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Laundrette or not? Drowning in clothes!!

(13 Posts)
MummasBrainsBust Sat 13-Oct-12 10:16:25

Hi Ladies, V nervous about posting. Please be nice? blush
Ok down to the nitty gritty...
I have a huge issue with clothes in my home, I'm a SAHM with Multiple Sclerosis, my biggest daily issues are fatigue, pain and brain fog, there are loads others but wont bore you with those wink
I have a 6 yo DD who is my world, lovely weekend visiting DSS (14) and a DH who works (a lot) and drinks (a lot) and does not a lot else.
I have been trying for a long time to get on top of the clothes situation in the house but by the time they have been washed, dried, folded and taken to the relevant room/s I am either too fatigued to carry on or something else needs doing & I forget, then..
DD tries it all on & throws it everywhere (dog lies on it) DH gets in to bed & flings it on the floor with his v dirty work clothes (dog lies on it or he stands on it) DSS chucks it behind his bed or on the floor & I end up rummaging in the piles the next day to see what is salvageable (not much) and have a mahoosive pile again!angry
Despite months maybe years of asking for help of DH I am still in this situation (empty wardrobes & huge washing pile)
Should I take it all to the Laundrette? I'm thinking they have Huge washing machines & driers therefore cutting down my time & effort leaving more for the putting away?

Any ideas of how to tackle this would be hugely appreciated thanks

colditz Sat 13-Oct-12 10:31:30

A) your dss is old enough to be entirely responsible for his own clothing, show him how to use the washing machine and leave him to it
B)your daughter is old enough to be told not to leave clothes all over the floor for the dog to lie on, and to pick up her own dirty clothes and put them in the washing. My six year old is made to do this.
C) your husband is not a toddler, nor indeed a child, and you are not responsible for his dirty clothes. Bag them up and give him forty eight hours to wash and dry them, or you're going to put them outside for the bin men. And then. DO IT!

I bet you hardly have any dirty washing yourself. Do not look at this as not helping your children, you are teaching them life skills. It really isn't on for a child over three to be leaving clothes all over the floor.

Hopeforever Sat 13-Oct-12 10:35:39

Really feel for you, you need to get the help you are entitled to.

Do you get DLA or carers allowance? If not, you should ask your MS nurse or support group to help you with the forms, it is important you fill it out as for your worst day and its hard to do with brain fog.

Secondly, cut your work at home into bite sized chunks, resting every 10 to 20 minutes, stop before you get too tired.

Then you need to stop doing more than you are capable of, don't do your husbands washing, only yours and DD's. if necessary limit how many clothes she has so that the pile on her floor doesn't get too big.

Would she respond well to a reward system for caring for her own clothes once they are clean?

It's not your fault you have MS, so don't let the family make you feel bad for making them more responsible.

CaptainHoratioWragge Sat 13-Oct-12 10:46:05

Yes, I would take everything to the laundrette that wasn't nailed down, and ask the staff for a service wash, they have loads of huge machines so can do the lot for you in a couple of hours no matter how many bags.

It also doesn't actually cost that much (my washing machine has broken so i'm doing a once a week trip there at the moment) and 2 lots of sheets, 2 lots of towels and 2 adults clothes for a week only cost £14.00- (i take my own detergent, though)

While you are waiting take yourself out for a nice cup of tea and cake and magazine.

Once you collect it, put it in the relevant rooms so that each person can put away their own clothes.

I would then call a family meeting, point out to them how unhappy and overwhelmed this has left you feeling, how your requests for help have been ignored, and tell them that from now on any clothes left on the floor will be thrown away, write it down during the meeting and stick it to the fridge etc.... and i'm afraid if you want it to work you will have to be strong and stick to your guns, which might mean an uncomfortable few days until the message gets through that you won't back down.

I'm sure other posters might know more about carer allowances, etc, it sounds partly like you need more help than you are getting, and partly like your family are treating you like a maid, which you need to stop for your own sanity!

sooperdooper Sat 13-Oct-12 11:00:12

I agree with everything CaptainHorratio says - get everything to the laundrette, ask them for a service wash and you'll get it back all dry and folded and it'll make you feel so much better to have it all done

Then, once you're all on top of it, tell everyone as she says that they all need to do their bit to help keep ontop of it all, they all need to be responsible for their part in this, it shouldn't all fall on to you to do

MummasBrainsBust Sat 13-Oct-12 11:14:59

Aww, thank you blush I do constantly feel guilty about what I am not able to do. Was quite active and decently paid untill 2 yrs ago, I was made redundant and am not 'fit' for work any more sad.
The expectation is that I should be able to run the house perfectly as I look ok
I have applied for my DLA to be reviewed every year for the past 3, I currently get the low rate care which goes toward paying the bills as the loss of my earnings left us with huge debts. I lost it completely last year as they sent someone to see me - stupidly I was proud & took my full & more dose of pain meds and put on my I can cope face as he was asking about how I care for my daughter (I only have her & am not allowed any more babies cause of the possible effect on the MS) I got it back after appeal.
The cheeky F***er also put in his report that my condition was unlikely to vary or change in the the future! clear evidence he had no clue about MS as one day I'm just a little 'limpy' and the next crawling up the stairs!!

