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Remember remember through all of November the Fledglings will flutter and fly!

(372 Posts)
fuzzpig Sat 31-Oct-15 20:25:41

Halloween’s over, Christmas (sorry) is drawing near, but perhaps you have too much S.T.U.F.F. (Something That Undermines Family Fun) getting in the way. Or maybe you want to rid your house of C.H.A.O.S. (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome)? Have no fear, the Fledglings are here! We are all learning to get into a routine for maintaining the household, so we have more time for that thing called life.

This is where, from the first of the month (seriously, HOW is it November already?!), we follow – loosely – the rules of FlyLady. We ignore the somewhat barftastic language, and also thoroughly recommend NOT signing up to the emails… unless you want your inbox full to bursting.

Here’s some basic info on getting started – but don’t worry, all will be revealed on a daily basis (assuming I get the links right…) so just jump in.

There are 3 basic stages:

- Baby Steps – if you’re new, start here. Or if you’re coming back to us after a break (trust me, we’ve been there!) then these are good way to get back into it.

- Repeat Baby Steps + do 15 mins a day decluttering in the current room or 'zone' - yep, just 15 mins, it makes a difference!

or

- Reinforce Baby Steps + do Daily Missions - if you have finished decluttering (one day I’ll get to that stage… one day…).

There are also detailed cleaning guides if you’re really enthusiastic.

NB
This is a very long-running thread so we may appear cliquey but we really aren't! All newcomers, long-termers, lurkers and intermittent returnees not only welcome to join in but positively encouraged to do so!

Another NB
Start where you are. There is no need to worry about being perfect – perfectionism = paralysis! There is no such thing as ‘falling behind’ with FlyLady, if you miss anything, just move on and continue as normal the next day.

Any questions, don't hesitate to ask!

Good luck!

salixcaprea Sat 31-Oct-15 21:34:03

[Yes it's me SC, considered "seriously crap" as a nn, but re-considered!! grin ]

Fuzzpig thank you for shiny new thread! Tis very good of you to take on thread-running this month! thanks Great title and opening post btw!

fuzzpig Sat 31-Oct-15 22:53:17

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Links for Sunday 1st November!

Baby Step No.1: Shine your sink!

We are in Zone 1 this week: Entrance, Front Porch and Dining Room (November 1-7).

Declutter for 15 mins in Zone 1 if you want to.

If you are at this stage, the detailed cleaning list for Zone 1.

No mission, because it’s a Sunday. grin

Sunday's daily focus is: Renew your spirit!

The habit for November is: Menu Planning!

A summary of the above (which should update itself daily) can be found here in the Flightplan.

Happy Sunday, Fledglings!

(and many apologies if I’ve messed up the above)

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fuzzpig Sat 31-Oct-15 22:54:24

Hopefully that worked! Cool new name SC smile and thank you for doing the last month.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Sat 31-Oct-15 23:58:54

Thank you Fuzz and thank you SC for last month. flowers

CantSee4Looking Sun 01-Nov-15 02:11:09

Thanks SC for the last few months flowers thanks fuzzpig for the new shiny thread flowers

Well it is very much November and the fat fairy can shove her early night nonsense. Only just got in. Am actually early as I chicken out of the trip to the seaside as was starting to get tired (seaside is a 2hr drive from here) grin grin

Might just try to grab a few hours kip before figuring out wtf is going on wrt November how the actual flying fuck is it November already?! thlshock

Toffeewhirl Sun 01-Nov-15 07:45:40

Great opening, Fuzz. Thank you very much for taking over the thread running. thanks

And thanks too, SC, for your sterling work for the past two months. thanks

Fell asleep at 10.30 last night, but have been awake since 4.30. So annoying. Still, have a long 'to do' list today. Also DM is staying, so we will be going out somewhere this afternoon.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Dogsbumhair Sun 01-Nov-15 09:21:32

Thanks everyone for your lovely messages and the chicken wings were a particularly welcome offer! I realise however that I've confused people as understandably people have assumed that the hole is about Meerkitten and the exhaustion of having a new baby but in reality that hasn't been the main thing.

There was one issue directly due to Meerkitten which was the weight issue. Thankfully that has now been resolved. The health visitor accidentally upset me when I asked what could possibly be done about Meerkitten's weight as I can't force feed her and she refuses a bottle and the health visitor said that the final step is baby in hospital fed through a nasal tube, which freaked me out a bit.

In the end I decided I was sick of weekly weigh ins and chasing the bottom of the weight chart and so I asked if we could see a doctor so that she could say that Meerkitten is fine and just following her own line below the official chart.

