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where do i start

(104 Posts)
jesstheworstmum Mon 07-Jan-13 09:22:51

i just need to get this all out. i need to know where to start.
im a single mum and im in a mess. especially in my house
so much so that when i had to have a paramedic in my house recently they reported me to social services cos my house is a tip sad((
social services just wrote me a letter telling me to get family to help but i dont have any family local
i had a poor upbringing and i just feel like i dont know how to run a house
this morning my son was late for school cos i hadnt dried his clothes in time and i had no dishes clean etc
i know im awful
but where do i start
can anyone help ?

jesstheworstmum Sat 09-Mar-13 12:33:03

ss are closing the case as ive made a start on the mess and my boy is happy and healthy

LemonBreeland Mon 11-Mar-13 14:57:15

Just come across your thread Jess. I'm shocked that ss have offered so little help. An acquaintance of mine had a shocking house and ss helped clean and tidy and even got a skip for them.

I'm glad things are going better for you and that ss are leaving you and your son alone.

Do you need any more help in keeping going?

jesstheworstmum Mon 11-Mar-13 18:16:28

I would love any support help or kicks up the butts anyone can give smile the social worker told me they used to have a Christian group that helped and would come in and blitz the place for you but they no longer do and I asked about financial help to get a skip too but they didn't think that would be possible sad( useless
Seems like they just wanna come and point out the problems not help with solutions !

BiBiBroccoli Mon 11-Mar-13 18:25:08

Whereabouts do you live Jess? If you told us the general area maybe there is a local mumsnetter who might be able to come and give you a hand?

SlatternismyMiddlename Mon 11-Mar-13 19:42:39

Glad things are looking better for you Jess. If you keep coming back here you will get support and butt kicking

jesstheworstmum Mon 11-Mar-13 21:21:20

Thanks guys I live in Berkshire

LemonBreeland Tue 12-Mar-13 20:26:17

jess have you tried writing lists of things to do each day and cross them off as they get done. It doesn't have to be big things, or even many things.

I write lists like below

wash dishes
put washing on
tumble drying
vaccuum living room
sweep kitchen floor

These are typical examples for me of everyday things that need doing and it helps me keep on top of things.

jesstheworstmum Thu 14-Mar-13 13:47:29

I sometimes try to write lists but I often abandon them halfway thru or forget to look at them !!

cakesaregood Thu 14-Mar-13 14:01:52

Hi Jess,

You're making a good start by asking for help.

Mumsnet has changed my housekeeping by miles. Little and often, and something is better than nothing...

Lol at lists. I always lose them, or am scared that someone will laugh at them. Actually I've started writing lists for the dcs, they love ticking things off. Also they know how much mummy is trying to do while they are whinging at me.

Keep going...

goodjambadjar Thu 14-Mar-13 14:02:55

Hi Jess.
I've been reading your posts and you're doing so well to stick with it. keep up the good work. You are obviously a good mum because you want the best for your son. It can be so hard to get started. I've found working around a room clockwise is really helpful. Why don't you let us know what you've got done today. if you list it, it might make you feel better?

cakesaregood Thu 14-Mar-13 14:03:25

And a skip is way too scary... Just pick three things and put them straight in the bin.

(If three is too much, just go for one item.)

jesstheworstmum Thu 14-Mar-13 14:07:40

That three items is a good idea and thanks to everyone for being so kind
Back from work early today and have washed up and put a wash in smile

goodjambadjar Thu 14-Mar-13 14:09:57

Well done!

Anything else on the agenda?

jesstheworstmum Thu 14-Mar-13 14:19:29

Just got the one wash out and hung it and put a new one in smile
I'm also really shit at general organising remembering to take stuff with me places give my son stuf for school an remember to do stuff like petrol for the car etc sad

racingheart Thu 14-Mar-13 14:28:50

Hi Jess,

I have a morning routine, an after school one and a bedtime one that helps get the day run smoothly.

Get up and dressed at 7am.
Put a wash load on straightaway. This is a wash load of clothes needed for the next day, not the same day.
Feed any animals and make a cup of tea or coffee for yourself.
Get breakfast and packed lunches ready. Put away all food you use as soon as you have finished with it.
Then get DC up. Get them dressed and feed them.
Get school bags ready and get food out of freezer for dinner that night.

School run. Don't hang around and gossip - you lose momentum. You can do that when things are in better order.

Come home and turn the radio on or put your favourite music on. Sort breakfast dishes straightaway - wash dishes and put away, wipe kitchen surfaces. (If you work, then do this before you leave the house. Keep breakfast really simple: one bowl of cereal and juice each or toast and milk each, so there's not lots to prepare.)

