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this teacher 'running away' with a 15 year old story

(117 Posts)
germyrabbit Thu 27-Sep-12 21:08:19

why on earth is it such a big story?? i know she is underage but he is hardly kidnapping her.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:16:21

no one knows what the truth is here except him and her. thats all im saying - im not defending not saying its right, im just not passing judgement and im saying that whatever the truth - issuing a warrant is not going to bring them home is it?

its going to push them further underground.

give that girl time and she will want to contact her mum. she will surface. but allow that to happen - dont push them further away by threats or arrest. what is in coming home for either of them now?
fuck all is what.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 27-Sep-12 23:18:10

You do seem to be defending him, by saying it's excusable.

It won't 'push them further underground'. It could actually stop men from thinking it's somehow ok to be in a relationship with an underage girl, couldn't it? Which - sorry, but no matter how nice you think your bloke is - would be a positive thing.

VintageEbonyGold Thu 27-Sep-12 23:22:17

If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't have abducted her.

If he has nothing to hide he should face up to running off with a child he had a duty of care to.

And yes, if he has had a sexual relationship with her it is pedophilia, just because a child has physically matured for a sexual relationship does not mean she/he has mentally or/and emotionally matured for a sexual relationship.

Get the girl home and let the families/ss/police deem the legalities of their "under suspicion relationship"

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:22:43

my bloke saved my life. he did not abuse me - he was the one person in my life at that time who did not.

yes, a personal perspective. no - im not excusing what this teacher did, but im saying now deal with whats happened - threats of arrest - it will push them underground.

MysteriousHamster Thu 27-Sep-12 23:24:03

Seven, you're also forgetting the fact that he's recently married. This isn't some wonderful forbidden love story.

If it was a relationship made to stand the test of time he would've resigned, divorced his wife, waited.

Instead, as soon as the police got a whiff about it, they ran off together. She's left her whole life behind. His is destroyed.

Considering they don't seem to be on anyone's radar at the moment, if I was her parents I'd be worried about her safety, not thinking they might be happy and have children one day.

Smellslikecatspee Thu 27-Sep-12 23:24:52


If he was a 'perfect gent' and he was worried about her personal safety he should have got Social involved, or the police or tha pastoral care at the school.

Instead he took her out of the country.

He took her, he drove, he paid.

I am sorry 7 about how your childhood was, but just because you met a good man really doesn't mean this is the same.

By running they've lost the chance to prove it

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:29:17

god im not for a moment thinking its some love story....i have a DD of 15, please do not misunderstand me - i would be horrified. i would. i would serve his balls to him on a plate.
but i also know my own story. im not stupid enough to think that is typical.

all i am trying to say is that to get them back, this is surely the wrong way to go about it?

i work within the law. regardless of my opinion, i do the right think according to the letter of the law. but i just think, that the most important thing now is to engender trust - and locking him up, if she truly cares about him, is not going to do that, its not going to bring her home.

thats important now. her parents are frantic and she cant phone home for fear of what will happen next.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:34:38

and this is clearly why i need a break from MN. i keep getting into ridiculous arguments that are not mine to have.
i used to come on here to talk crap and smile. now it makes my head hurt so i think its time to have a break. name changing is no longer enough!

i think, that mostly, i see things in a fairly dispassionate and common sense way. but that doesnt fit knee jerk reactions.

i do this day in day out. same arguments. same people. in RL and on here.....MN just became a busmans holiday! that wasnt meant to happen. i used to come here for a break!

time for a proper break now i think.

KRITIQ Thu 27-Sep-12 23:35:05

I don't think "threats of arrest" will make a difference. The man would have known before he absconded with his student that he was breaking the law and risking arrest. It's not like he will have forgotten this fact and suddenly get all edgy if he hears about an arrest warrant in the media.

I'm in no place to judge your relationship Seven and it sounds like it has worked well for you. But for every much older adult and under age child who become involved romantically or sexually and it "works," there will be far, far more where it constitutes child abuse and where the child could continue to suffer throughout their lives. I've read some ghastly blogs just in the past couple days from women (and some men) who were betrayed by adults in positions of trust who used their power, their maturity, their resources and took advantage of the child's vulnerability, willingness to trust, desire for approval, etc. Decades later, a case like this one has triggered painful feelings of what happened. Imho, this is much more often the scenario, not the happy ever after.

Prattled on alot about this earlier today on this thread at Thu 27-Sep-12 14:34:50.

It's not just about this specific case, but about the discussions being had about the circumstances that I find really worrying.

KRITIQ Thu 27-Sep-12 23:37:03

Soz to hear it feels rough at the moment Seven. I can't follow name changes so no idea if I've had any discussions with you before this. Wish you well whatever you choose though.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:40:34

before i go, i must reiterate that my DH did not abuse me, touch me, or get involved with me sexually in any way until i was 18.

he was my life saver. absolutely. he is 46 now and im 40.
he took me in as a homeless 15 year old with abusive waster parents. i havent seen them since.

he did not abuse me. my parents did. he saved me.

this is not the norm. i know that. im not an idiot with rose tinted specs on. but yes i need a break from here, for all the reasons i posted above.