Thankfully the health visitor seemed pleased about this approach, the doctor was great and said that I was being very sensible and said that she is fine and gave permission for me to drop to fortnightly weigh ins.

I then got to see a different health visitor this week who is clearly much more chilled and she said that you can see she is healthy as anything and said come back in a month. I felt like I'd been given a months holiday grin

I'm sure my regular health visitor will be freaked out but I don't care, I'm not going back for a month unless I get chased by her. So that was the only thing that was directly Meerkitten related and that was all fine. Sadly the day that she upset me was my birthday and it did rather take the edge off the day.

I'm going to post this and then try and pluck up my courage for the harder bits sad

Dogsbumhair Sun 01-Nov-15 09:35:28

One thing that has been harder to deal with is that ever since we had the amniocentesis (however you spell it!) and I found out that we were having a girl I found myself having to face up to my childhood and more specifically how I was treated by my mum in particular. I wouldn't say that I'd previously suppressed memories but it definitely made me have to face up to how bad things were and how important it is for me to protect Meerkitten from her. I think while I was pregnant I worried that I might turn out to have that nastiness in me unrecognised but I'm now sure that isn't the case.

However, this has left me in a difficult situation between wanting to allow my dad to have a relationship with his granddaughter and wanting to protect both me and Meerkitten from my mum. My dad's stroke rather brought this to a head as I started to realise that it was worse than I first thought and hence we decided to go down for a visit.

I also felt that I needed to tell DP just how badly my mum treated me because I needed him to understand how important it is to protect Meerkitten from her and to never allow her to be on her own with Meerkitten. However, I found both facing up to the level of emotional abuse that I suffered and vocalising it incredibly painful and difficult to do. Seeing how white DP turned when I spoke about what I could stand to talk about made me realise just how bad it was sad

However, we did the trip and it went ok and we stayed in a friend's flat about half an hours drive away so we had a bit of space. So it went about as well as it could have and was actually much less stressful than I was imagining. So I'm ok and in a funny kind of a way I actually feel better for it.

However, that isn't the bad shit.... oh god this is turning into a novel. Will post again and think about the bad shit bit...

NickNacks Sun 01-Nov-15 09:48:04

Just signing in quickly, will be back tonight for a proper catch up. Sorry to fly in and out again! smile

Dogsbumhair Sun 01-Nov-15 09:48:49

DP has returned from a walk with Meerkitten and so I think I'll have to sign off shortly.

In a nut shell the bad shit bit is a specific event that happened to me four years ago that was a really terrible thing to happen, one of those things that becomes the thing that people see you as before they see you as a person. Everyone around me fell apart in their own distress at what happened and I ended up just feeling like I couldn't see people who knew as they just made it worse for me and it was easier to be around people that didn't know.

Recently, since Meerkitten, I've tried to see some of those people again and immediately had the same problem. On my birthday a friend who knows what happened to me had invited me to a mum and baby group. Someone there that she knows started talking about a tragic event (very similar to what happened to me) and my friend's reaction (panic stricken looks from her to me) gave away my story and the woman then asked my friend directly if it had happened to me afterwards and my friend said yes. Found this out later (on my birthday).

I now feel like I can't return to this group as it is a very painful and personal thing and she is clearly a nosy parker (I'm not bitter honest!) Anyway, it just makes me feel like however hard I try I end up never being able to get out from under what happened, not because I can't manage my emotions, but because other people can't. It sends me nuts...

Sounds a bit silly written down when I haven't spelled out what happened but I hope you can get the idea. Sloping off to have some breakfast now as I'm feeling a bit emotionally spent.

I promise I am in a much better place now but I ended up having a crappy couple of weeks starting from my birthday... Oh well at least DP makes a good breakfast......

fuzzpig Sun 01-Nov-15 12:16:08

I have a thread leading question if I may? blush I'm just sorting out the links for the month as much as I can (since DH has taken the DCs out and I have some peace and quiet and it's better than doing actual housework hmm) but I'm a bit confused about the Zones. Do they always start on Sunday, and when we go into December will the first few days still be Zone 5? Or would you start on Zone 1 again straight away?

The dates I have are:
Zone 1 porch etc - Nov 1-7
Zone 2 - kitchen Nov 8-14
Zone 3 - bathroom + 1 more Nov 15-21
Zone 4 - boudoir Nov 22-28
Zone 5 - living room - is it Nov 29-30 or Nov 29-Dec 5 please? Or have I got it totally wrong grin

Oh Dogs. I had no idea you had been through so much. sad I wish I knew how to help. I will say, though, that I TOTALLY understand the fear of repeating the cycle. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and was abused (not so much the actual abuse that messed me up, but the lack of it being acknowledged and dealt with, IYSWIM). I was in a psych ward for several months in my teens. I'll be honest I rushed into having a baby with now-DH - I was 19 when we conceived - as I just wanted to move away from my troubled teen years if that makes sense? But it is scary because all I want to do is make things different for my children and sometimes I feel like I've messed it all up, because in many ways I'm not nearly as recovered as I thought I was.