The laundry wash should be ready by now, so hang it up to dry. If your radiators are already covered in clothes, then sweep them all up in wash basket or pile them on the sofa, hang up the wet stuff and then straightaway fold the dry stuff, sorting it as you fold it, into piles of what belongs to who.
By then it's about 10 am.

Have a break now and do what you like until after school.

Have another routine set up when they get back from school.
Empty school bags and clean out packed lunch boxes. Give DC a snack at table, not on the way home. This is a sneaky way to get them to sit down and remember stuff they need to tell you, so you avoid them saying, 'Oh it's assembly today and I need to be a dinosaur - are you coming?' as you walk out the door in the morning. grin

Get DC to hang up their coats, put shoes away and give them that pile of laundry you sorted this morning, so they start to take responsibility for putting their own clean stuff away. Tell them to put it in their room.
Most DC want some screen time or time out to play with friends straight after school. I use that time to cook tea.

While it's cooking have a 5 minute tidy of all main surfaces and a 5-10 minute hoover.

Keep tea simple so there aren't lots of pans, and clear it up straight away afterwards.

Then final routine is bedtime. Get DC in bath and clean bathroom while they're in there. Wipe surfaces, polish mirror and taps, chuck out old shampoo bottles etc, quick scrub of loo (flylady tip - much nicer to clean loo for 10 seconds every day than to have to really clean it after weeks of neglect!)

After bath, get them to tidy rooms for 5 mins, no more. Just ask them to do one job for now. E.g. please put all your clothes in the wash basket or all your toys in the toy basket - that way they know what to do, and when 5 mins is up, praise the effort and leave it there. 5 mins a day will get it sorted in the end.

Once they are in bed, stick another wash on, then watch tv or have a bath while its on. Hang it up to dry before bed. When TV is on, jump up every time the ads come on and tidy up until they end. It's only a couple of minutes at a time, but if you just tidy one surface or clear up one set of things, it's like magic.

If you do this every day, your house will be straight in no time and you still have the day to your self to do other stuff.

goodjambadjar Thu 14-Mar-13 14:46:06

racing, that sounds like a great strategy you've got there! I like the snack at table idea to get info!

Jess, have you got enough storage solutions? like a flexitub for DSs toys? its amazing the difference it has made to my living room, being able to chuck DDs crap toys in a big bucket in the corner!

racingheart Thu 14-Mar-13 15:56:50

Thanks goodjam. I am born disorganised, and like the OP come from a home that was very untidy, so I didn't learn organisation from my mum. Everything I know is picked up from or adapted from Flylady. I like her because she understands disorganised people. We need different strategies from the ones that domestic goddesses use. If I don't do exactly the same thing each day i'll forget and not do it at all.
OP, it's understandable that you are desperate for help, but get started. You'll feel; fantastic if you do it all yourself.
Fill a bag of rubbish a day and just put it outside. Or fill a bag with old stuff and take it to a charity shop near work. One a day if you can. You'll soon see the difference.

goodjambadjar Thu 14-Mar-13 16:16:20

I agree, a good declutter does wonders for making you feel better. the best tip I can give you is BE RUTHLESS! Was it fly lady that says 3 bags:1 for keeping, 1 for chucking and 1 for charity?

jesstheworstmum Thu 14-Mar-13 19:01:33

I have one small wheelie bin for two weeks landfill so it really hampers my decluttering !!

goodjambadjar Thu 14-Mar-13 19:09:26

Do you drive? is there a tip near you?
or can you ring the council and see if they'll do a collection?
or ask your neighbours if they have room in their bins for some of your stuff?

jesstheworstmum Thu 14-Mar-13 19:53:32

Yeah I need to stop being lazy and going to the tip sad

goodjambadjar Thu 14-Mar-13 20:02:22

Not lazy sweetie, just overwhelmed. It's understandable. You don't need to perform miracles.
Why not make it your goal to fill at least 3 bags for the dump by next week. When you have a chance next week, take them to the dump. They normally have clothes and shoes banks there so that saves you a trip to the charity shop!
What do you think is the worst room in your house? The one that you feel needs the most work, the one that frustrates you because it doesn't seem possible.
and which is the best, that needs the least work?

cakesaregood Thu 14-Mar-13 21:37:01

Clothes banks are excellent - they recycle rags as well as 'good stuff' and there's noone there to judge your waste!

And they're open 24/7. No early closing etc etc

jesstheworstmum Fri 15-Mar-13 17:10:30

Y'all are just so kind smile

goodjambadjar Fri 15-Mar-13 18:53:47

I think you might want to change your username. You're not the worst mum. Maybe just a bit lost at the moment, but it's not impossible to get sorted.
How have you been?

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