he lived?

I read that his school are planning a memorial garden, also the investigating police team seemed hugely affected by the case and the police spokesperson said that they had photos of him all over their office and would never ever forget him, maybe they will do something in his memory. I don't work directly with children but do have to keep up to date with child safeguarding training so maybe one day thanks to Daniel's sad case I'll be more aware of child abuse and will be able to make that call to help another child.

handcream Mon 05-Aug-13 16:34:08

I would hate to go the way of Japan where you can actually give money to the relatives of the people who you have done wrong to to get a reduced sentence. Its horrible.

CorrineFoxworth Mon 05-Aug-13 15:48:59

Irn, the thread has been going since the fourth of June so it has been discussed for quite some time. Quite a few people only became aware of the story when the conviction was secured last week.

I also believe that for a lot of people, Daniel will always stay with them. I don't think I will ever forget his lovely little face and one day I'll make a call, or do something positive to honour him and his memory. It's all any of us can do for him now.

IrnBruTheNoo Mon 05-Aug-13 15:39:19

must say I do agree with you handcream. I won't be donating money to the justgiving page in Daniel's name mainly because I've no guarantee where the money would be going to, or who, precisely.

handcream Mon 05-Aug-13 14:39:42

am questioning why tax payers money is going into the pockets of people who havent seen Ian for years and who seem to be benefiting from his death. Yes, if we have to go down the compensation route then perhaps to a charity?

edam Mon 05-Aug-13 14:22:36

I think compensation for the unlawful killing of Ian Tomlinson, by a bully and a thug who had previously been sacked for aggression, is the least the Met could do. It puts down a marker and tells the bosses that they can't get away with this shit. Although I notice the Met announcement doesn't say anything about re-training officers who work on demonstrations, so there's no guarantee it won't happen again.

handcream Mon 05-Aug-13 14:11:25

I would watch out giving money to a charity in his name. Whats to say that the extended family of these two (who seem to largely quite ambilivant about what has happened) dont start to try and get their greedy mitts on it claiming they are 'desperately trying to rebuild their lives' and need 'support'.

Sorry, but I was reading about the Ian Tomlinson case. The compensation has been paid to the 'family' but apparently he hadnt seen some of them for years. I always get uncomfortable about paying money when something has gone wrong, of course it should be payable when someone has become disabled as a result of say a mistake by the hospital when they are born but giving money to 'family' when someone has died isnt always the answer.

IrnBruTheNoo Mon 05-Aug-13 13:06:44

Considering the horrendous crime, I'm surprised the thread has more or less ground to a halt. It seems to be old news sad

mrshaha Mon 05-Aug-13 12:27:31

I can't stop crying about Daniel. I read the news last Thursday and now can't get the pain and suffering out my head and I am crying all the time. Every time I pick up my 17 month old, I imagine how that poor soul was never given any love and left to die by himself. Every time I eat I think of his starvation and confusion at why he was not allowed food. He must have been so lonely and desperate at the cruelty inflicted. It's killing me inside.

I began to think I was going mad, grieving for a boy I never knew, but it appears that I am not the only one severely affected by this story. I hope in time the pain fades for everyone, but we never forget what happened and steps are taken so that it never happens again

The only comfort is that for once the justice system worked and the monsters were given life. I hope they have to live in fear every day just like Daniel did. The photo of him is burnt on my mind.

This is one news story I am never going to forget. Does anyone know if a fund or charity is being set up in his memory? It's a small comfort but I feel I need to be doing something or take some sort of action to lessen the grief I am feeling.

Paula0506 Sun 04-Aug-13 22:27:48

PLEASE SIGN this petition to change the law for Daniel Pelka. The aim is to make it a legal obligation for adults in responsible positions to help children who are clearly in distress, as it is in many other countries.

2,500 signatures in three days, 10,000 and it goes to Downing Street.

MissM Sun 04-Aug-13 16:52:46

not always that simple for teachers, plus that the official channels for complaints and safeguarding move incredibly slowly.

The people who commit these crimes are devious and manipulative. For example, Daniel had only been at his school for six months - these kinds of people often move around a lot because they know that this way it takes time for information to follow them and so they go under the radar. They know how long procedures take to get moving, even when schools follow the correct ones (which it sounds as though Daniel's school did in this case).

What I'm trying to say is that these dreadful situations aren't as black and white as they're seen in hindsight. The teachers did notice something was wrong. They did report and pass on information. But six months is not a long time to get wheels in motion, especially when there are school holidays to content with, and abusive parents know how to play the system. Even if SS had intervened he wouldn't necessarily have been removed from his home. I'm not trying to make excuses as more may come to light, but the system we have at the moment means that these terrible things will continue to happen. In the end though, the people with responsibility for Daniel's death were the two people who killed Daniel.

MissM Sun 04-Aug-13 16:34:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrnBruTheNoo Sun 04-Aug-13 10:08:25

timtam23 thanks for responding. Yes, in some ways it would be better for them to serve the sentence in their homeland, but not if it meant them being released after 30 years. I personally feel prison is too good for them. It's a luxury, really IMO...

"There was a 2 yr old who was raped" - shocking. F***ing animals.

timtam23 Sat 03-Aug-13 22:27:49

be at ...sorry...

timtam23 Sat 03-Aug-13 22:27:20

PeriodMath and IrnBru I read in the paper today that they could both apply to serve their sentences in Poland, however the Justice Secretary has the power to veto their requests. On one hand, if they were in Poland it wouldn't beat our expense any more, however I don't know how the Polish justice system works with regard to parole, maybe the UK system would be better in that respect (I would hate to think that the bar might be set lower in Poland and they might be released there after 30 years whereas the UK would keep them jailed)

edam I think there was more than 1 sibling in the Baby P case as well. There was a 2 yr old who was raped, so she was hardly well-treated, but I'm sure there were reports that Baby P's mother had more than 2 children in the house, and if so it would seem that the others weren't abused in the way that Peter was. Everything was highly anonymised though, to protect the remaining siblings, so I can't remember the details.

edam Sat 03-Aug-13 10:11:33

Sadly it's not unknown for one child to be singled out as the victim, while other children are either treated well or less victimised. I doubt this pair of monsters were good parents to Daniel's sibling(s) but they certainly visited their spite and hate on poor Daniel. Heartbreaking testimony from one sibling who tried to help Daniel - tried to find food for him. Little child trying to protect him from the abusers, doing more for Daniel than any adult.

IrnBruTheNoo Sat 03-Aug-13 09:27:07

"One thing that is odd is that there was a sibling who was not ill treated as far as we know."

NanaNina I think I heard on Radio 4 last night that the work colleague of the partner knew their was something going on, apparently the partner said to his colleague that Daniel was 'autistic' and 'couldn't feel pain'. Perhaps the older sibling was seen as a "normal" child, and Daniel not? Who knows what was going on in their heads...

IrnBruTheNoo Sat 03-Aug-13 09:18:28

handcream is right on her instincts of the mother though by her description. The mother does look rough as f*@k (as I'd put it where I'm from). Before I read about it, I could tell from the photograph that I saw of them both that drugs and alcohol would be involved in their lives...she looks extremely messed up. And he does look like a thug.

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