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Emotional, financial and psychological abuse is now to be officially recognised by police as domestic violence.

(116 Posts)
MummysHappyPills Wed 19-Sep-12 11:34:39

Just heard this on 6 music news. About time too.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 23:57:52

snap. you think you have the monopoly on abuse? news flash, you dont.

of course i can never understand? - wrong. i was a victim of abuse. i was homeless at 15. i was abused. i clawed my way out. you insult me.

you insult me.

and now im hiding this thread, before i truly say something.

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 23:19:40

Sorry I wasn't here to at your demand, I was with my family.

Again you are not listening to what I'm saying and taking out your anger on me. That is very professional.

I said there are serious issues within the system which allow these perpetrators to continue on until a horrific end. What is happening in the system to get to this? As a police officer don't you want to know what can be done to prevent this happening again?

I work with the police and abuse victims Vicar and am one myself. Thanks.

olgaga Wed 03-Oct-12 22:30:16

Blimey - wholly unnecessary and unedifying bunfight. Very sad.

I don't think anyone was trying to justify the shooting of two police officers!

The points made about the tolerance of domestic abuse do stand though.

That doesn't mean there aren't extremely good officers both in the police and the justice system whose life's work is to deal with it and eradicate it. I applaud them.

I do also understand that many people don't see justice.

The system is certainly not perfect. Can't we all accept that some people have a good experience with the police and criminal justice system, and others - too many - are let down. We must feel for them and understand the resulting, understandable bitterness and sense of isolation.

That doesn't take away from the great work done by dedicated officers in the police and judiciary, who deserve a big "thank you".

Anyway - I'm off to bed. Nitey night all.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 22:19:20

that silence is deafening. i am wondering what you actually do that supports these women? what you do?

or is that restricted to sitting behind a computer and typing stuff?

the dale cregan references are disgusting. i hope people read this thread and are equally disgusted with you.

the funerals are being held today and tomorrow.i put my money where my mouth is. i go to domestics. i spend time with victims whether they retract their statements or not, i support them, i listen to them. i spend hours with them.

id like to know what you actually do to help vintage

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 21:45:46

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 21:37:38

No Vicar you are taking personal offence where none was mentioned.

OhDear, really, and I've often, way to often, seen the complete opposite. I have as much right to open my mouth as you do and I will continue to do so as no one, not you or any one else has the right to stop me. How many rape victims do not report, how many rape victims who do report are then interrogated themselves? or worse?

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 21:33:54

No Vicar you are taking personal offence where none was mentioned.

OhDear, really, and I've often, way to often, seen the complete opposite. I have as much right to open my mouth as you do and I will continue to do so as no one, not you or any one else has the right to stop me. How many rape victims do not report, how many rape victims who do report are then interrogated themselves? or worse?

OhDearSpareHeadTwo Wed 03-Oct-12 20:59:22

Not that anyone really gives a shit about victims as long as it is not them it's happening to.

What a load of fucking crap.

I have a domestic rape case on trial at the moment. I went into work on my free day, have spent every single one of my precious mornings off this week sitting in court to support the victim, drove her home in my own car from her hearing today (something I am not supposed to do for reasons of personal safety), have spent hours and hours on the phone with her reassuring her and being her friend when she had a melt down. Clearly the reason for all of the above is because I don't give a shit about victims.

Think before you open your mouth in future.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 20:43:36

you are seriously not listening to anything i say are you? clearly not.

im wasting my breath and as such im off.

avenueone Wed 03-Oct-12 20:43:26

Olgaga talks a lot of sense - I don't shoot you down. I posted something in legal yesterday about the courts being too liberal on past violence and a link to a BBC Today programme podcast. In a previous post I said that the lawyers will stand by points of law they can use to enable them to take on paid for work - all very sad.

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 20:41:33

And the perpetrator of the police killings has previous, why wasn't he jailed before? where is the problem? because something is seriously wrong and either the police need to look at where they are failing victims or more needs to be done change the law and sentencing needs to be dealt with.

If perpetrators know they won't be penalised there is nothing to stop them.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 20:40:12

i think the remarks on dale cregan were uncalled for.

olgaga Wed 03-Oct-12 20:37:05

Vintage believe me I know where you're coming from - I do believe it I have seen it and even experienced it myself - although thankfully long before I was married and had my own DD.

