Want to cry. Or just chuck everything out and start over :(

[HauntyMython]

Anyone else feel like that about their house? Running it is just impossible right now.

Tiny house with way too much stuff - I know that's our fault. We were ticking over reasonably, but it's all gone to shit in the last year. DH got injured and is in agony, he's now a SAHD while I'm working PT, which is great for me. DH still does a lot - more than he should TBH.

Have decluttered loads and have more stuff to ebay, but no idea when to do it - I really enjoy it, photographing, writing descriptions etc, but there's all the daily stuff to do as well.

How the hell do you do it with 2 DCs (4 and 2) - have tried getting them to join in as a game, sticking DVDs on etc. They just fight or want to play with the one toy I'm tidying. No garden to shove them out into, my parents take them once a month or so for a few hours so we get a bit done but it's more effort than it's worth, no way would I trust them to have them to stay overnight. DH can't take both DCs out ATM, otherwise I'd be able to get loads done. DD will be at school FT after half term but can't afford any nursery place for DS, his funding will kick in next September.

I know what we need to do - just can't seem to do it. We've agreed to do the washing up every morning after the school run, and put laundry on every night. Also going to get a cabinet for the living room as I get discount in the charity shop chain I work for. Also forking out for school dinners to save time and effort. Beyond all that I don't know where to begin. How do you do it when one of you is depressed and the other is in agony.

I don't know why I'm posting really, just hate myself and my life right now so needed a self indulgent rant. DD has already said she hates our house because it's messy. Just what I used to say about my parents' house when I was young - and it's the reason I won't go to my old house, they have rats FFS.

As I said I know what I need to do just don't know how, I feel snowed under. I would love some tips (support threads, websites etc don't really work for me - I tend to lose interest after a few weeks, so I need to do this on my own IYSWIM)

Thanks

[fuckityfuckfuckfuck]

Unless you desperately need the money then tbh charity shopping it will be quicker and easier. If not, forget ebay and put it on Gumtree. I just sold some big stuff there and it was sold and collected in less than a day, no faffing with postage or fees. But smaller stuff, random bits of crap, cheap stuff, just charity shop it. Get a big bin bag, go round the house and take it straight there. Job done in less than a day.

[cyb]

Start small. One room at a time. Plonk the children in forn tof a DVD/bowl of popcorn whatever will give you 2 hours peace. Or get H to take them to the cinema

First SORT- out everything in that roominto what you def use and what you never will BE BRUTAL- never mind ebaying, carbooting, if you are serious about de cluttering all that does is make more piles of crap to deal with. Get rid, take to charity.Put it in boot of car so you HAVE to take it and kids can't see Feel good that someone will use what you don't. Move on.

Purge everyhitng else- throw away stuff you can tgive away to someone else

Assign areas in your home for the things that are left. Paperwork in one place, books in another, laundry another etc etc. Still do this one room at a time- if you start wandering round the house with armloads of stuff its easy to get bogged down in the next room as you pass through.

Containerise - find the right storage ofr things once you know what you have left and where it will go. Crates/ shelves/ under bed drawers/ etc. Vacuum pack bedding/ out of season clothes.

Equalise Do this one room at a time. it will take time but you can keep on top of things much better if you are methodical.

See you have S P A C E

[cyb]

Apologies for crap typing

I love decluttering and it gets me excited

[ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern]

Give yourselves a break until after half term - just keep on top of the day to day stuff.

When DD is at school get DH to take DS out - the park, cafe for a drink, toddler group - whatever, whenever he is up to it. You will storm through things!!

It is hard when it's so overwhelming.

Are either of you hoarders?

[turnitup]

No massive advise here just sympathy as I know who you feel. I always feel overwhelmed and fed up at the weekends due to housework!!

All I can say is with the decluttering - just do a little at a time, maybe 30 mins a day and then just stop or its just all too much.

[HauntyMython]

Nope not hoarders unlike my parents! My mum still lectures me on having too much stuff though we've got the stuff ready to ebay, we aren't sentimental about keeping stuff - everything for the dump/charity shop has gone already, as we had a much better phase a few months ago. Unfortunately we really do need the cash - DH failed his ESA assessment so we have very little coming in. Will have a look at gumtree.

I guess the problem is more sorting out where to keep the stuff we are actually keeping. We also need to get the landlords to pick up their fridge/washing machine, as we use our own, and then get a cupboard for the kitchen.

I might take a day or two off after half term. I don't really want to ask DH to take DS out as he's in so much pain - though it'll be easier when DS no longer needs the buggy, which DH can't push. He can't actually sit down either, he can't do anything much at all like pick DS up. They are stuck at home apart from the school run which doesn't help the mess obviously! Even if we had a car he wouldn't be able to sit in it. It's completely crap ATM.

Sorry I'm not making much sense, just so blah and self-pitying today. Really appreciate the advice so far

[toomuchmonthatendofthemoney]

cyb's routine is sensible. i would agree, do the basics till you have one child in school, then have a bash. Set a limit - like a week per room, or 1hour a day, or to have the downstairs done by Xmas,whatever will spur you on. and yes, be brutal and get rid asap, don't leave more piles lying around waiting till you have time to ebay.

[TheProvincialLady]

Sorry you are having such a tough time. Is there anything more your DH's GP could do? Referral to a pain clinic, osteopath, specialist? Are you getting sufficient help with your depression?

If you just get your house a tiny bit better every day or every few days evn, you will get there in the end. It is hard enough decluttering when you have 4 and 2 year old let alone with the other problems you are having.

[ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern]

What did your DH do? It sounds awful :(

Is there anyone who could have your DS for you for a few hours so you can get stuck in? Honestly, often it's just a case of asking! If you are anywhere near me I'd happily have him for you. I'm missing a wee mate around the place at the moment and we have a fab park at the end of the road. PM me if you want to see if you are near me!

Other than that I guess you just have to do what you can when he's at home. Will he sit and watch a DVD on his own (without big sister he might be more absorbed by it)? Can DH lie on the couch with him while watching it?

Then I guess all you can do is get stuck into the eBaying bit and keep getting rid of the charity shop stuff as you can.

It's not surprising you are a bit down about it all - whinge away, we all need a place to vent and you have good reason to be fed up!!

[cyb]

If I lived near I woudl come and do it for you

[JaneBirkin]

I think it's making decisions that I find the hardest...don't know about you, OP, but when my life isn't settled, or predictable, I don't know what to keep and what to chuck.

I find that really stressful. So everything stays.

I am doing regular clearouts - I mean every week, every day if I feel up to it - just sorting out a box or a room at a time.

It keeps it fresh, so you remember what you did last time, what was on the maybe pile.

It is exhausting though. I just did the boys' room and it's taken me all day.
Love xx

[DeliriousTante]

Only read op so far but know exactly how you feel. We live in a small boxy house having moved from a large regency flat. Our house feels soulless and depressing. We are trying to channel all our energies into tackling it, figuring out what our hot spots are etc. Also spent a long day in ikea picking up some bits. The new catalogue is actually very inspirational for small spaces.

[DeliriousTante]

Blimey cyb, any chance you are in the west midlands?!

Tell you what haunty, we can be buddies on this if you like. Dh and I both work part time and share childcare. We are lucky that dd1 has just started school but 1 yro dd2 is hard work. We are really serious about sorting our house out. Yesterday we painted the living room white. We can do this together with tips and support.

Our hot spots are toys, random crap on shelves, paperwork and keeping the kitchen clear. Oh and putting laundry away. And leaving stuff on the stairs. Um that's a lot of hot spots!

[Flossbert]

I know they take a cut, but aren't there companies that will eBay your stuff for you?

[cyb]

No leafy Surrey

[hevak]

Just a thought - if you are working part time, could you find another family with a small child who you could "swapsie" with? So you take their child one morning/afternoon per week (I appreciate you would have to do this as your DH is so unwell) and then they could take your DS another morning/afternoon?

Then you would have half a day per week to declutter in peace.

Also, could you try tackling one small area per night, for 20-30 minutes? Eg. one kitchen cupboard tonight, the bathroom cabinet tomorrow night, one wardrobe drawer the next... You might be surprised how quickly that adds up. :)

[HauntyMython]

Thanks everyone, feel a bit better this morning as we got some stuff done last night but still managed to go to bed at a decent time. DD hasn't been going to bed too nicely and we yet again got into the habit of sitting outside her room until she was asleep, but last night I just went across the hall and folded laundry in our room and she was asleep much quicker.

Also decided to get on with selling stuff ASAP as the guilt of it being there is weighing me down. I always do that - spend so much time worrying about what I should be doing, and feeling guilty for wanting to something different, that I don't get anything done at all

[FaithfullBorderBinLiner]

Be nice to yourself Hunty Mython, when mine were 4 & 2 it was really hard keeping on top of everything, every hour seemed crammed with stuff. When I did gain 'control' over the house it was much easier to maintain and everyone felt happier.
I like what Flylady said about 'it did n't get that way overnight so you can't expct a quick fix' so keep chipping way, little and often.

When you sit down one day because all the chores are done and look around ta your lovely home and family, enjoy that moment you'll have worked bloody hard for it and you deserve to feel smug.

[roseum]

Freecycle the non-valuable stuff? So you don't have to go through the greater effort of ebaying it - you just post a description, say collection only please, and then give it to someone who just turns up on your door-step. We've got rid of loads of stuff that way - wasn't valuable, saved us the effort and kept stuff out of landfill (which I always feel guilty about if I just chuck things).

[HauntyMython]

Thanks :) we agreed when sorting stuff out that most of it will be given away if not sold first time. I will be making a start on ebay listings tomorrow, I'm looking forward to it now I've actually given myself permission to do it IYSWIM (going to photograph/write descriptions for lots of things at once, then upload in one session as that seems to be quicker) assuming DH is better, he's been really unwell today. Barely made it down the stairs. I should really be asleep!

[dizzyday07]

Haunty - come on over and join us in the Ebay forum!

[HauntyMython]

Will have a look :)

Not going to be a productive day, DH is still not better so I've sent him back to bed.

And I just remembered our landlords are sending the painters round in half term to do most of the house - exciting except for the fact we need to clear up :o

[brightermornings]

My bedroom is the ebay dumping ground I have lot's of things I'm planning to sell. Tonight I have made a decision I'm not going to ebay it. I work full time and have 2 dc's I just haven't go the energy. So this weekend I'm going to sort it out give as much of it away to charity as I can. I feel guilty because I could do with the money but it's been sat there ages.

[HauntyMython]

Ah I've no problem with decision making it's actually getting round to doing it that's the problem :)

I actually work (well, volunteer) for the British Heart Foundation :o they've had a huge amount of stuff from me - we get 65p(ish) per kilo for rags, 50p per kilo for books - and the last time my dad helped me drop stuff off for us the donations got them about £20 that was a massive clearout!

DH is taking DD out this morning so I'm going to stick 2yo DS in front of a DVD while I attempt to remove all non-food/laundry related stuff from the kitchen.