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Grayling defending smacking

(1000 Posts)
seventiesgirl Sun 03-Feb-13 11:38:45

Never did him any harm apparently. The tory party are such a bunch of tossers. Whatever next?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 03-Feb-13 12:23:29

I know that it's heresy on MN to admit to smacking but why does it make someone a 'tosser' to be honest about an opinion that is still pretty mainstream? <dons flameproof suit...>

GrowSomeCress Sun 03-Feb-13 12:27:14

God hmm will never get why this forum is so overdramatic about smacking

balia Sun 03-Feb-13 12:30:59

Erm...because it's wrong to hit people?

FunnysInLaJardin Sun 03-Feb-13 12:32:20

I smack my DC if absolutely necessary, which is very infrequent. But I will do it. Oh and I'm not a tory either.

Porkster Sun 03-Feb-13 12:32:44

He sounds very ignorant and narrow minded in that article.

Startail Sun 03-Feb-13 12:42:04

I get flamed her frequently for admiring slapping my DDs and not minding being slapped as a child.

It's a quick over and done with line in the sand. I very clear you have gone to far.

No one has ever suggested an effective alternative for limit pushing under 5s.

I know people swear by counting to 3, but what happens when they get to 3?

I'm sorry but I have friends with DCs where neither parents or children were happy because the child just pushed and pushed at their parents and the parents just stood their shouting and being ignored.

I had a DF who was really blush at her DDs antics.

Perhaps you can just pick them up and put them in their room, cot, naughty step, rather than a quick slap, but everyone is happier if there is a way of saying STOP!

I hate taking things off DCs, stopping them doing things, cutting their TV time. Long punishments cause resentment.

What child remembers why they can't watch TV, they are far too angry they are missing their favourite show.

Very good piece on punishments and using expectations, reasoning and action instead in " how to talk so teens will listen"

I just don't know how to use that kind of stuff with a very small child, mine are teens (well DD2 behaves like she is) and mostly very good.

ithaka Sun 03-Feb-13 12:49:28

'Never did him any harm'? Well, it seems to have turned him into a tory - I'm not sure I'm prepared to take that risk with my children.

seventiesgirl Sun 03-Feb-13 13:23:27

ithaka hahahaha!

Startail Sun 03-Feb-13 13:35:48

Ithaka/seventies girl, nothing like an adult reasoned discussion is there?

FreelanceMama Sun 03-Feb-13 13:43:55

I got smacked when I was kid. It didn't harm me - it did harm my relationships with my parents though.

I remember being offended about it but not feeling physically hurt. But it didn't stop me doing the things that made them angry. It made me very good at finding ways of doing things I knew they wouldn't approve of without them finding out. Probably not the effect they were hoping for.

Iggly Sun 03-Feb-13 13:46:02

I think hitting a child is a bit desperate. I've done it once out of desperation. Never again.

If ds misbehaves, punishment is instant.

For those who do hit, what do you do when they hit another kid? Do you tell them no hitting while you beat smack them?

Iggly Sun 03-Feb-13 13:48:02

o one has ever suggested an effective alternative for limit pushing under 5s

If you say so.

Porkster Sun 03-Feb-13 13:49:23

Hitting a child is crap parenting.

Startail Sun 03-Feb-13 13:55:26

A working alternative, that's all I ask.

How do not smacking parents get a child to understand they have pushed carrying on doing/ or refusing to do something too far?

As for hitting other DCs my DDs instinctively knew the difference between discipline and fighting with their siblings or peers. It was never an issue.

Startail Sun 03-Feb-13 14:04:46

Iggy what is your instant punishment.

Removing DD1 and sticking her in her travel cot was great for about a month, then she tried to climb out and it was too dangerous.
Stairs,please sit on the sofa or go to your room had much the same result, she started exploring any possible climbing opportunities.

Nothing to do with being in trouble, DD1 just climbed, but it did make withdrawing attention and turning your back on her very risky.

Thingiebob Sun 03-Feb-13 14:10:25

I agree with Porkster and iggly, hitting a child is crap. Hitting a toddler who is still small enough to be using a travel cot is shockingly lax parenting.

CheeryCherry Sun 03-Feb-13 14:11:43

I agree OP, another Tory tosser....they want smacking approved, hunting back, working families to suffer, gcses and A levels scrapped. It's all soooo depressing sad

GrowSomeCress Sun 03-Feb-13 14:29:27

I was smacked a couple of times as a child for major naughtiness - stopped me doing it and didn't it any way hurt my relationship with my parents grin

GrowSomeCress Sun 03-Feb-13 14:29:44

^ should be didn't in any way

HDee Sun 03-Feb-13 14:33:48

My mum used to take great pride laughing about the huge, red handprints she'd leave on me after hitting me with wet hands. She would tell people and I'd feel utter humiliation. She had no shame whatsoever. For years and years I'd flinch if she moved her hands near me. Smacking can never be right IMO.

GrowSomeCress Sun 03-Feb-13 14:40:01

Sorry about that HDee sad

But that doesn't mean all smacking has to be that way. I was smacked in a way that never left a physical mark - it doesn't tend to be that extreme.

Iggly Sun 03-Feb-13 14:51:23

It depends. Ds is 3. So if he screams at me, I ignore him.
When he went through a hitting phase, he had timeout. he doesn't hit anymore (we were consistent with nursery).
I will take the toy he's playing with if he's doing something naughty.
I give him a warning. Eg he touched something - I said "this is a warning, if you touch again, I will take it away". So we take it away when he does. A few goes and he gets the message - he's testing the boundaries to see what he can and can't do.

It takes more thinking - I can see how smacking can be a quick win. But with my ds - I can also see that a lot of his behaviour stems from being over tired. It was worse when younger so going straight for a smack would be futile.

He's very strong willed BTW. But generally well behaved!

So you didn't answer my question - if your dd hits, how do you enforce that she shouldn't do it?

HumphreyCobbler Sun 03-Feb-13 14:51:52

I think lots of people who vote labour also approve of smacking. I am a tory who doesn't smack and my parents didn't smack me either. Didn't do me any harm, but rather disproves ithaka's hypothesis

Iggly Sun 03-Feb-13 14:53:47

Nothing to do with being in trouble, DD1 just climbed, but it did make withdrawing attention and turning your back on her very risky you snacked for climbing?

Both of mine are very physical and climbers. We've taught them where they can do it and how to do it safely. They don't do it at other peoples houses for example.

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