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Should women be able to check partners' records?

(110 Posts)
moonferret Sat 16-Jul-11 23:15:45

I've just noticed this article in the Mail.
Do you feel that it's reasonable, or should men have the same "equal" rights? Or are criminal records (where they exist) supposed to be confidential as I do?
No marks for the first person referring to it as the Daily Fail rather than offering anything constructive!

moonferret Sat 16-Jul-11 23:17:13

Sorry, should read, "Or do you believe criminal records (where they exist) are supposed to be confidential, as I do?".

nancy75 Sat 16-Jul-11 23:21:24

I don't see how they could do it. I could turn up at the police station and say i'm anyone's girlfriend - what sort of proof would you have/need?

moonferret Sat 16-Jul-11 23:23:52

Exactly, I don't understand that part of it either. At what point could you "demonstrate" that you were sufficiently in a relationship to be entitled to that information? And would you then be free to pass the information on to all and sundry?

danniclare Sun 17-Jul-11 01:22:17

There already is a law relating to disclosure of information about sexual offenses to people with a valid reason - for example if your kids start playing round the neighbours house. There are supposed to be checks to see if the request is genuine. But it only relates to sexual offences, not violence.
YES, if you let someone move in with you then you should be entitled to know if they beat up their previous partner. It's going beyond the normal range of social interactions and into the intimate, and disclosure goes with intimacy. But checks and balances would be a nightmare, and let's not kid ourselves, there's a load of men out there with a history of violence who have never been convicted.

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 02:04:43

So wouldn't it be reasonable for men to be able to check if their new woman had a "history"? Not necessarily for violence, but perhaps as a serial gold digger, like this woman.

rainbowtoenails Sun 17-Jul-11 09:46:35

Oh yeah, because gold digging and domestic violence are comparable,,hmm. What an insulting thing to say to victims of crime.

edam Sun 17-Jul-11 09:56:19

Yes. It'd save a lot of women from being beaten.

Colleague of mine has just had her husband arrested and thrown out of the house. She is in pieces. Normally a very strong, confident woman at work and keeps saying 'I can't believe I've been so stupid'. But he wore away at her confidence, isolated her from her friends and family, until she was so used to being belittled that she started to think she deserved it. Wasn't until he attacked her so badly she thought she was going to die that she realised she had to escape. They have two children, a 4yo and a baby.

HoneyPablo Sun 17-Jul-11 10:06:21

I don't think mistrust is any basis for a relationship. If I felt the need to check, then I would probably feel the relationship wasn't right anyway.

ToothbrushThief Sun 17-Jul-11 10:09:49

I can't imagine this working in practice. There are loads of men out there who have behaved abusively but do not have a criminal record

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 16:21:06

Of course they are "comparable" rainbowtoenails
Dismissing having several thousand pounds defrauded from you is a very insulting thing to say to victims of crime.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Sun 17-Jul-11 16:24:51

I don't think they are comparable. Having your money stolen, while horrible for you, puts you in no physical danger. If you hook up with a gold digger, then you might end up having your money stolen. If you hook up with someone who has a history of beating the shit out of their partners - you might end up dead.

Money and life are not comparable, imo.

TrillianAstra Sun 17-Jul-11 16:25:40

Either criminal records are private or they are not.

How about this...?

Encourage every new couple to go to the STD clinic together and read their own and each others' test results.

And encourage every couple to go to the police station together, request a copy of their own records, and read their own and each other's.

Anyone who refuses, maybe they have something to hide.

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 16:32:07

That sounds like a good idea TrillianAstra

I like the STD check part of it!

MitchiestInge Sun 17-Jul-11 16:41:34

Is that supposed to be a joke, the gold digging thing?

I married someone knowing they had already served a prison sentence for violence against women so some of us obviously can't be helped. In my defence his side of the story sounded so plausible and I was young.

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 16:47:34

It's not a joke at all, did you read the article I posted the link to? And there have been many similar cases.

MitchiestInge Sun 17-Jul-11 16:51:04

What does the ease of parting a fool from his money have to do with domestic violence though?

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 16:57:48

You clearly think it's acceptable from that line.
If I had the choice between an "average" domestic beating and having all of my money taken, I'd opt for the former.
I also think that if women have a right to this information, then men should know if she's previously made any sexual allegations, and the outcome of those allegations.

MitchiestInge Sun 17-Jul-11 17:01:18

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 17:04:48

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MitchiestInge Sun 17-Jul-11 17:08:27

Do you mean descent?

Yes, have lost debate. I don't know what I was thinking, men are the real victims etc.

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 17:11:22

Yes, typo there..

Do you mean, "Yes, I have lost the debate"?

What you need to realise is that men and women can be victims, and neither is more important than the other. Is that too difficult for you to grasp?

MitchiestInge Sun 17-Jul-11 17:13:12

I will try my hardest. Thank you so much for your help!

moonferret Sun 17-Jul-11 17:18:30

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

rainbowtoenails Sun 17-Jul-11 19:31:42

Do you think the relatives of one of the 2 women a week who are murdered by partners

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