This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Social services concerning me .(17 Posts)
Hi I'm new to this site I just want a little bit of advice -
My partner is due to come out of prison, reason he is in there is he was involved in a fight charged with assault ,
It's his first time in prison and has hit him hard , he has learnt his lesson to walk away in future !
Social sevices became involved as he was planning to come home they say it's common procedure -
I have no issues with there involvement -
But what I do have issues with is my social worker has concerns with me having 3 children to 3 different men. ( i was with there dads 2 year - 7 year and 8 years ! On top of that he has issues they don't see there dads - my eldest dads a paedophile-
The second child his dad couldn't handle the split so chose to walk away from his child as it hurt him too much ( his excuse ) I tried many times to make him have contact )
My 3rd child which the sw is well aware of tried to practically have me killed a few months after I asked him to leave - no violence in the relationship only after I found he had a secret drug habit so ended the relationship- he has been in prison for arson against me , a lot he hasn't been charged with - sending a knife man in to burgle me - had 4 men come to my home kick my door down with petrol plan to burn me - setting my car on fire - it's parked In front of my gas mains .. Damaging every car I have owned in 2 years , tried to get my 15 yr old st time into bed ! Who called him dad ! )
too much to list , this went on for 2 years , I ended up with police cctv .
There is a court order preventing him seeing the child also as the judge wanted him to do drug and alcohol test for contact with the child , I did mine - all clear I don't even drink , he didn't do his or show to the hearing , the judge has concernes ,
Even though sw has full knowledge of this he still shared his concern with my partners mum !! He has these concerns ! ( his words to mother in law .. I'm concerned she has 3 children to 3 different men - also they don't see them ..
How dare he judge me for one , and 2 feel the need to share that with my partners mum !
He also asked my partners ex about my child's farther !!
He sat there after all I told him the child's farther did and asked why does that stop the child seeing her dad !!
He wants to no were he lives !
I can't have any more involvement with my ex if he gets any wiff of ss it will all start again - he would love to ruin my life ..
Why is the sw so hell bent on my child seeing a man she doesn't even remember no more , let alone tried to kill her mum ! And put her at Risk With the fire and every thing elce ,
She calls my partner dad she loved him and he loves her , the sw keeps reminding me my kids are not his and why have I alloud my child to call him dad ..
Not sure if it's even a culture difference -
My step dad bought me up he did a fab job I don't see the issue .
Not sure if any one can shed light on his reasons .
Well its not that you have different dads to the children rather the type of men you have chosen pose a risk to your children- including your violent offender. If you can't see why this would be a concern it shows even more lack of judgement and naivety.
Yes, I agree that it's your poor judgment they're concerned with. Two violent men and a paedophile for partners will ring alarm bells re your children's safety.
The first partner I was young 15 didn't no any different -
The second there was no issues with him apart from we grew apart - the 3rd dad had no issues untill the end of the relationship -
So no I don't understand you there -
My current Partner was started on on a night out - it happens a lot in the real world , he did try to walk away as the cctv shown but the guy wouldn't give up - so my partner pushed the guy away who came at him with a glass and it went from there - sadly the other guy came worse off - he wasn't proud of what happened and is sorry - 1 inncudent does not make him a violent man -
Every one has an ex for a reason
Does that make every one bad for there choise in men ?
i feel I fully protected my child keeping the child away from a mentally unstable man -
That the sw seems to want to reunite my child with - now that concerns me more .
I think you need to ask yourself why you choose these men!!
I am finding your OP quite hard to read. Is this child No 3’s dad you are talking about? I suspect the SW is trying to work out the family relationships and dynamics. Are you sure he wants to reunite them? Maybe you have misunderstood?
Of course it makes him a violent man.
I would recommend you split up with your current boyfriend and spend a LOT of time single. Concentrate on your kids, and do the Freedom Programme.
I think they are probably concerned that your choice of men would impact on the children, not that you have children by different men as such.
If you want to keep your family together, get rid of this latest violent one.
I agree with the others. The issue is your choice of men, including the current one. You're making excuses and minimising behaviour most people would find totally unacceptable.
I take it, it was not his first offence? Or it was especially violent?
People do not usually go to jail for a street fight they have tried to walk away from.
Read your OP back, pretending you are someone else. Surely you can see why they are concerned given that your dp is in prison for a violent crime.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Wow! A paedophile, a child abandoner, a violent psychopath and now an aggressive criminal.
No, can't see why they're concerned at all
The issue is that you don't seem to have learnt from your past as you are in another relationship with a violent man (maybe not to you but he's in prison for assault so he is violent), so of course there is legitimate concern.
I'm a retired social worker in Children's Services. I'm a bit confuse too -is this partner who is currently in prison your 4th partner.I'd have some concerns on the basis that you seem to be minimising your current partner and how he ended up in prison. It's highly unlikely he would have gone to prison for a first offence so he must have "previous" and his offence must have been serious. You say "it started on a night out-it happens on a lot in the real world" NO it doesnt and the way you describe it,that the bloke in the fight "came off worse" almost like it was an accident. I'm guessing your partner "glassed" him or something similar.
I accept that the 3rd partner became violent when you wanted to end the relationship but I find it hard to believe he would have turned into such a violent partner with no hint of this beforehand.
The SW should absolutely NOT have discussed anything about your circumstances with anyone else - that's a break of confidentiality. Having said this I see why he is concerned - you have had 4 different partners and this latest one is about to be released from prison and it's likely you will be pregnant again. I would be concerned about your choice of partners and minimising your current partner's offence.
I think the SW is trying to work out whose who in your family and wants to make some evaluation of the future. Current partner is I assume a stepfather to the other 3 children and that would concern me given his violent temperament. My only advice is to co-operate and take advice from Children's Services and make sure you put your children first, even before the current partner.
OP SS will take your history and your current partner and assess whether you are able to ensure your children are safe. With respect, it doesn't sound like you're making the right choices in relation to men. Your current partner committed an offence violent enough to warrant a custodial sentence. That's serious. And not someone who should be involved with a vulnerable (because you are, if you're unable to make the right positive choices) woman and her children.
Op, I would get this thread moved to 'relationships' to keep it active. 'Human rights' is pretty dead.
Firstly, social services have your best interests at heart. You need to work with them, not against them.
Secondly, I think your current partner is lying about his criminal history. It is unlikely he went to prison over just once incident.
Rouge I can see why social services have concerns, given your history it seems you chose the wrong kind of men and have in the past made a few wrong choices. Social services are just doing their job, you need to work with them and give them no reason for concern.
It sounds like you current partner may have anger issues, yes prison may have given him a shock but the type of people that snap and hit someone are likely to do it again which is why social services are concerned. If I was in your situation (and I have been in a similar situation) I would not have him back in my house, for the simple fact that the welfare of my children comes before anything. He's not the father of any of your children yet your letting a man that has gone to prison for hitting someone into your home? I'm guessing that he is lying about never doing anything like this before, if it was his first offence I doubt he would have got a prison sentence unless he caused some serious damage to the person he attacked??
Earlier in the year, I kicked my dp out and was advised not to let him back or social services would have to step in to protect my children. I put my children first and I now have an injunction out to protect us. I loved this man but my kids will always come before anything and there's no way I want social services questioning my children safety.