Hoarder's Skip is Here-Words of Comfort pls!(13 Posts)
NC for this.
My DH accuses me of being a hoarder. We don't merit a TV slot on 'Buried Alive!' but we definitely have too much stuff.
The skip is here and he is putting everything into it. I am feeling jittery but also excited at the prospect of having a tidier home. I am not fighting him or stopping him. I have to mind the baby and the skip is here for a finite time so he is being ruthless.
However, when I catch a glimpse of something going my instinct is to grab it back and keep it. Can anyone tell me some words of wisdom to keep me in check please?
I have to allow this. My marriage has been under strain, we, as a family, have been stressed and strained by this.
Thanks in advance.
Well done martin I'm not a hoarder but I live with one.
Well done for letting go. I'm really impressed.
I can understand how looking at it would make you want to grab it back. But think of how much of weight will be lifted when all the stuff is gone, how much easier your life will be.
Chances are that you will not miss or remember half the stuff going in a few months time.
I think I'd go out. I wish someone would do this for me! Try some therapy-through-Disney and sing "let it go" at the top of your lungs to remind you why you are doing it?
Yes Weasel, singing 'Let it go!'
There is an incredible amount of crap going into the skip! Where did it all fit? We live in a Joe Average semi-d which is a lovely home really.
When I watch the TLC or Channel 4 shows I can identify with some of the people on them. Bereavement played a big part in my not letting go. But the rubbish isn't part of my memories. Broken chairs and a table are nor part of my lost loved one.
I am crying now and don't know whether it is through release of stress or annoyance at myself for not being on top of things (also 'Send in the Clowns' playing on the radio isn't helping!)
You are doing brilliantly because you actually recognise the strains and you are allowing help. Not all hoarders will acknowledge the issues, let alone allow help.
Be kind to yourself and look at getting some counselling or better yet CBT via your gp. There are also self help manuals on CBT/hoarding with written and practical exercises.
You are doing fantastically. All the best.
It's stuff. Stuff is not important. Once it is gone you will feel able to breathe again.
Let your DH so it, stay out of the way, go out even.
Your doing well. Does your husband know you feel like this?
My DH is quite the hoarder I got a skip once because there just wasn't any space left. He went through it after pulling things out, when you're not a hoarder it's hard to understand this reaction.
I recently got another skip and all the stuff he pulled out and was them just stored in the back garden has now gone.
For memories get yourself a nice box and keep them in that, and if things don't fit into it and haven't been of use for a year then they are of no use.
Stay strong now though. The crying is just a release of emotion, it's got to go somewhere.
Just wanted to say well done really. I don't have any wise words but I think you are really brave to address and tackle your issues with hoarding tendencies.
Could you see if there are any items in the room where you are watching the baby that you could put into a pile to be added to the skip. Even if it's just a few magazines or an ornament that you don't like. Your husband would appreciate the gesture and every little helps.
Try to see it if you can that you are not "losing" things but that you are "gaining ' space to live happily in.
I do actually feel a bit lighter already. I have been saying "Let's throw this" and whoosh DH has dumped it before the doubt creeps in
Thank you Moln a nice memory box would do the trick.
People who know me wouldn't realise that we are struggling. I keep the kitchen and bathroom surfaces immaculate but God help you if you open a cupboard or press, stuff will fall out and hit you on the head! Also, visitors don't go near the bedrooms for similar reasons.
DSis bought me the Kondo book for Christmas. I tried reading it but when she stroked her wallet and thanked it for serving her before putting it away I was a bit tbh. I might pick it back up again though because I have a problem with clothing (organisation, sizes varying because of getting older / having DC's etc).
Organisation has never been one of my strong points and neither has speed. It can take me all day to get through a few little tasks which friends would speed through.
Thank you for your lovely words of support.
Woohoo! Well done you!
Think it would be a great idea to try the kondo book again. Do you feel lighter at all? I love the feeling of clarity and space having fewer possessions brings.
Thanks woowoo22. I keep walking into one of the
junk storage bedrooms and the sense of space is incredible! Also the back garden is like a blank canvas again.
I will definitely read Marie Kondo's book and take nuggets of wisdom from it that I can put to good use.
To be able to receive visitors and for the DC's friends to come around without notice would be the icing on the cake!
I said to DH that we should get a skip every second or third year from now on so we don't get overwhelmed again. We are big on recycling and charity too. My main 'letting go' problem relates to toys and baby clothes / paraphernalia, my clothes and dealing with paper.
When I moved in with DH I had two rucksacks and a suit carrier which contained my worldly possessions (besides some books left at DM's)
How times have changed
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