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Mom made kids watch home birth despite their protests

(25 Posts)
doubleshotlatte Tue 11-Jan-11 22:30:10

This mom blogger and columnist made her daughters, aged 3 and 6, witness her home birth. This, after they both said no, they didn't want to watch it.

here

If you can, read some of the comments that followed too.

Btw, just been told am "ideal candidate for home birth" and am sleepless with worry about DD, no relatives nearby, no help......

Habbibu Tue 11-Jan-11 22:34:34

doubleshot, how old is your dd? Do you have toddler group/preschool/school parents you might be able to ask?

Hassled Tue 11-Jan-11 22:35:16

Well she didn't actually make them watch it, did she? She was just piss poor at organisation and failed to find them somewhere alternative to be at the time. They weren't strapped down and made to watch, or even in the room for most of it from what I understood.

Ormirian Tue 11-Jan-11 22:36:21

SIL was in the house when DH was born. No big deal. She was asleep in bed and woke up at 6am in time to meet her little brother.

QueenGigantaurofMnet Tue 11-Jan-11 22:39:50

those poor girls will probably be terrified of birth forever more.

god help them if they ever fall pregnant

doubleshotlatte Tue 11-Jan-11 22:40:27

DD is 2.5 and my worry is my labour was v short last time, 3-4 hrs. Hence the high possibility things might happen when it's just her and me alone. She doesnt like mummy crying or even exclaiming in pain, bless her. So, um, hmm.

I suppose I will warn my mom friends but it feels like asking a lot of them.

Habbibu Tue 11-Jan-11 22:44:18

Well, it's quite possible that your friends may have otehr children themselves in the future, so you can return the favour. Ask around, make a list of who's free when, make a wee sheet of what your dd's rough routine/likes/comforts are, etc. Most people will be only too glad to help, and would be sad to think you were worrying/struggling and didn't ask.

Might a doula be helpful, doubleshotlatte? She might be able to support you part of the time and keep an eye on your dd part of the time, whilst your dp does the opposite, if you see what I mean.

One of my best friends had a homebirth with her dd, and her ds was at home whilst she was in labour and delivering - and he was perfectly fine with it - she laboured through the night, so he was asleep, but woke up in time to see his sister arrive - and according to my friend, it made it even more special.

I had homebirths with ds2 and ds3, and each time I was lucky enough to have local friends on standby to look after them - though we found out after I had ds3 that ds1 was incubating chicken pox - he came home with the first pock mark, and gave my lovely friend chicken pox as a thankyou for having him!

cory Wed 12-Jan-11 09:04:58

Reading that article, it seems the girls were already completely panicked because of information overload before labour even started: sounds like the mum was using them as confidantes and making a big deal out of the "woman together" thing. Totally inappropriately given their ages.

Even if they weren't strapped down, they had already had their noses rubbed in the birth far more than they wanted by the sounds of it.

Doesn't mean that anyone who has a home birth has to handle it like that.

corns1lky Wed 12-Jan-11 09:16:11

she wanted them there for her benefit - that's why she didn't sort it out properly

corns1lky Wed 12-Jan-11 09:17:59

why did she have to drop in that it was her 2nd home birth? Oh yes - home birth makes you a 'hero'

Bumperlicious Wed 12-Jan-11 09:44:24

I had a hb and due to a short labour with dd1 & was panicking about her being around, I knew I wouldn't be able to relax. I told everyone that I was planing to have my baby on the Tuesday, my due date, I even wrote a thread on here saying that was what I'd like happen, & it did! They often say your body will wait till you are ready, after all how many people do you hear about giving birth in sainsbo's etc, hardly any!

Poshpaws Wed 12-Jan-11 09:51:25

I've had 2 HBs and with the first, my sis came at 2am to take DS1 to her house.. He was, in fact, fast asleep and I could have just left him there, but I was a little panicky about him waking.

With DS3, DS1 was picked up from school and DS2, who was 22 months, stayed. He was awake whilst I was in labour and was playing with the plastic sheeting on the floor hmm. He then went to bed when I was getting to the transition phase and went straight to sleep. And woke up to meet DS3, just as DS1 came through the door.