I understand why you don't want to go back to the group. I wouldn't. There's no need to go - these baby groups are really not as essential as everyone makes out. I'm really sorry that everyone has just taken over what happened to you. I've known people like that in the past, emotional vampires I call them. To give people the benefit of the doubt I'd say that generally people don't know they are doing it, but only you know if that's true in your case. But either way it's not helping you heal. thanks

salixcaprea Sun 01-Nov-15 12:31:38

From what I have gathered Fuzzpig (although someone else please correct me if I am wrong) we always start back in Zone 1 on the 1st of the month. See here (although would have made more sense if Flylady had said "Zone 5 and Zone 1 usually happen in the same week instead of reversing the order, ifyswim! Hope that makes sense!

Btw, in a few days, the Flylady site will have sorted itself out, and the November zones will be showing under "current zone" instead of the October ones!

(I can normally find them in advance, but had a quite trawl through the site this morning and they are eluding me!) For a website about organisation, the Flylady site is a bit of a shambles in some areas but shouldn't be awful about it because overall system does make sense!

YOu sound very organised by the way [proffers sustaining brew ]

fuzzpig Sun 01-Nov-15 12:38:57

Hmm yes that does make it sound like on 1st Dec it'll be back to the porch etc for the remainder of that week. Although that means we only get 2 days in the living room this month! Eek. Thank you for explaining.

(and I may be attempting organisation in this thread but believe me it does not represent my usual self grin grin)

salixcaprea Sun 01-Nov-15 12:40:50

Dogsbum think you are very brave to have posted that. What an incredibly rough time you have been through and continue to go through. thanks

I think one of the most challenging things about having a child is that you see yourself and your childhood situation mirrored in them all the time and sometimes, at very surprising moments.

Reading your very sensitive, intelligent and eloquent posts, it is evident that you are, and will continue be, a great mum despite (and in some ways because of) the things that you dealt with in your past.

Great that you have taken control and managed to by-pass insensitive hv btw!

Will pm you but in the meantime, more thanks xx

salixcaprea Sun 01-Nov-15 12:46:37

grin Fuzzpig ditto here, all the links in a line, while in reality my house is in chaos!! grin Still, the chaos would be much, much worse if I didn't try to follow the system at least.

Yes, don't worry, sometimes we only get a two or three days in the sitting room. I know some fledglings find this strange but I think Flylady's logic is that it is usually the "most public" of rooms and therefore the one most likely to be naturally tidy not in our house!

Dogsbumhair Sun 01-Nov-15 13:09:26

Thanks Fuzzpig and SC sounds like you understand what I'm talking about. I'm currently breastfeeding and on phone so this will be brief but will respond more fully later when I can get on the laptop.

Can definitely relate to emotional vampire term. Ironically I don't really feel like I need any help, all I need is for people to manage their own anxiety and not make my problems about them. I just want to be treated normally and have my privacy respected, it doesn't seem like much to ask for to me!

Despite my fears before she was born I do actually think that I'm a very good mum. It sounds a bit boastful to say but I think I do the most important things well, which in my opinion are loving her to bits and responding to her needs so that she feels safe and loved smile

CantSee4Looking Sun 01-Nov-15 13:09:28

Dogsbum Hey the stuff with meerkitten is enough to have knocked most people for 6. the other stuff, yeah that is shit sorry can't candy coat it, it feels like I was lying to you and i'd prefer not
Why does someone knowing mean you can't go back? She might be understanding. It might be the place to start to stick two fingers up to the past. Strong in the face of it might get people to drop it and see you rather than event. Sorry it is so hard for you. There is no answer. sad

Shit has gone on here. Building work and stuff is having problems and ds will be having to take my room as his is unsafe atm. Not sure how I am going to get the spare room sorted so I can sleep there. I officially have really really bad burnout. Not eating, not sleeping, strong pain killers not working. And I am in the office extra days this week. ffs <sigh> Sods law.

CantSee4Looking Sun 01-Nov-15 13:26:35

Re lounge and fly lady logic - most public room = most likely to be the one which gets the 5min/15 mins decluttering and hot spot treatment thus less likely to be ignored.

