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Please help me. My house is disgusting

(206 Posts)
MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:06:54

I'd post pics but I'm too embarrassed and scared DM will steal.

I have MH issues and I get so overwhelmed. I'm always so tired. I grew up in filth and now I'm doing the same. I have too much stuff. Bin bags of dirty washing

My kitchen is foul. My bathroom too.

I'm so ashamed.
No get it done when I'm on a high in my bipolar cycle then I can't keep up with it and it gets gross again. Then I spiral because it stresses me out so much.

How do people manage to have nice clean houses

I'm such a failure

OlennasWimple Wed 13-Jun-18 23:08:23


Have you got any RL help?

Can you afford to buy in some help, either a deep clean, or a regular cleaner?

KarmaStar Wed 13-Jun-18 23:15:42

Hi op
You can't be a failure,you've recognized you need help and you have asked for it.
May I suggest you speak to a doctor about your mental health first?
Then,identify where the diet bothers you most and have a clean.don't look at the whole room.
Say for instance it's the kitchen,start with cleaning the sink.
Once that's done try the work tops.
Tackle it but by but and how to keep the areas you've done clean.
Alternatively,if you can afford it,book a cleaning company to come in and give your home a spring clean.
If you have family and friends nearby ,could you ask them to come round one day and having a cleaning session and then offer a take away and wine after as a thank you?
There are people who love the satisfaction of giving something a good clean!
Nobody is here to judge you op.
Do you live alone?

KarmaStar Wed 13-Jun-18 23:16:50

Dirt bothers you not diet!!!sorry.
Not ..not can't!! Ffs

KarmaStar Wed 13-Jun-18 23:18:37

Apologies for typing errors it keeps changing my bit by bit...going to throw it out of the window in a minute!

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:19:22

I'm on medication and benefits because my anxiety is so bad. So I have little spare cash, definitely cannot afford a cleaner and I would be too embarrassed to let them in.
It just feels like a never ending cycle that I cannot keep up with.

LovelyBranches Wed 13-Jun-18 23:22:41

Whay are you struggling with? The thought of doing it all or not knowing how to do it all. Might a list of how others clean rooms help so that you can break it down into smaller jobs?

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:23:26

I live with my kids and my partner who is ill aswell. Some times I feel like we just feed off each other's illness and we get defeated together.

I can tidy the house immaculately when I'm feeling good but then I'll spiral and it just goes to shit again.

It's a real mess

I posted because I was just watching that ambulance programme and the crew went in someone's house and it was so clean and I thought if something happened to me I would die of embarrassment if the paramedics came in here.

I have no friends and don't really see my family so no one comes in really

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:24:29

It's hardnto explain when people have a healthy brain
It's everything. It's being overwhelmed. Like it's too much to even start so I just go to bed and cry instead sad

KenDoddsDadsDogIsDead Wed 13-Jun-18 23:25:49

I am like you. I recently tackled one room. It took a massive effort just to get started..but I am so glad I did.
Try tackling it in manageable chunks. Don't set impossible realistic but keep going.
The sense of achievement is immense.
You have already made the biggest start by recognising and admitting the problem...keep going xxx

Tipee22 Wed 13-Jun-18 23:27:02

Hi op. Bless you, it sounds very overwhelming!! Maybe just start small? Choose one area to tackle each day/week and set yourself time limits to work on it.

I know it must be very difficult to allow people in to help but if you have family or friends around I’m sure they would love to help you. I’m sure they wouldn’t judge you.

letsallhaveanap Wed 13-Jun-18 23:28:29

Have you got a friend who could help? If not by actively cleaning, by coming round and helping motivate you?

Best thing to do is make a list of things that need doing then separate it into small jobs you could do each day.
So try and do a couple of jobs a day.
It can be overwhelming to look at how much there is to tackle overall but you dont need to take it on all at once.
For example write a list planning what you think you could do easily in one day.... include what you will do to work up to it in the morning like: Get dressed, have a large coffee, put on some music, open one bag of dirty washing to sort through
And include break times and some sort of reward like watching an episode of your fave tv program when youve done some of the things on the list...

I feel for you because I can get overwhelmed by housework sometimes.
Its important to keep your spirits up about it because often its the thought of it all weighing down on you that is worse than the actual doing of it.... when you eventually find the energy to start to tackle it you will find that its easier than you thought... its just finding that initial energy...