So maybe your DD will sleep through. Or ask your friends.

Summerfruit Wed 12-Jan-11 10:07:05

I had a hb for dd2 and unfortunately dd1 was there, me upstairs her downstairs, she could hear me mooing and asked her daddy if I was hurt. She doesnt seem traumautised by the experience and she got to see her little sister immediately after birth but if I had to have a hb again I'll organize myself better.

belgo Wed 12-Jan-11 10:11:30

Doubleshotlatte - my two girls, aged 4 and 3 at the time, were both fast asleep in their bedroom when I gave birth to ds.

My sil was on stand by to have them but it wasn't necessary.

doubleshotlatte Wed 12-Jan-11 12:43:36

Thanks everyone for the supportive stories.

Bumperlicious I really want to believe that one's body waits till one is ready... please let it be so confused cos I wouldn't be able to relax either...

I definitely wouldn't do things the way the author of the article did!!

doubleshotlatte Wed 12-Jan-11 12:44:36

Belgo I assume you're not a screamer then grin

belgo Wed 12-Jan-11 13:55:24

I do remember screaming at the midwife to keep the bedroom door shut so as not to awake the children!

belgo Wed 12-Jan-11 13:58:20

Forgot to say, about two hours after the birth, my children trotted in dreary eyed to meet their new brother. DD2 promptly throw up, just missing him (I think she was too tired).

Then I bled very heavily and it was all a bit dramatic, midwives rushing around giving me drugs to stop the bleeding and getting me stable. DD1 remembers seeing all of this - including a lot of blood - but she doesn't seem bothered by it, and certainly not traumatised.

NightLark Wed 12-Jan-11 14:00:35

DS was asleep upstairs for most of my HB labour. Then Dh took him out to the paper shop for 30 mins at about 7.30 am, then they came back and said 'hi', then DH took him out to a toddler group and they had barely got through the door of that when the MW suggested I phone to let them know DD had arrived - it must have been just minutes after they'd left the house. No one was traumatisedsmile.

I did have a huge list of potential willing helpers though - you may be as a amazed as I was by how many acquaintances are willing (and happy) to help out.

RhinestoneCowgirl Wed 12-Jan-11 14:08:17

DS (2.5 at the time) slept through his sister's birth. I was tramping up and down stairs mooing, right by his bedroom, so not exactly quiet.

My mum was staying with us so that she could look after him if necessary. I also had a couple of friends on standby to help out if I went into labour during the day before my mum could get there. People are usually happy to help if you make a specific request.

youareallcunts Wed 12-Jan-11 14:19:31

The bit about having a homebirth making you a hero - the opposite of having an ELCS made me piss myself with laughter.

I have no issue with homebirth personally, but SO many people are prejudiced against it and think you're a risk taking twat for having one (not me, btw).

allnightlong Wed 12-Jan-11 16:44:37

Cornsilk to be fair to her she her self says although people hold you up as a 'hero' in her own words 'But the praise isn't true (like hell, I was a hero), crunchiness gets exaggerated'

She seems very disorganised and 'chilled' out to the detriment to her children, almost uncaring in a Laissez-faire sort of manner.

You do not need to have your children witnessing a live birth to educate them about birth. For one thing had she need an EM-C I bet she wouldn't have insisted they come and watch that too but that for many is their reality of childbirth and may end up her children's.
So in the end she is indoctrinating them with her own ideals, beliefs and politics the exact opposite of what she was claiming she wanted to do.

I don't believe at all she wasn't prepared for her daughters reaction, she admits one of them is senstive she just didn't give a fuck it was all about her regardless of her own childrens well-being.

StuffingGoldBrass Fri 14-Jan-11 13:31:27

Bloody woman. Bet those kids need years of therapy - not just from having to witness the birth but from being brought up by a self-obsessed twat with lousy boundaries.

MadamDeathstare Fri 14-Jan-11 13:40:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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