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I have recently (a year ago) gone back to full time work, My house is shameful, please help me!

(17 Posts)
Julezboo Sun 12-Jul-09 19:12:16

My mum has been here for the weekend and gone home upset at the state of my house, she told me in the nicest possible way how worried she is that we are not coping...

We aren't, she's right, its a mess, there is washing everywhere, I currently have a pile of dirty washing in the kitchen (which to be fair will be done tonight) but then i also have a mountain in the bathroom. Then I have small piles of clean washing everywhere! We have just had the week off work after getting married and we did manage to transform the living room and our bedroom.

I am ashamed though, i don't ever invite people over. How do we find the time, by the time we get the kids home, bathed and in bed its touching 9pm, we then have to eat ourselves and do a little work from home...

My mum will help as much as she can from 200 miles away she wants to see pictures of before rooms and after. We have made a start on the bathroom tonight.

If i'm totally honest its getting me really down, we have loads of friends we could invite over. It's the house though, we bought it off MIL, she had some cowboy fit the bathroom, it looks a mess, I have repainted it from green to bright white which helps a little. The kitchen is painted in navy blue which I hate! We are slowly getting round to these jobs but I know deep down i don't want to stay here, I dont like the house it has and never will feel like ours because she still comes round and treats it like its her house, sticking random plastic shit over window sills n such Grrr!!

Please give me some tips!!!

pasturesnew Sun 12-Jul-09 19:26:56

I honestly don't think you can both work full-time without finding the housework getting on top of you every now and again. I find this helps me not to feel so bad about it when we're going through an untidy patch, it's normal I think to struggle a bit when you've just got back from holiday (congratulations on your wedding BTW!) or if you've been ill etc.

Can you get a cleaner? I'd get one regularly if possible or as a one-off to help you get over the worst of it.

I can sympathise that not liking the house doesn't help, when we were in a temporary house last year due to moving I got a LOT messier as I just wasn't committed to it. It's much better in our new place as we don't mind spending money on permanent storage and I know if we clean and tidy it will actually look mostly the way we want it to.

Suggest Ikea storage as a stop-gap measure e.g. their Trovit range is quite capacious.

Think about what you really need to do for hygiene's sake, I'd suggest washing-up, laundry and clean floors for crawling babies (if applicable) are more important than tidy toys. If you can commit to keeping on top of what you feel are the essentials this will help you feel better and then you can think of other tidying as extras to be dealt with when you have time.

DH and I generally do some tidying on weekdays just after DS bed and bath and then mostly catch up on everything else at the weekends but we always try to leave the house for park or similar by 10.30 a.m. at weekends or we find that the feeling of never-ending housework can spoil the day.

MrsBadger Sun 12-Jul-09 19:30:20

little and often

pick your battles and trim it down to the essentials

share the load with dh

eg we never ever iron
and never ever dust
I am always on top of the laundry
and DH is always on top of the kitchen

and make deals

eg if DH wants 3h off to watch the grand prix he will hoover
if I clean the bathrrom I get a lie in

chevre Sun 12-Jul-09 19:31:10

do one wash every day.
have a place for everything and make an effort to put everything away every day.

how old are you children? can they help. can you even pretend they are helping to get some good habits established?

you have my sympathy!

chevre Sun 12-Jul-09 19:32:25

i am so relieved other folk don't dust. i used to dust i just don't have the inclination time anymore

othersideofthefence Sun 12-Jul-09 19:35:41

I think that if you can afford a cleaner it would make a huge difference.

In our last house things really got on top of me. It belonged to MIL and althought it was in a beautiful setting it was v small and poorly designed.

When we got a cleaner it meant that the night before she came we were compelled to tidy/sort and things didn't get out of hand.
I know it seems like a cop out, paying someone to clean, but for me it was more the fact that I had to tidy that made the difference

You are totally right when you say not liking the house makes a difference. I love my new (dream)house and even tho I am a slattern at heart I have made a huge effort to keep thing clean and tidy (to my own slovenly standads)

MrsBadger Sun 12-Jul-09 19:37:55

oh and ignore all insulting relativesd unless they offer to pay for a cleaner

MIL does this, says 'Oh Wilhelmina, don't you feel it's all getting on top of you?' (meaning 'I could write my name on your bookshelves') and I smile sweetly and say, 'Oh no, we are all well and happy, wortk is so interesting and the Dcs are such a joy' (meaning 'fuck off and die you nosy old baggae')

sunburntats Sun 12-Jul-09 19:38:53

I agree, little and often,
I put the washer on before i go to bed, then hang out or put it on the maiden when kids having brecky. Then when i get home, moslty is dry, pile on bottom stair so who ever goes upsatars takes the pile with them.

