How can I help my lovely sister sort out her "stuff problem" when she doesn't realise there is a problem?
She suffered from PND and depression, they've always had a lot of stuff, but it's got to the point now where family members have stopped visiting them as the environment is too stressful.
My DP and I went up there to help "sort the house out" but it was just so soul destroying. It was literally just us ferrying crap from one cupboard to another (think hundreds of games for redundant consoles, junk mail, mobile phones, etc). When we suggested starting a bin bag/charity bag there was always an excuse: "we need to go through that stuff later", "we might sell some so don't chuck it", we suggested we go through it now but no "need to ask DW first".
She is so sad with her life at the moment, but she can't see the problem. It's always "this house is too small, I hate it". But it's not, it's average sized with a very decent amount of built in storage, a huge loft, 15x15ft shed. Even so, every surface is littered with junk, they have toys literally piled to the ceiling, and you can't walk more than half a metre before tripping up on piles of stuff.
Last time we were there their whole bedroom (including bed, they were camping on the sofa I think) was waist deep in clothes, DVDs, books, outgrown baby products. I had to climb over it via the windowsill to get something from the wardrobe.
She's really delicate at the moment and feeling shitty about not being able to get anything done. But there's only so many ways I can put it to her gently. Her DW is not motivated in that way, but that's a whole separate issue that I acknowledge needs to be sorted long term. How can I help her in the short term?
I've suggested the following (she feels she has no time to get things in order because of the kids):
- Filling a bag a day for the tip and taking it out to the car.
- Take something upstairs that needs to go every time (and vice versa).
- Do one small thing to improve every room you go into (e.g. pick your laundry up, wipe a surface, pick up that toy you've tripped over 10 times).
She couldn't see it though, the same excuses came out about needing to run every item by her DW before chucking it, and I feel she is focusing too much on a big tidy up needing to be done before little improvements could happen.
The big tidy up is too overwhelming so it never happens. Besides, the loft is full, the cupboards are full, and the shed is full.
So maybe an intervention? She's not eating properly at the moment because of the stress (I think it's a combination of the kitchen surfaces all being full and table piled high with stuff, combined with feeling she needs to get on top of the house so gets in a flap trying to at least get the kids in order and forgets about herself) so I thought I could batch cook her favourite meals in 1 portion pots for the freezer. One less thing to get stressed/upset about. I just feel like she's so overwhelmed she's on the verge of breaking down.
I could also go up there and get on top of her laundry. But these are just short term fixes still
Help?