RainyDays i forgot to add please dont feel like the worst mother or wife. Or a failure. We all slip up at times. Main thing is you want to do something about it. Thats a start.
How old is dc? Does dc sleep well at night? If your quite exhausted from sleepless nights, i would say look after yourself first. When you feel good, the rest will be easier to tackle.
If you feel your home needs a complete clear out, do you think you could get a cleaner to get you started? You and dh (perhaps with help from parents or friends) could declutter everything. Then you could create a list of stuff you want to keep on top of e.g the cleaning, decluttering, cooking.
I do like lists. As sad as this may sound but i do have a list. Hope it helps you...
Mondays: dust vacuum top to bottom (that means starting from the attic bedroom and doing 2 flights of stairs ). DD1 age 2, helps me by walking around with her very own duster
Tues: no housework other than a quick whizz over the 2 bathrooms (10mins literally). Then take dd to playgroup that she loves
Wed: vacuum downstairs only, and i alternate between giving the kitchen a good clean or doing the ironing every other wednesday.
Thurs: no housework! Take dd to playgroup
Fri: vacuum and mop downstairs. Clean both bathrooms.
Sat & sun: no housework. Dh is home so wkends are family days.
I have a rule that the house chore must not take longer than an hour. I time myself! When dd has her lunch i get the laundry out to dry, and cook the main meal of the day, so I'm not late in feeding everyone or too tired to cook it at the end of the day. I dont like cooking so i want it over and done with as quick as possible. I used to precook and freeze but i found bulk cooking made me more tired. But i would still recommend it if you have the energy.
I do food shopping online, delivery comes every wednesday night. I did a big clear out of my kitchen cupboards few weeks ago, realised how much money was wasted on unused out of date food. Now i dont overbuy. OP i would just wake up one morning and tackle that kitchen. You'll feel great. Its quite therapeutic.
Oh also, i have 2 paying students living with me so i do their laundry, clean their rooms, and cook enough for them too. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage when baby3 arrives.
I feel another list coming along...
Like you OP, i know i would start to feel down, hence why i have a routine and almost dont think about it, i just do it. The music really helps!
I hope I've helped/inspired you.