Lounge = massive temporary storage room atm. We recently had great excitement when there was actually 1 place to sit to offer to a drop in guest. blushhmm

I am going to have to sort out laundry. Just realised not sorted out pe kit washing and swapping out of too small stuff. PLus school uniform is needed tomo, as is work clothes. Unfortunately machine is currently in use and will be for a bit. <sigh> It is all madness.

salixcaprea Sun 01-Nov-15 13:34:12

Aarrgh re: the "too small stuff" Can'tsee

Is anyone else overwhelmed by clothes atm?

It's partly because dd is growing like a weed and I am not keeping up with chucking out the outgrown items, partly because of the weather (we were sunbathing on our terrace this morning with coffee - on the 1st November!!! ) so still have summer and winter clothes around and winter and summer footwear; all over the place! Going to try and sort a bit today and finally put up some ruddy coat hooks!!

sorry you are feeling so burned out and painkillers not helping Cant'see x

Big waves to Nicknacks Toffee Whoknows and eveyrone else!

fuzzpig Sun 01-Nov-15 13:57:10

It sounds a bit boastful to say but I think I do the most important things well, which in my opinion are loving her to bits and responding to her needs so that she feels safe and loved

NOT AT ALL boastful lovely Dogs - that is what little ones need. Nothing wrong with celebrating what you are doing well for your lovely Meerkitten smile

salixcaprea Sun 01-Nov-15 14:01:02

Hear hear Fuzzpig!!

fuzzpig Sun 01-Nov-15 14:05:46

Shit, sorry you have burned out Cant sad I hate that feeling of the inevitable pain and exhaustion hitting. Ugh. thanks

Right that makes more sense now about the living room sometimes only having a few days. Ours is pretty horrendous but I suppose at least now that I have piano pupils it does get crisis cleaned and if I actually do the proper Flying (I WILL do some this month!) the hot spots etc should be better dealt with.

Speaking of actually doing Flying - today I did the Baby Step! For the first time since I came back to the Fledglings a couple of months ago. I have a shiny sink. It's not the kitchen sink though - to me, the bathroom one is both more necessary (as it always has random crap sitting in it and is always a mess) and also much easier to shine. I am not bothering with the kitchen sink because (a) washing up is entirely DH's domain (I can't stand long enough to do it as I get dizzy) and (b) the kitchen sink is one of those horrible beige plastic things that would never ever shine with a million years of elbow grease. angry

knittingwithnettles Sun 01-Nov-15 14:10:17

Dogs I'm beginning to realise that quite a few of mums struggle with past traumas (and present traumas for that matter - bullying expartners being a common example in my circle), for a while you feel like you have reinvented yourself and (in truth most people do re-invent themselves in the best sense, they CHANGE because becoming a parent is like a new life anyway - your children just need you to be the best you possibly can be) But despite people being frank with me, I absolutely understand the need for privacy and how your whole "new" life cannot be lived in the shadow of trauma (even whilst you acknowledge it to yourself and close friends) A close friend of mine had an alchoholic mother (now deceased), ths obviously affected her deeply. On surface she is a slightly over dramatic "coper" who works very hard both at home and WOHM and has 4 kids; it is like a terrible void for her grieving for her mother and the childhood she didn't have in some respects; she doesn't know what to refer to despite a lot of counselling. However, she IS an excellent mother - I think sometimes she just doesn't believe it can be possible. But it is. Shame on those mums for making you feel upset, even if they don't mean to. But as another poster said you will find kindred spirits, there are always other people who just happen to be mothers at the same time as you, who will be a support and a joy to be around. And you will be a support for them too.

Now out of my window is a beautiful scene of autumn leaves luminous tans and golds (magnolia leaves).

Otherwise, not much is happening blush Dh has measured up for the greenhouse 4ft3 by 4ft5.

Dd has returned from party looking slightly like she has witnessed Sodom and Gommorah falling. But has survived. Next time I've suggested she wears thermals as it was very cold, (parents banished teens to the garden shed). Convent girls giving the party hmm I think the problem on these occasions is not drugs or worse but just the availability of cider - and how do you give a party for 14-15 year olds without alcohol?Does anyone think it can be managed?

knittingwithnettles Sun 01-Nov-15 14:16:20

And now dh has decreed that ds1 needs a Proper phone. AAARGH. yes he does but as he naturally will not stop looking at his phone 24/7 how is this going to help his gsces?

Dh said that dd had one, and I said, but dd goes out all the time/goes to park, sews, researches homework and rings her friends up whereas ds is just going to lie in his room and scroll..

As if to prove this point the two boys are now shouting at each other over a computer game...Dh has refused to go for an outing. I can see yet another Time for a Swim situation emerging.

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