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Feeling completely overwhelmed

(8 Posts)
Pannalash Sat 15-Oct-11 15:08:00

Don't know where to start really, completely overwhelmed by possessions paperwork, inherited furniture, everything really.

I lost my beautiful Mum unexpectedly just over a year ago - only a few months after she had come to live with us, bringing all her furniture with her - we had had our house adapted, and done major building work to accomodate her, can't believe that she didn't have a chance to enjoy it all.

We only managed to decorate my Mums part of the house before we all moved back in - since then we have only done our young childrens bedrooms, so we are still looking at plaster walls, which is depressing.

Finding it very hard to sort through everything, as so much now has increased sentimental value, all her clothes are still in the wardrobe, just can't face it all really.

We seem to be in a constant state of chaos, drowning in baskets of clothes, toys, stuff, furniture - you name it.

Feel embarassed when anyone comes around, just feel so overwhelmed that whatever I do, it hardly makes a difference. I know that a lot of things have to go so that we can 'breathe' - alternate from thinking I'll send all our furniture to the sale room to thinking but that was my Grandmas, how can I get rid of it.

Been suffering from awful anxiety in general, as well as missing my Mum so much.

Would really appreciate some advice as to a 'starting point' to it all.


foolonthehill Sat 15-Oct-11 16:07:39

I can completely understand that it all seems overwhelming. When things get to this state everything looks just too big to here is what I did in a similar situation.......

being completely unable to cope with big decisions I gave myself 10 minutes first thing in the morning after breakfast (literally, I even had to use a timer!!!!) to deal with one tiny area of neglected stuff, one piece of furniture, one get the picture...and I just did that. Pick something that is definitely not "normal to do" eg your Mum's desk drawer. have 3 places to put things...a basket or plastic box for keep safe, a bin bag for the things that even you can bear to part with (broken biros etc) and a box to put away because you think you will be able to part with it (or feel you ought to!) but just can't yet. When you have done your 10 minutes walk out of the room with the bin bag and put it in the bin. Progress to normal activities of the day.

After a while it will get easier to do more but always set a time limit and keep to it or you will dread going back.

For things like furniture and clothes it might be helpful if you have a RL friend who can help you see what will fit in your house or could be useful.

For clothes I found it most helpful to find a shelter to give the coats and shoes as I knew they would be really appreciated, similarly blankets and quilts etc that I didn't feel I could keep ( no space).

It is not unusual to find it hard to part with these things, to help find a pretty box or sewing basket that you can use as a memory box and put up some photos...the more present she is in your memory and home now...the less you may need to keep everything that was hers....

wishing you well.

gigglepin Sat 15-Oct-11 16:20:56

Not in your situation but that is cracking advice from foolon.

Thats really how i do things too.

In fact, just had 10 minute break from MNing to go and sweep the kitchen & hallway floors.

Choose one basket, or draw and spend 10 minutes on it. have one bin bag for charity shop, fill it, put it by the front door to be taken when you next go out. (I put mine in the boot of my car)
Thats one load gone.
Have a plastic box for papers, fill it, then set your self half an our to go through it all. Do you have a shredder? shred as you go if you do.

Ive just learned how to do eaby too, thats a great way of getting rid of stuff for a few quid too.
Baby steps, thats a start.
good luck x

AngryFeet Sat 15-Oct-11 16:23:24

How much free time do you have to deal with it? Child free preferably? Can you leave the decorating for now and set aside a few hours a week to sort everything out and declutter? Make a schedule concentrating on one room a week and spend as many hours as you can on that particular room.

It mist be very hard sorting through your Mums possessions but the memory box idea is a good one. I have several of these. When I say box they are actually big wicker baskets like this. Each one has say baby stuff or photos etc in them. They are nice looking too so can be put around the house if needs be.

Do you have a good sized loft that can be organised so you can put your Mums clothes up there until you feel able to deal with them?

Is her furniture sentimental to you or could you sell it/get rid of it on free cycle to make some extra room?

When you are decluttering each room start with big black bags and throw away all rubbish, then put everything sentimental into your memory boxes. When the room is clear of all that you can rearrange what is left then clean.

Can your DH take the children out one day each weekend to give you time to sort this out? It may take a few months but if it improves your state of mind it would be worth it.

Good luck, it must be hard to deal with this on top of your grief but I think you will feel a load off if you just get started.

AngryFeet Sat 15-Oct-11 16:24:50

By the way I couldn't find them on the site but Ikea does wicker baskets just like that or many other things for storage that are not expensive so it might be worth a trip to get a few bits smile

BloodyGoreyHairyKnickers Sat 15-Oct-11 16:43:00

Sorry to know that you've lost your Mum Pannalash. It's so hard to deal with your feelings, never mind all the physical things.
Please feel free to join our lovely thread for those grieving lost Parents here We are a very understanding and sympathetic bunch and there's almost always someone to answer you and give support. You can rant, cry or share memories etc; whatever you need to do, we are there.

Pannalash Sat 15-Oct-11 20:52:35

Thanks so much for all your very sensible and kind advice, and for taking the time to help. Much appreciate all the tips, it's good advice to take things in small 'chunks' - have been looking at the chaos as a whole and thinking it all needs doing in one go, which is of course impossible, so end up doing nothing - babysteps it is!

Thanks Bloody for the invitation to your thread, will pop by.

Thanks again all of you

BloodyGoreyHairyKnickers Sat 15-Oct-11 22:54:44

You will be made very welcome.

I'm usually Solo btw.

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