OlennasWimple Wed 13-Jun-18 23:28:34

I find when I'm overwhelmed I make lists. Even if they have ridiculous things on them that I should take for granted, like "load dishwasher" or "hang out laundry". Both because it helps me realise how much I am actually doing, but also because then I get the satisfaction of crossing things off along with prompting me to stay on top of the basics

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:30:44

It feels like I will do one room and then by the time I move on to the next room and spend my time doing that them the first one gets trashed again.

I can't do all the washing. I have bags and bags of it.

I can't afford to go to the laundrette and have no transport so would need a taxi.

I think I need to sort it out and throw a lot away

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:31:56

I thought maybe a Rota would help. Like a daily chart of things to do once I've got it in good shape?

furandchandeliers Wed 13-Jun-18 23:34:16

Maybe prioritise what absolutely has to be done every day, so every one needs to eat, everyone needs clean clothes, everyone needs a clean toilet and bed to sleep in.

Tackle those first every day then set yourself something extra every day as big or small as your up tosmile

furandchandeliers Wed 13-Jun-18 23:35:52

How old are your kids and why doesn't t your partner help? I know you said he's ill but so are you, so why is it only your problem?

AdoraBell Wed 13-Jun-18 23:37:39

Don’t be ashamed, this is not something you have chosen to do.

If you feel up to it then either start with a room, or a cupboard. How is your bedroom? Could you make that your calm space.

upsetangryandpissed Wed 13-Jun-18 23:41:15

Proud of you for recognising that you need help & for asking for it. I think a rota is a fab idea, it really helped & continues to help me keep on top of my house work while working. There are some jobs that I do everyday without fail & some i do weekly like dusting etc. Pinterest is good for helping set up a cleaning rota. How old are you children? could you maybe give them age appropriate jobs?

Casmama Wed 13-Jun-18 23:46:03

With regards to the washing, do one bag at a time. When it is clean go through it and separate into bin, keep, charity shop.
Hang up stuff you are keeping even if not ironed and go to your nearest charity shop every few days with stuff you aren’t keeping.
Pick a room that is most important to you- the one you spend the most time in. Declutter, tidy, clean and commit to keeping that one room clean. If you can do others then great but if not, don’t sit in chaos cosbits so bloody depressing- been there.
You can do this op and I think you would be sufprised by how much a few small steps can give you back a feeling of control.
Good luck

LadyGrey66 Wed 13-Jun-18 23:47:16

Hi OP, firstly I'd like to say please don't feel ashamed for asking for help, this is what this forum's here for. If sounds like you're really overwhelmed at the moment, and sometimes just getting started is the hardest bit. I's recommend googling 'fly lady' and then going to the 'emergency cleaning' bit. It's really helped me in the past, so it could be some use. Good luck!

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:47:22

I never said my partner doesn't help me. She does. We're just both ill so we don't have the drive to be productive most of the time.

ColdFeetAndHotCakes Wed 13-Jun-18 23:48:32

I'm incredibly house proud and clean, but recently had a lot on my plate for several months and I could barley get out of bed/eat/shower. It's better now but it made me realise what I was doing is not sustainable and if anything happened again I'm now in a position where I have less support and would not cope with keeping house.

I bought several glass frames for a few quid each from Wilko. One is for direct debits (rent bills phone etc.), one for daily/weekly/monthly chores etc. All the important shit is then easy to see and I use a whiteboard pen to cross off what's been done.

The other thing that really helped me was getting rid of the all clutter. Old kitchen stuff, clothes that were worn out or didn't fit. I donated, recycled and threw away all the crap and kept only what was absolutely necessary. I hate washing up so I will avoid it where possible, so I bought 2 really nice plates and got rid of all the others so now I either wash up or I can't eat. I also added a small box of cleaning stuff in each room, that way when something gets spilt or needs a wipe the cleaning shit is within reach and it gets cleaned up instantly.

MuckyMare Wed 13-Jun-18 23:48:57

I meed to wash my bedding. I keep meaning to but the day just goes and then im back in bed and its horrible.
The toilet needs cleaning
And the kids beddibg too

Bubba1234 Wed 13-Jun-18 23:50:03

I find by the time you do the “general tidy “
The day is gone for the deep clean.
The best thing for me lately is we moved house and we had way way too much clothes.
I’d start there. Get rid of ad much as you can if there is less stuff there is less messsmile

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