I'm a SAHM with a 3 year old DS and a fairly messy DH and I feel all I EVER do is wash up, load and unload the dishwasher, constantly wipe up bits from the worktops and cooker and sweep the floor.
I'm not a slattern; I like the kitchen clean but I do feel like I'm missing some vital gene or piece of information which is preventing me from achieving a calm and hygienic kitchen without spending every waking moment attending to it.
I do know what you mean. I have 2 ds's, 1 3.8 and 1 too young to eat food (8 weeks), and a messy dh so really empathise with you! Guess you could try preparing as few meals as possible, i.e. make sure your ds eats the same as you and dh so that you are making meals three times a day instead of six. And do all chopping of veg etc/other lunch and dinner prep in the morning so that for the rest of the day there is no "big" cooking going on, just snacks. I did this myself today actually (because ds2 only woke twice in the night and therefore I had a bit of energy and got a tad manic first thing!) and all it's taken is a few flicks with the cloth and it's still tidy and clean.
Also, what are you doing having a dishwasher AND washing up?! Load the dw as you go and stick it on whenever it's full, even if that means twice a day. It'll keep all the untidy dirty stuff out of the way and mean you do't get annoying drips all over the place from hand washing up. Lazy? Maybe. Easier? Most certainly
(All this is said off the top of my head really, as someone who is also a slave to her kitchen but feels it reflects her state of mind somewhat and so needs to make it tidy or the plot gets utterly lost, all control is gone and I might as well be rocking quietly in the corner!)