Division of household responsibilities?(11 Posts)
Decided to put this in 'household' rather than 'feminism'!
Just wondered how, or even if, other people divide up the household responsibility for the running of the ship? DH works, very long hours, and I have been off on maternity leave and am about to return to work part time. After a weekend debate about fixing the stair gate (personally, a daddy job, although soothing the baby's tears after he inevitably falls down the stairs without it is surely mummy's domain....), I wonder if it is unreasonable to expect DH to be at least partly responsible for a few areas of household stuff. Changing lightbulbs, checking smoke alarm battery, cleaning the kitchen bin, anything involving a drill?). I never thought I would be the one to allocate mum jobs and dad jobs, and I actually like housework, but it's getting ridiculous. We have a very happy marriage and a comfortable life, so is it unreasonable to request a little support with this stuff when he works all day to pay the bills? What do other people's DH see as 'their jobs'?
My ex and I did jobs we were most happy to do. So I did vacuuming and he did the majority of the dishes. I did laundry but he ironed. Would divvying the jobs up like that work for you?
I where your coming from I'm 23wks pg and we have a 3.5 yr old. I work full time and so does DP.
We tend to do who ever cooks the other does the dishes. I do the laundry (wash, dry, iron and put away). He hoovers and mops all the floors. He drops DD off at nursery and picks her up (nursery on the same block as his work) I then do most of the other cleaning. We both moved out of childhood homes at the same time (just 4yrs ago) so neither of us knew how much work running a house was, that's why we have always shared.
I think you should at least voice your options and how you feel, then try to come to some sort of agreement.
Oh I do all DIY as DP is useless
it's more about spotting that something needs doing it and doing it. I.e. if the bin needs emptying, do it without prompting. If a lightbulb goes, change it. Keep a shopping list and if something is running low, whoever notices puts it on the list.
Just talk to him, he doesn't know if you don't tell him. Men are stupid like that
The only jobs that DH doesn't do are washing (my choice too many disasters) and anything that needs sewing, the only ones I don't do are things involving brute strength.
DH works mega long hours. I do more than him because I'm home, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cook or run the Hoover around when he's here.
My dh also works long hours (I am a sahm) but he does some domestic stuff too. So yes, I do think it's fair to expect them to do something. I did wince every so slightly at your reference to daddy jobs and mummy jobs though! We split tasks by competence and convenience here - I obviously do the lion's share.
You're right specialsubject, I suppose it is to do with actually noticing and then doing, rather than just having set jobs. I think I need a very elaborate star chart......
Dp does the bins, anything requiring strength and power tools really. We also share the cooking though at the moment he does the majority of washing up as I seem to be constantly bf our newborn. I do the cleaning of the bathroom, hoovering - though dp will do this if I ask when I'm out or something, and all the laundry as I don't iron and don't see the point but consider it on the occasion dp does the laundry.
is it not noticing things doing or actualy doing then that is the issue? sounds like he didn't do the stair gate even when it was pointed out. I think the general principal to aim for is you both to have the same amount of leisure time - so if you work less hours out of the hours then clearly you do much of the in house work -but I think of course your DH should do some things. Also to be fair it might be if he is not in the house as much as you he might not know what is needed.
Also does he look after your DC when needed? eg if you go out for an evening? Or just want a break?
It's not so much that either party has set jobs but rather we are both better at doing different things. Personally I like cooking, it's not a 'woman's thing', but rather I like doing it, DH doesn't, so I usually do it. Mind you when I was pregnant and couldn't look at food DH cooked everything.
Generally DH is better at outdoor type things and anything that requires brute force
and ignorance. I am better at things that require finesse. Everything else is done as and when needed by whomever feels the need. DH works full time and I work part time, we both work hard and we both are responsible for the running of the house.
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