Wetthemogwai Thu 27-Sep-12 23:52:36

Fwiw I agree with seven

The more threats and publicity they see the more they're going to want to hide. I don't know of course but I think if I was her I'd be terrified of getting both of us into trouble and heartbroken at being torn between the man I 'love' and my family.

I don't at all condone it and will not make excuses for that man BUT like seven said I'm sure there must be a better way to get them to come home

InvisibleHotPinkWeasel Fri 28-Sep-12 00:04:36

Is it not also in the press because the police want it to be?

MysteriousHamster Fri 28-Sep-12 00:12:39

I have no doubt your relationship is a good one Seven, but I don't feel this current one in the news is a healthy one. Not when she's had to run away.

I see what you mean about emphasising the arrests but the thing is he's not stupid, he must know what the score is regardless of how it's reported.

It's a bit concerning that she apparently hasn't been in contact with any of her friends.

Bossybritches22 Fri 28-Sep-12 00:35:54

IF they are truly in love then Forrest as the adult should have insisted they waited till he'd got a divorce and she was at least 16 & left the school & then started dating all above board. The family would not have liked it but IF they were genuine then as with seven they could have proved their critics wrong & been very happy.

But to do it this way smacks of abuse. The school are not coming out of this very well either, although I concede we do not have the whole story ...yet.

His poor parents on the news today were very brave, helping put out an appeal- they must be so embarressed as well as desperately worried about their son & his side of things (however misguided that might be)

Wetthemogwai Fri 28-Sep-12 01:22:04

How do we know she hasn't contacted her friends and they're covering for her? And if she hadn't I think it's quite probably because she's terrified of being caught.

Everyone's stuck between a rock and a hard place really I mean if she comes home and is reunited with her family which I guess she will have to eventually then she'll lose the man she loves and hell get into horrendous trouble and for the police it's probably more likely they'll come home if they let them do it in their own time to some extent but then if she's in danger then he has longer to do something awful.
She will come home in her own time but will it be too late by then? That seems unlikely obviously as she went willingly but it also seemed unlikely that a teacher would be stupid enough to run away with a pupil so who knows!

Either way, what he's done is incredibly stupid and I hope they're both returned home safe

LilBlondePessimist Fri 28-Sep-12 01:40:01

He isn't a paedophile, regardless of whether they've had sexual contact. A paedophile is, by definition: As a medical diagnosis, pedophilia, or paedophilia, is defined as a psychiatric disorder in persons who are 16 years of age or older typically characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children (generally age 13 years or younger, though onset of puberty varies). The prepubescent child must be at least five years younger than the adolescent before the attraction can be diagnosed as pedophilia.

This girl is 15, and clearly from her photographs, not in any way prepubescent. This does not excuse what this teacher has done, but it doesn't help anyone to throw about incorrect and sensationalist language.

mathanxiety Fri 28-Sep-12 02:14:00

It is in the press so much so that someone will recognise them and they will be apprehended.

For the girl's sake I hope this will be sooner rather than later. The revelations about the school are appalling. He clearly operated in an environment where the welfare of children was not a priority.

brdgrl Fri 28-Sep-12 02:19:51

i know she is underage but he is hardly kidnapping her.

um, yes. yes, he is.

mathanxiety Fri 28-Sep-12 02:25:06

And I do not for one moment imagine there is any 'they' to wanting to hide. This man knows what awaits him if/when he is apprehended. I doubt he will find prison congenial. He will (hopefully) never teach again.

He at this moment has nothing to lose whereas the girl stands to lose everything. Presumably he has got what he was after in her -- sex and an ego trip. Cold, hard reality is going to really bite. I sincerely hope he does not decide to do anything irreversible because he feels he is cornered.

However, I also think the press needs to keep this story on the front pages. There is a chance someone will recognise one or both of them and she will be able to come home.

foxinsocks Fri 28-Sep-12 04:24:11

Groomers, paedos often excuse their behaviour because they were in love and their victims 'loved' them. Sounds like he had been grooming her for years. Despicable twat.

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 07:25:46

I'm also not so sure this should be kept on the front pages.

And I hope her family are as supportive as they say they are.

Strange that she's not contacted them - just hope this girl can keep her wits about her because it is possible he could be panicing.

adeucalione Fri 28-Sep-12 09:55:16

On Wednesday the press were reporting that the French authorities weren't looking for him, and hadn't done ATM or mobile phone checks, because he hadn't committed a crime in that country.

I thought - great, this is probably a ruse and will make him more likely to break cover and use his credit card.

But then yesterday they announced the international arrest warrant. Couldn't they have issued the arrest warrant without publicising it? I also think that the more pressure that is piled on them, the more desperate they will become, whether that involves a stupid irreversible decision, a move out of the EU or going deeper underground.

FatimaLovesBread Fri 28-Sep-12 10:32:51

Thank you lilblonde for wording it better than me smile

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 10:40:53

On the front of the Mirror "Mum is in pieces come home."

Don't see how this helps Magen? - besides it making her feel bad and guilty, as if it's all about her mum. It's about Magen who needs the adults to be strong for her - giving her encouragement and containing HER - or shown to be containing in the reporting of it.

The papers need to stop whipping up this kind of hysteria- and reporting it this way.

I asked my 16 year old daughter what she thought. She said that there are a few very good looking teachers in her school - but would imagine the teacher would have to do A LOT of persuading for you to ever think of going off with them.

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