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Is it my duty to iron shirts?

(67 Posts)
BoyMeetsWorld Sat 12-Jan-13 09:28:35

Didn't want to post this in feminism as I'm genuinely not sure either way.

DH believes I should iron all his work shirts (5 per week). Currently I do all the washing but don't iron anything - I use the 'cupboard dry' setting on our washer, DC & my stuff never really creases & if it does I iron at the time we want to wear it. DH's shirts are the only issue.

Now...I work full time, am paid very nearly the same as DH. As mentioned I do all the washing & a lot of the housework (although he does the majority of cooking as he's simply better than me & most of the driving). In general, we split chores pretty well. This is the one bugbear.

Is it really my duty to iron his shirts weekly, or should he do it himself?

tribpot Sat 12-Jan-13 15:47:27

Since he does all the cooking, OP, this is the equivalent of you saying "it's not enough to get dinner on the table every night, I want <insert time consuming recipe here> AT LEAST once a week and I reserve the right to snipe about it if you don't do it'. Would that be reasonable? No. There is a minimum 'level of service' that a chore-doer needs to fulfil (i.e. if you do the cooking, there needs to be food of reasonably good quality and variation, if you do the washing, it needs to be done so the clothes are reasonably wearable and available) but premium service comes with a premium price tag!

Whilst his expectations need to be appropriately adjusted (let him send the bloody things out to an ironing service) the attitude problem needs looking at as well.

13Iggis Sat 12-Jan-13 16:06:25

I don't think this is a "silly niggle" OP, if he honestly told a full-time-working partner that something was her duty.

Primrose123 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:16:43

I would say, if you work full-time, it's definitely not your duty. He doesn't iron your workwear does he?

If you didn't work outside the home, and didn't have a huge number of children to care for, it would be nice to iron them for him, if you had time. It would still not be your 'duty' though.

Primrose123 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:20:58

I've just thought, if he wears a suit all day and doesn't take off his jacket, he could just iron the collar and the front! Saves lots of time! (No point ironing the rest anyway, it only gets creased when worn) grin

SparkleSoiree Sat 12-Jan-13 16:23:25

Dh generally sorts his own clothing and ironing out.

DUTY is not a word that exists in relationships, really - is it? Or is it me? Responsibility maybe in relation to children etc, but duty??

LadyIsabellaWrotham Sat 12-Jan-13 16:26:18

I agree with Dontmind - the lurking trap here is "No it's not my bloody job to iron your shirts so I will gather them all up and deliver them to the ironing service, collect them, and make sure you have enough clean ironed ones each week, and if you don't have the right shirt it is My Fault"

Obviously if the ironing service (that he has found and researched) is on your way to work but not his then there might be a compromise to be had, but the principle that he should be able to get himself dressed in the morning without sounding like Kevin the Teenager is an important one.

Not not your duty shock

DH and I both work so we share the chores equally. Sometimes I iron, sometimes she does.


twofingerstoGideon Sat 12-Jan-13 16:44:04

Didn't want to post this in feminism as I'm genuinely not sure either way.

Oh, go on... please post this in feminism...

Rhienne Sat 12-Jan-13 16:59:14

Nope. DH irons his own shirts. And if the DC have anything they need ironed in the future, he'll be doing that too!

It is one thing that keeps MIL occupied when she comes to visit though, ironing everything in his wardrobe.

He was impressed when I showed him that if you hang dry the shirts on a hanger, they are much less creased to start with.

AdoraBell Sat 12-Jan-13 19:19:34

It would only be your duty if it were stated as such in your contract of employment.

expatinscotland Sat 12-Jan-13 19:25:56

'In his defence, he's never used the term "duty" (that's just what it comes down to) & hadn't told me I HAVE to do them, just constantly makes little snipey remarks about it. As I said, in all other ways we share everything pretty equally.'

Then tell him you're fed up of his PA bullshit, won't put up with it and next time he does it, leave the room. 'I'm not ironing your shirts. At all. Ever. Deal with it.'

BoffinMum Sat 12-Jan-13 22:29:45

He is BU

If he wants them ironed, and is not prepared to do them himself, he should take them to a dry cleaner each week and avail of their shirt service.

Unless he is happy to hand wash all your lingerie for you, etc, and it's a swap of labour, of course. wink

rumtumtugger Sun 13-Jan-13 12:28:31

Do what I do - iron them so badly that he never asks again grin

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Jan-13 12:31:45

I Don't Iron. I never have been keen, ever since having to iron my own shirts for school because Mum wasn't keen either.
DH has always known this, so it was no surprise to him that I wasn't willing to take on ironing his work shirts (he doesn't need one every day, depends on which customer he's seeing).
I do all the laundry, I hang his shirts on hangers so much of the creasing falls out - it's then down to him whether or not he wants to iron it. smile

NewYearNewTown Sun 13-Jan-13 13:29:24

I do the ironing and always have, even when we both worked full time (am currently a SAHM). However, that is very much in return for never dealing with some of my least favourite jobs - like anything involving bugs or pests. Currently it means not dealing with builders as we try and do up the house!

No, it isn't your duty. But you don't have to share all jobs equally - sometimes it's great to share out the most hated jobs to those who hate them least.

StraightTalkinSheila Sun 13-Jan-13 13:44:49

The only duty you have is to yourself to tell him to fuck off and iron his own shirts. Sorted.

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