My DH has been a sod to our cleaner

[CircleofWillis]

My DH hates spending money. We have a large house split into two parts. There are studios and rehearsal rooms in the lower part of the house and we live in a flat at the top of the house.

We have a cleaner who cleans the two kitchens, two bathrooms, and a shower room, one cloakroom, two lounges, 3 flights of stairs and the associated hallways in four hours.

She has been with us for nearly three years and has been totally reliable and lovely. I only see her briefly on the day she comes as I have to speed off to work.

My husband sent her a message last night suggesting she come for half an hour less time each week. He made no mention of reducing her jobs but stated that we seem to be keeping the place cleaner in between visits and do not need her as much.

He did not speak to me about this beforehand.

I am the one who prepares for the cleaner, tidying up, washing up and making sure surfaces are clear. All my DH does is top up the cleaning supplies.

We originally got the cleaner as DH was not pulling his weight around the house. Also I went back to work full time. It is paid for by the rent from the lower house but that goes to DH’s account so he probably feels like he it is coming out of his own money.

I left an extra weeks wages for her as an xmas present and he removed it from her card stating he had already tipped her in her wage packet but wouldn’t tell me how much. Last week he asked her to do some extra jobs as she finished early. She was not happy as she had deliberately worked faster so that she could get to her next job in time.

I personally am fine with her doing this but my DH believes it showed she doesn’t need 4 hours hence the text to her last night.

She has written back to say the commute to ours is very long and she will drop our keys round.

I am so annoyed with my DH. There is no difference in how I prepare the house before she comes apart from the fact that he does a bit more tidying in the week so I do a bit less preparation.

She has been on time and reliably for nearly three years and I trust her around my daughter, all the studio equipment and our precious objects.

I have sent her a txt asking if she will stay with the previous arrangement. But I think my DH needs to send a message too.

[Chaosofcalm]

Good cleaners are in demand. Unless she really needs the money and is worried about getting another client then I would imagine she will just end the arrangement.

[walkingdowntheboulevard]

Your DH is a xxxx! Tell him the cleaning is now his responsibility and don't lift a finger, his prob,em let him sort. I doubt your cleaner will return tbh.

[Bluedoglead]

I don’t think she will come back because he’s been a total dick.

[Bluemugajug]

Jesus OP id be furious

And bollocks did he tip her in her wage packet!

[Quartz2208]

Yeah yo7 are married to an arse who clearly has no idea how to or how long it takes to clean a house

[tralaaa]

For the 1st time ever my mouth dropped open. Your H is horrible. He needs to apologise in person. If I was her I would fine another job to fill your space and not come back. She has the upper hand here. But for you I hope it works out, you need to tell your H you will manage her and he needs to keep his nose out.

[ATeardropExplodes]

I don't blame her. What a knobhead. For doing that AND not discussing it with you. Who does he think he is?

[fuzzywuzzy]

Have the rent go to your account and then organise a cleaner paid for from your account.

what are you DH’s good points?

[HouseworkIsAPain]

Your DH sounds controlling. Why does he keep the rent money? Why not have a joint account for the rent or does he not trust you? Surely cleaning is a business expense for the time she spends cleaning downstairs?

[Notasperfectasallothermners]

I would ask her about his so called tip! Call him out on being a total twat.
Have you not got a shed he can live in? Sounds like your lovely home is far too good for the likes of him....

[honeysucklejasmine]

Guess he's doing the cleaning from now on.

[Majuna]

Keep the cleaner.

LTB.

[Lweji]

Keep the cleaner.

LTB.

This. You'll probably have less work tidying up as well.

I'd ask him to show you how he can do her work to her standards in that time.

[tralaaa]

Majuna -- yes. Good call

[CircleofWillis]

Unfortunately we have to communicate by text as I can’t speak Polish and she does not feel confident speaking English over the phone.

I sent the following text this morning.

Hi X, this is Circle, DH’s wife. We have really valued all the work you have done for us over the past years. If you would like to stay we would really appreciate that but if you feel you would prefer to find work closer to home we understand. DH did not realise how much time it takes to clean a whole house which is why he suggested reducing your hours. I have now spoken to him about it and he understands that four hours is really the minimum time for all the jobs you do.
We would love for you to stay if you wish but if not I wish you good luck with a sad heart.
Best wishes,
Circle

[HandMsMonkey]

What a horrible thing to do.

I would give her a months wages as after years of working for you and doing all that in only 4 hours she deserves respect! And a sincere grovelling apology.

I doubt she will come back though so tell your awful husband to make new arrangements.

[Elllicam]

What Majuna said.

[mumonashoestring]

Wow. I hope his housework skills have picked up since you hired someone to pull his weight around the house, otherwise all that extra cleaning is going to be a right ballache for him.

If he's always this much of a self-centred, tightfisted shit I'd struggle to find anything attractive about him tbh.

[Callamia]

I think you’ve done all you can. Your message was kind, although you were a bit too kind on your husband...

He knows he’s going to be taking over as cleaner until you get a new one right? And that you won’t pay him.

[Butterymuffin]

That's infuriating. Tell him his cleaning responsibilities have just got a lot bigger.

[wowfudge]

If he doesn't understand what he has done, you need to sit him down and tell him how angry he has made you and explain why and tell him how he has made the cleaner feel. Ask him how he expects the cleaning to be done now and for his solutions to the problem he has created.

He sounds like a total wanker from your OP, and he needs a wake up call.

[SD1978]

Whilst he has been an arse- is she consistently doing less than 4 hours actual work so she can alway leave early to get to the next appointment? I can kinda see his point- although it should have been discussed with you first- if you’re paying her for 4 hours, but she isn’t providing 4 hours of work- why would you continue to pay her for time she isn’t actually doing the job? I would love to work less because I worked quicker but still be paid for my contracted hours but contracts don’t work that way surely?

[wowfudge]

X posted with you OP - have you spoken with him though?

[pinkginanyone]

That’s a big job in 4 hours & good cleaners are hard to find and in demand. TBH I don’t think your txt will help, I’d have really been asking to her stay rather than saying you understand she will leave. I’d actually suggest paying more, especially if her commute is lengthy.

As for your DH he has his head in the sand but I doubt he will change. LTB is thrown about on here like it’s nothing!!