That's why I'm hoping this will lead to a culture shift which is long overdue. I am shot down everywhere on this website where I have posted this, and my hopes for the future.

You should check out Legal Matters sometime - search for my posts - and see how prejudiced the advice is there - from "proper lawyers" no less - on contact issues.

Some support would be much appreciated.

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 20:30:40

I don't have anything to apologise for. I've seen the police walk away from victims, wether you want to believe it or not is your call. There are serious problems somewhere in the system, if the police don't bother with low level stuff it will never see the light of day in the courts and the cps will never have a decision to make and at the end of the day it is the police who have to deal with the perpetrators when they get past low level incidents and go on to murder, wether thats their partner or not.

olgaga Wed 03-Oct-12 20:10:08

Hey come on this is a serious subject. Violence - any kind of violence or abuse - whether in the home or directed at police officers doing their duty is just horrible.

I'm sure we can all agree on that.

My particular interest is in how the family courts seem to brush off domestic abuse as though it is only ever directed at the female "so that's alright then". We see the consequences of that to a greater or lesser extent all the time here and in RL.

I applaud you Vicar for your work, please don't be downcast because people are victims and don't know what the hell to do for the best. Sadly the education and support required is lacking and people like you bear the brunt of it, but please don't give up on victims of abuse - for every one that walks away and can't cope I'm sure there will be many who are really grateful for your help and understanding.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 19:46:28

jux its fine. smile dont worry.

Jux Wed 03-Oct-12 19:32:24

Vicar, I think I revived this thread, and I'm sorry I did. I assumed it would just wander off into a discussion about bots...

Jux Wed 03-Oct-12 19:30:36

Vintage, that was really out of order, you should be ashamed of yourself.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 16:20:53

was he known for DV?

did you read the part where i said all domestic violence cases go to the CPS or crown prosecution service ??

prosecutions without a victim who is willing to go to court will not run - the CPS will not run them unless its a serious or extreme case.

the decision is not in the hands of the police.

stop blaming the police for something we have absolutely no say in, and i think ti suggest that the police are in some way to blame for the actions of Dale Cregan in killing those officers is fairly reprehensible.

dale cregan is responsible for his actions - no one else.

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 14:57:23

Cheers for what? The police had been unable to do anything about that perpetrator and now two officers are dead.

The incident I saw was low level, what is that woman to do? wait until he's put her in intensive care before she's protected? dead? She's not safe unless he's behind bars but getting that conviction is nigh on impossible.

She has no money, he takes it, he controls everything she does and is so deeply damaged by mind games she can't get out.

A whole different approach is obviously needed.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 13:32:48

<purposely ignoring the cop killer aspect cheers for that though.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 13:31:53

actually we have strict guidelines on how we handle DV - i cant see how that is true.

what i find more depressing for example, is that last week i spent 4 hours with a victim of DV, taking a detailed statement, photographing her injuries, supporting her, preparing reports for other departments to take the case on and offer her support from other organisations.

i got an email 2 days later saying she has retracted her complaint and is back with him, despite the fact he abuses her, abused her baby so she had it taken into care, abused her pet so she got rid of it.

ultimately, sometimes, we are helpless. The CPS will not run low level cases of DV without a victim who is willing to aid prosecution.

sometimes - it all feels like a waste of time. i come home depressed and fed up.

VintageEbonyGuitar Wed 03-Oct-12 13:26:18

Vicar, no offence but obviously will cause offence there is a lot wrong with how the police handle dv. God knows what "some" police officers are trained in as only a few weeks ago I heard a "female" officer telling a victim off for winding up the perpetrator. There is a long way to go in respect to dv and the law/police practice.

Not that anyone really gives a shit about victims as long as it is not them it's happening to.

Maybe acting quicker with dv perps would keep cop killers behind bars?

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Oct-12 12:12:01

i thought what the "news" aspect was that it now applied to people under the age of 18 - previously under home office guidelines this did not apply to under 18's - although we obviously were aware that it did and had our own procedures in place to report DV for those under the age of 18.

didnt see the age of the thread - it was in active convos when i posted.

olgaga Wed 03-Oct-12 07:21:31

Vicarina the Home Office has formally adopted the ACPO guidelines in its own definition, which was not previously the case.

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