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Problem neighbours - really upset

(9 Posts)
sellotape12 Sun 18-Dec-16 17:56:06

We moved into a terraced house in October. It needs a fair bit of work because the previous owner left it in a bit of a state. But before we've even really begun, we're finding the neighbours on one side intrusive and a bit intimidating.

First it was about our new fence. This fence adjoins both properties, but legally is our problem and since it was broken we replaced it. We kept lines of communication open and went round to explain what we were doing.

Our fence builder says that three times a day for every day he was there, the neighbour next door would be out telling him he didn't like what he was doing, that he was a wanker, that he was a cowboy, he shouldn't be in the country etc. Horrid. He also advised that the neighbours had taken about 15cm of our boundary line, giving them a marginally larger garden (which is nkthing but concrete). We didn't have a problem with this. Choose your battles, right? The fencer did however, need to drill into about 2cm of their concrete to fix a post. They came round and gave us hell over this. My DH was very reasonable and said yes it's unfortunate that you've lost 2 cm square of concrete but does it really matter? We managed to placate him for that evening.

Anyway, it went on. The most ridiculous version of events was when the neighbour told us his cat was getting very scared because the cat isn't used to looking out of the window and seeing another house.

Now that the fence is fully up, the neighbour has played hell with my DH again saying he doesn't like the design. Tough! It's a contemporary slatted style, and the neighbour's complaining that there is no privacy and that he can see into my kitchen (not true).

Then there was the time that I was suffering a panic attack after getting out of the car. We parked up the road but the neighbour was at his doorstep staring at us. At one point he started to come over to ask what was going on. My DH explained that I was not well, but I would be fine. Since then, when I am leaving for work he sometimes comes to the door and stares at me when I'm crossing the street.

Where does it end? My husband is having to go over every week and talk him down at the moment. The neighbour's told us he could hear us arguing, he can hear us having sex, and he can hear our TV (likewise). 😞😢 Creeping me out.

We have to have some steel put up in our living room to support our ceiling, and this necessitates a party wall agreement. We are not doing anything big like an extension, but want to do everything above board. I'm scared that they will reject the party wall agreement and we will not be able to do any works in future, because they going to make life really difficult.

We have tried Christmas cards, a bottle of wine, apologies, fairness, calm and reasonable chat, we have tried speaking to his husband who is quite a different character. But I'm really worried that we're going to have 10 years of wars with an angry and irrational man who is a major curtain twitcher.

Any advice?

Notreallyhappy Mon 19-Dec-16 09:10:06

I wouldn't give him the time of day. He's acting like a spoilt child that needs attention. Ignore him.
If he comes round to complain about nothing, tell him fuck off and to phone the council.. if your so noisy, annoying etc.
As long as your not breaking the law he's just an annoying twat that should be ignored.

Notreallyhappy Mon 19-Dec-16 09:12:57

Our neighbour knew of every delivery or household items passing his door for 6 weeks when we moved in. He's a nosey twat as well but we got through 10 year's

Groovee Mon 19-Dec-16 09:13:03

I would start ignoring. If he realises he isn't getting a reaction he will get bored. It's not great when you have issues with neighbours but he sounds like someone who likes to throw his weight around x

INeedNewShoes Mon 19-Dec-16 09:15:44

I have to say that if I was replacing the fence between me and a neighbour I would check that they were happy with the height and design of the fence. Yes, you're paying for it but they have to look at it too.

Having said that, it sounds like he is the kind of person who thrives on grumpiness so even if you had consulted him he may well have been unhappy.

I would wait a while before you approach him about the party wall agreement if possible as at the moment it sounds like there's no way he'll cooperate.

pictish Mon 19-Dec-16 09:16:34

Completely ignore him. Stop with the cards, wine, pleasantries and apologies, which are feeding right into his sense of self importance and just make like he isn't there.

sellotape12 Mon 19-Dec-16 09:23:40

Yes you may be right. We are being too nice!

we didn't consult about the style of the fence because whatever we had chosen, he wouldn't have liked it. Given the reality of climate change we wanted something that would withstand strong winds, and this is aerodynamic. Anyway it's not about that!

Just worried that for any major life moments, he's going to be at the window, staring in.

His husband seems a lot more reasonable. When he was getting really angry the other day, his husband tried to calm him down. I wonder if it's worth getting the husband on the side and asking him to sort of control his dog...!

Sunshine59 Mon 19-Dec-16 09:24:08

I know exactly how you feel our neighbours are really intimidating, it doesn't matter what anyone says, ignore them etc, it's so hard to deal with, they are really rather obsessed with everything we do. Fortunately we are not joined into them and our other neighbours are lovely. Do your other neighbours have problems with them?

pictish Mon 19-Dec-16 10:37:20

No. This man is a adult and it's not his husband's responsibility to control him. Just look through him from now on.

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