Irrationally angry over tidying up(7 Posts)
I've been decluttering loads these last few weeks (after reading the kondo book) and I've been happy to do so. Except that it seems to be taking most of my time and energy.
At the same time, I've told the rest of the family that I want us all to tidy up before bed. But I don't see it as my sole responsibility to organise it, there's 2 adults here, and my DH is the tidiest anyway. But every evening I get told that we'll do it tomorrow. So I end up tidying up ridiculously late all by myself.
I've had enough. So from tomorrow I've put an alarm on so everyone has to do it then no matter what (and yes, I'll nag until it's second nature ). But it's also rather silly to get so angry, especially as I seem to be the only who wants the whole family to change our slobby ways!
Oh gosh OP I'm with you! I've been Kondo-ing too and it is soul destroying when you feel like you're getting on top of things and other people aren't on board. My DP is one of those 'blind to mess' people. He doesn't care about mess and only ever picks up after himself if I point it out.
My eldest dS is naturally quite tidy and he gets annoyed with the other DCs for not pulling their weight but TBH they all drive me up the wall, leaving shoes in the middle of the floor rather than in the shoe cupboard, empty packaging left out rather than binned.
I do struggle with keeping the place tidy, but I dream of a lovely clear calm space to live in. When others make a mess and don't think it's their responsibility I see it as a big Fuck You, as if my time isn't as valuable as theirs so why shouldn't I just clear up after them.
I think it takes a long time to penetrate their subconscious. After about 6 months my OH got on board and started decluttering his own stuff. Gradually we shopped for storage in cupboards as he could see the sense of putting the same thing in the same place.
However we Are a year in and the things that annoy me are, putting things next to storage solutions rather than in, or not using them at all. So the shoe box is under the stairs, but the shoes are around it not in it. His toothbrush and toothpaste left out every sodding night and morning even though we have a holder in the cupboard. I guess I still have a long road ahead.
Sos maybe your family don't want to pile their shoes up in a box? Then you have the clean tops of shoes touching the bottoms of shoes and have to rummage through to find the ones you want. Also- having to open a cupboard door to put away a toothbrush? Nope, I wouldn't want to do that either!
You say your DH is tidier than you normally. Did he agree with the new "nightly tidying" regime before it started? Maybe he doesn't think it's necessary to do it that way, or maybe he's just too knackered at the end of the day. I think it's fair to ask the family to be part of the effort to be more tidy, but not necessarily fair to unilaterally impose a new rule that this particular routine must be done at the same time every day, esp at a time when most people are tired. I also think you will find it easier to get the kids to comply if you and your DH are on the same page.
PatSajack both, he agreed to it and is exhausted. But it never gets done, as he leaves for work really early. So if I was to remind everyone it was time to tidy up (not declutter, just tidy up ) then he'd be happy to go with it. But he wouldn't instigate it.
Sosidges I drive my DH crazy with buying a storage solution, then realising it doesn't work for us. So far our shoes have been on a shoe rack, in boxes and finally in drawers. I find it really is about trial and error before finding what really works. We had an issue with losing scissors, so we tried a pen pot, a box and now a drawer. And I think we need to go through this process for everything!
feedme love your username !! Yes, it feels like a personal slight doesn't it? But in our case with the kids is that we haven't taught them any better so I want to rectify that. I've bought a timer and have been using it these last few days to motivate myself to tidy up for 15 minutes at night. It usually ends up being a good 30 minutes just to neaten the lounge, but at least I'm not starting the day with yesterday's mess (or even last week's one )
In our case there is Just the 2 0f us. Most of his shoes are in a wardrobe, but he had a habit of leaving his old trainers or dirty boots in the hall way. So I hid them out of sight under the stairs. The box holds a boy 4 pairs. What I I don't understand is how he can put them next to the box instead of in it. Our bathroom has always had personal things kept In cupboards. We have a tiny house and it just easier if every one puts their stuff away. I cannot bear to get in the shower with loads of stuff in it . He came with me to buy the new storage things and chose the toothbrush boxes himself. I think it is just a quick to put it in the cupboard as to leave it on the ledge where it drips and leaves a mess for me to clean.
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