Is there a Nick Crews - Dissapointment Letter thread?(28 Posts)
I was sure there would be, but couldn't find it.
Could you please point-me-in-the-right-direction, i.e. link please?
I agree. He is a totally different generation and doesn't seem to appreciate how different and more difficult, in some ways, life is, for his children.
However, the navy did not pay total school fees. They made a large contribution, but it would have had to be topped up by him.
Ah - the Crackfox beat me to it. He didn't provide his children with private education - the forces (ie the state paid). He will be on an extremely generous pension and is the epitome of the type of 'baby boomers' who are quids in compared to the younger generations. Note I said he is of a type as not all boomers have had an easy time of it.
I think to sum it up
His children may have their faults, don't we all, but none of them seem to be huge
He on the other hand seems to be an arse who is pissed off he can't boast about his children's exploits because they've lived, what most people would consider, relatively normal lives
This guy doesn't deserve his lot in life. He has three healthy, adult children, six grandchildren, who are not criminals, drug-addicts, mass murders, etc. and he's whinging away about it.
WTF? I'd trade you, Mr Crewes, but I wouldn't visit the pain that goes with losing one of your children as a youngster on anyone.
I would like to point out that the very expensive private education he provided for his children was a perk of the job (I don't think the forces are this generous anymore).
If he thinks his children have turned out to be failures then he should examine his own part in this as his parenting must have been sub standard.
Ok, well being respectful and taking others advice are separate things and its impossible for us to know if they really were disrespectful. My impression from his rant was that his wife suffered with them when they had hard times, being compassionate. I would be hard stretched to accuse them of 'dumping' their woes on her, their her children! They are sharing their lives, good and bad.
You've got to set the kids' lives in context, though.
I don't think it's too off-beam to suggest their father might be a teeny bit overbearing, for example?
And then the kids choose similar partners, set up their own dysfunctional households, it all falls apart a few years down the line.
I'm not sure it's entirely fair to say people throw away marriages too easily, Oblomov. Maybe they just don't hang onto crappy marriages as long as they used to?
Only one of my social circle is divorced (I'm mid-30s), and I could have told her the day she got married her husband was a tosser (apparently that's not acceptable wedding chat. Who knew?!) ...but again, she was reflecting her own parents' crappy marriage... and so it goes on.
He also managed to blame his children for his never having been there. That would have been the children's faults for going to privates schools the parents chose for them and the children's faults for the parents desire for 6 bedroom house.
But going back to your OP - I agree with all your points.
He made some valid points but the fact that his children have failed marriages is something sad about, not something to berate them about.
I did think that Jeremy Vine was a bit "off" to say that Nick Crews himself was guilty of living off the state as he'd been a navy officer.
As parents, it's our duty to try to give our kids the skills and emotional resources to stand on their own two feet as adults - and then to accept that they may make their own mistakes.
I agree with you.
I was only using my dad as an example of where the positions have been reversed - where he is the one that is berated by my brother for not always following his (my brother's/his son's) advice.
and it's not gentle berating, db gets very angry about it
I didn't mean it like that. I too ask my mum, my best friend and others about something and then make up my own mind. But father seems to be portraying it as though they show mum little respect, on her opinion and advice on things. I can imagine the scenario he is describing. You can't?
I know that one of the issues my df has with my db (or is the other way around ) is that if he asks db for advice, he doesn't expect to be berated if he chooses not to follow it.
Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. Db isn't the only person he asks for an opinion (df does have many friends and he also
on occasion asks me) - but db is the only one who gets angry if he doesn't follow his advice.
Seems to be a mirror image of (part of) the issue that Nick Crew raised.
We do have a "right" to make our own mistakes - parents included!
I dunno Oblomov. I ask my mum/sister/husband for advice, to help me make my own mind up. I don't blindly take their advice, but it helps me weigh the benefits and make my own decision. I don't mind if people ask me advice to do the same. I wouldn't want to bear the weight of responsibility if they took my advice as gospel!
And I also don't know that the 'disposable society' argument is valid either. We don't know this family. If they are anything like mine, then they would take a lot of care in choosing their partner! Who are we to judge and say they were careless? Unfortunate things happen. I'm sure some people (celebrities!) do get married and divorced without too much thought but we can't specify to this woman and her siblings, that isn't fair.
We are a disposable generation, in that we buy and just throw away. Many people throw away mariages too easily too easily, or rather don't take enough time to consider whether they have really chosen a suitable match.
And also we are a nation on wingers. I bet they do moan to their mother and then take no notice of her advice. Which is kind of insulting. If you don't value your mums opinion don't phone her moaning.
Maybe it reminded her of that MIL who sent that horrible letter, you know, about it being common to marry in a castle unless one owns it and all? And she thought, I can make a few bob off this, and show my dad up as an arse. Bonus!
I saw a couple of days ago, was also surprised to search on here and find no thread.
sailor's girl he admits himself (in the daily mail article admittedly) that dealing with the children was his wife's domain. With respect to his children's phone calls he says "I avoided them thinking it was womens stuff
I get the impression of someone who has been hands off his entire life then wonders why the children don't behave in a way that reflects his own view of himself.
As she said None of us has been a drain on the State, none of us has got into drugs or done anything bad.'
She graduated from university. Worked hard for 15 years. Yes shes had one marriage failure...
the only mistake I can see shes made is to expect her parents to actually care
Well, you beat bullies by exposing them, maybe that is her idea because clearly nothing she could have said would elicit any reaction beyond pompous, righteous and quite nasty.
I find it strange that his daughter gave the letter to the media. Every time my mother said anything negative to me I just ignored her. Didn't think to contact the Daily mail.
sailorsgirl, My work have Radio 2 on, and i too heard it there.
I have since read the article and his actaul letter.
I too thought about:
1) the daughter who gave his letter to the media.
2) Him, how he comes across as mainly someone who wants to brag about his childrens achievements, at 'luncheon's given by posher-than-him acquaintances, but that he is unable to. And him, his nature,and his role in all of this.
3)I also thought that there was alot to his letter and that some of his points were valid.
Totally absent father. He was working away to support them wasn't he?
However you can't ever know how your kids will turn out and he probably should have kept his mouth shut.
Hmm, an absent father who thought buying an expensive education would make up for his emotional absence gets angry when all 3 of his children have broken marriages. I don't suppose he's considered his part in the way his children have turned out.
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