Do this every other day.

I clean the bathroom and hoover top to bottom on a sat morning.Damp dust every surface as well. Takes about an hour and a half.

Clear up as we go along, each evening i do 10 mins while dinner is cooking.

Use the slow cooker Allot cos its done when we get in from work, gives me a few minutes to have a tidy.

This keeps it at bay.

But i am a bit obsessive and once every few months i take a week off work to blitz the place top to bottom, chuck out junk, clear wardrobes to charity shops and do things like the oven and windows.
Needs to be a joint effort though to keep on top of it.

MrsBadger Sun 12-Jul-09 19:43:18

shock at taking a week off every few months to clean

~I'd have no holiday left

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 12-Jul-09 19:46:27

Definitely never dust or iron, and buy a big huge laundry basket. Out of sight, out of mind is my motto! Then now and again , blitz it or take it for a service wash on way to work! You are working and you are a mum, you have enough on your plate. The tip of getting a cleaner is also a good one, and give him or her a list of jobs so you know exactly what they'll do. Do not listen to interfering relatives, they have no right to opine unless they are also offering help.

foxinsocks Sun 12-Jul-09 19:47:39

re people coming over, just shove all the washing etc. under the bed or in a cupboard

I want to get one of those rugs people have for lego (you can just pull the ends and everything on them gets gathered together in a bag iyswim....will see if I can find one)

I think containment is the idea for guests

re cleaning, we also work FT and don't have a cleaner and our house looks much the same tbh. The MINUTE I get up on Saturday, I shove a wash on (try and remember on Friday night). I probably do 4 washes on Saturday (while nipping in and out).

sunburntats Sun 12-Jul-09 19:48:36

Well thats what i tell Dh, so i spend about 2 days blitzing then the rest reading books...lovely gorgeous books that i never have the opportunity to do normally.

I only do it about 2/3 times a year and i am fortunate in that i get great holidays and time owed to me.

greenelephant Sun 12-Jul-09 19:49:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Forester Sun 12-Jul-09 19:54:47

And don't worry about the diy - that's low priority - particularly if you don't intend to stay long term. Removing it from the jobs list may reduce some of the pressure you are feeling.

oranges Sun 12-Jul-09 19:54:51

DONT send your mothers pictures of before and after. It wil really not help in any way. You've got to figure out what works for you. Agree that an occassional service wash where all laundry is returned clean and ironed can really help. And make sure you don't have too many clothes - if you have so many piles everywhere, it strikes me you have too much really. Can you store or get rid of some of it?

Julezboo Sun 12-Jul-09 20:29:04

Thanks all, i do feel bad because when I was at home, even with a school age child and a small baby i was pretty good at keeping on top of it...

Think what has got me down the most is that I did actually spent 5 hours cleaning the house before she got here on Saturday hmm

I know its messy and I know we are lazy...

Funny you should mention the cleaner, we do kind of have one... MIL, she tends to come once a week and gets on top of the washing for us, but having gone into my front room this weekend, found a pile of my clothes whilst she's been putting the two boys and DH's away shock she doesn't like me LOL!

We can't afford to pay a cleaner at the moment to be honest what with the wedding etc...

I am not upset with my mum, she did help alot this weekend whilst she was here and I know she would help more if we where closer. I am glad she said something because otherwise I would have continued to ignore it!

Boys are 7 and 2 btw! 7 year has done his room today but the 2 year old is too busy running round to help

I will try some of these tips, I agree we do need to keep on top of it a lot more! I have just cleaned my living room, which is now toy free and done the dishes and put them away so I am getting somewhere

FourArms Thu 16-Jul-09 07:19:56

Your MIL probably didn't want to interfere with your stuff - kids clothes aren't so personal, and she's your DH's mum, so probably feels fine doing his. I know noone else could put my clothes away the way I like them done, but then I never put them away either blush

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