I am thinking of applying again but not holding out much hope.

Sorry this is turning in to a convo not related to laundrettes or clothes at all! You have all been lovely, think I may post later about related 'issues' on another thread when my household is asleep (Insomia is another symptomsmile)

sooperdooper Sat 13-Oct-12 12:43:53

You should definitely apply again smile the man was clearly a moron to write that about your MS!

Hope things feel better without the clothes mountain x

tribpot Sat 13-Oct-12 13:14:29

You should definitely apply again, and get some help to do so. The forms are very intimidating and the odds are intentionally stacked against you. But I got brilliant help from Carers UK when I first did my DH's.

On the matter of the laundry - it is simply too physically exerting for you. My DH is similar, although also in a wheelchair, so can hang the washing up on the airer but can't fetch it from the various laundry baskets or put it in the machine, really. He also can't hang it on the line for the same reason.

First off - definitely invest in a few good service washes at your local laundrette. Mine is fantastic - the guys who run it fold everything so neatly that nothing needs ironing (that I am an ironing fanatic anyway). Don't send anything that might shrink in a drier but everything else, take it down there - or tell your DH to - and let them sort it out. It still needs putting away, which is enough of a chore for a family of 3 and weekend DSS.

After that, one of my tricks is never to start another wash til the last one is put away. Practically this means doing small washes nearly every day - yes, there's a cost in terms of electricity but it keeps me from drowning in laundry so it's a compromise I am willing to make.

Finally, you do need to assert some authority over this situation. If your dd tries stuff on and the dog rolls on it - tough. It gets a brush off and she puts it back in the cupboard. Otherwise there's no incentive for her to learn to hang things back up herself. DSS is more than old enough to be sorting his laundry out properly; obviously you don't want to piss his mum off completely by sending him home with dirty clothes every week (having flashbacks now to the 'laundry wars' that ensued between my mum, my step-mum and my step-dad's ex-wife on a regular basis during my childhood!) but he can certainly be putting his stuff in the machine when he is asked. And hanging it up, for that matter.

Your DH is showing you disrespect by not putting his stuff in the basket. And by refusing to help you sort this situation out. He may not mean to but nevertheless, it is so. He needs the biggest kick up the arse - children can't help being messy but adults can.

RandomMess Sat 13-Oct-12 13:23:26

OMG their attitudes are appalling!!!

I wash clothes, either Dh or I hang clothes straight onto hangers to dry and out on the line or dining room curtain rail. Pants socks etc either on the line or tumble dry. When clothes are dry dc are responsible for helping to sort out washing into piles and they then go and put it all a while other wise a fate worse than death befalls them.

I only wash what is in the dirty laundary basket.

The other key point to make is ensure they don't have too many clothes, honestly have the bare minimum that they need - it does help with them putting them in the wash and coming to collect them willingly...

Your DH needs to buck his ideas up and start respecting and supporting you!

CaptainHoratioWragge Mon 15-Oct-12 17:05:21

What happened?
Did you try the laundrette?

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 16-Oct-12 13:02:48

Who expects you to run the house perfectly just because you look ok?!

yes, yes! to a big laundrette trip to get on top of it all!

Then, if you don't want to have the fight of "you WILL take responsibility for the state of your own clothes, I am DONE", get 4 laundry baskets and 4 giant plastic tubs with lids. Put the baskets where each person dumps their dirty clothes am guessing that dirty laundry is handled using the method I grew up with and how my DH used to do it before I trained him to use a hamper, fill the plastic tubs with each person's clean clothes and put the lid on before moving the tubs, then if they just get dumped in their room, at least the dog/"D"H won't trample it all...

MummasBrainsBust Tue 16-Oct-12 14:24:40

Thank you all lovelies x
My friend & I sorted out my Dining Room the other day so I now have 4 'People' piles & a Linen/Whatever pile on the table. I spent all weekend washing & folding (DH was working & both DC at home). I have decided the people piles are staying put until the backlog is done and I am going to put it away in manageable chunks while sorting, selling & chucking. that way the dog can't lie on it & DH & kids can'd fling it where they fancy & the piles get smaller :-).

The dirty clothes are put where they are flung (everywhere bar the washbasket)

As the MS has changed considerably over the last 12 months I am going to apply again for dla to be re assessed not holding out much hope, but at least they will be able to see year on year how it has progressed and changed hahaha!!

My Husband seems to think that if I look ok I am. Unless he is feeling especially considerate, or creeping.

I am definitely going to mum up and make sure I lay down the law now about this kind of thing.. at the end of the day they are going to have to take over the running of the house at some point in the future (a long long time away hopefully) so may as well start the habits to make their life easier for them in the future or we will all be living in a dirty hell hole! shock

Thank you all again, you are so lovely

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 16-Oct-12 16:15:40

"My Husband seems to think that if I look ok I am. Unless he is feeling especially considerate, or creeping. "

shock I'd also hit him over the head with a book info on hidden disabilities, or possibly play up the fact that you aren't a SAHM, you are too ill to work and therefore, not well enough to do all the housework!

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