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Want to declutter- got DH onside and now he's changed his mind aggh!

(21 Posts)
lizardqueenie Thu 06-Oct-11 19:23:17

Just had to post because I might go mad otherwise. DD has just started crawling & getting into everything so this is the perfect time for us to sort out thr massive piles of clutter that are everywhere. I wouldbt go so far as a death trap but DH does leave stuff everywhere and I mean tools, bits of cable, tins of stuff that look a bit suspect. She can't climb yet but it's wont be long & tbh the house has needed a good sort out fora while. Yesterday he agreed we could do it this weekend (me getting excited even looking a skip websites) today all change & apparently I said we were going out for the day! Said nothing of the sort so trying to stick to my guns but it's going to be a weekend of misery if I have to just look at a moapy face all weekend (his, not DD)

Just looking for a bit of support I guess

ChippingIn Thu 06-Oct-11 19:34:36

LQ - stand strong!! You need to do this whether DH wants to or not. Tell him you will be doing it and he can either be there to 'rescue' very important items or you will decide what is going & what is staying. You have a DD now - he cannot continue to leave dangerous stuff around. End of.

Is he actually a real hoarder or just a messy git who needs to sort his shit out?

If he's a real hoarder it may pay you to read the hoarding threads

madwomanintheattic Thu 06-Oct-11 19:38:40

yy, either you do it together and he gets the say in waht he can keep (and put away) or he can take dd out for the day out you apparently promised on his own and you will do the declutter. sorted. and that way you don't have to look at the face and try and declutter with a little one vying for attention.

i am, however, speaking from experience. my dh claims that he needs each and every one of the 5 slightly different fish slices that we own, as they are all required for slightly different jobs. hmm and no. he is not a bleeding chef.

lljkk Thu 06-Oct-11 19:39:25

Could you compromise? Half day sorting and half day out as a family?

I'm struggling at the moment, because it's so hard to organise it into the various piles, ie

Jumble sales for Brownies or Scouts
Good quality items for new preschool in Sri Lanka
Lesser quality items for local toddler group
Freebies on MN
Charity shop
Recycle or rubbish

I need a complete empty room to organise it all into distinct piles!, and if I can't organise it I can't seem to get my head around it all.

Your case sounds more like attacking one room at a time, check that each and every item there couldn't be better placed elsewhere.

lizardqueenie Thu 06-Oct-11 19:59:10

Thanks all for the quick replies. It's helped immensely. We've had a barney now but I am trying to stand my ground. Took me ages to get the living room sorted- know what it like when you have a LO and all those mums etc popping round for coffee but everywhere else does need doing, but I've made a lot of headway in some of the rooms.

I'm ready to be ruthless, sitting here with my bin bag as we speak, and would do it alone but would be nice to have someone to go down the tip- some stuff we need to get rid of like an old brantbita (sp?) bin- why on earth have we still got that? A wooden kitchen worktop/ shelf thing on wheels from our old house, currently in the spare bedroom as our kitchen is postage stamp size & has load of old sun cream on it (now in my bin liner).
He is a hoarder of techie equipment type stuff which I understand BUT we have a whole garage that he uses for storing that and has his own office for. The other thing he hoards is shoes. Zillions of pairs, exactlythefuckingsame! I just feel sad & embarrassed of our home, which could be lovely but I can't do it all by myself and look after DD at the same time.

sharondaw Thu 06-Oct-11 20:00:39

Chippingin my OHs a hoarder. Wheres the Hoarders thread?

sharondaw Thu 06-Oct-11 20:01:39

Just found it

Imnotaslimjim Thu 06-Oct-11 20:04:21

Are you married to my DH in a different life? Have to warn you - i'm 10 years in and I've not changed him yet! I just work around him now. If he complains that something has moved, my mantra is "you should have put it away"

I've been working like a demon on the house recently as I'm fed up of looking at it. 2 rooms done, just 6 to go!

lizardqueenie Thu 06-Oct-11 20:16:18

Well done *Slim JIm*- that's a good saying actually. I could work around him if there was room to work in some rooms iyswim! I'm doing my bit in the spare room at the moment tho. One bag of good stuff for charity shop & one bag of rubbish so far. Maybe I could bag up & he could take to dump.

lizardqueenie Thu 06-Oct-11 20:17:58

Just found a box of my mums things-she left some stuff here when they were having subsidence work done so now I have a ready made box for anything I need to pass on/ return to her!

Imnotaslimjim Thu 06-Oct-11 21:55:16

I've dumped a fair bit recently. I've been paying a friend a couple of pound a trip to take it for me (to cover her fuel)

DH hasn't missed anything yet! There isn't a single thing that I've binned that he's asked for. So I think I'm doing well!

lizardqueenie Thu 06-Oct-11 22:09:53

Good on you- just goes to show doesn't it? He came to check on what I was doing saw bags of rubbish in the hallway then went back downstairs. angryHow are u doing yours? Everyday/ weekend/ by room?

ChippingIn Thu 06-Oct-11 22:40:58

You could do quite a lot by going through the whole house by 'destination' - so go looking for all the things going to the tip, then all the things going to the charity shop, then all the things going to your Mums...

If you have Freecycle put anything on there that you don't want - you will be amazed at what utter crap changes hands grin

He sounds like a bit of an idiot, if he has no pride in his own home and won't help his wife with a tough task like this.

Perhaps he could take your DD out for 6-7 hours so that you have peace and quiet to get on with it at least?

lizardqueenie Fri 07-Oct-11 09:49:44

*Chipping in*- that doesn't sound like a bad idea actually & would save trips backwards & forwards to the same place!
Abba yep- idiot sometimes. I stressed the fact that I feel embarrassed to have people over, look at our friends houses, no piles of crap in each room, we are hoping to have an extension soon& the surveyor/architect has to come measure the whole house so really want it all sorted for then- so last night he says "well we'll just forget about having the extension, by your logic it will only mean the more space we'll have the more stuff we'll have everywhere" he said it entirely straight faced to which I said he was incredibly stupid at times aghast at his idiocy! And said you k ow there is an alternative-we could just keep things tidy & get rid of stuff we don't need. Ever thought of that?! Twat! This is turning into a relationship thread!

Imnotaslimjim Fri 07-Oct-11 16:33:30

I'm doing it by room. And I'm forcing myself to get into the habit of keeping on top of it too. I'm currently working on the kitchen. At the moment, when I get up, I make my bed, do a swish and swipe in the bathroom (have a look at flylady if you don't know what that is) make the kids bed and hoover upstairs.

I then sweep the living room, and spend an hour decluttering the kitchen. I find anymore than that gets me overwhelmed and I want to give up. Once I've a couple of boxes of stuff that needs to go, I get in touch with my friend and she takes it away for me. So far DH hasn't questioned boxes/bags appearing/vanishing.

Alibaba, I think you're right. I curently have no kitchen ceiling after it being pulled down for a rewire (wooden floor about that we couldn't get through) I'm now wanting to set up a cake business at home and can't do that without a ceiling grrrr. So I'm working on decluttering the kitchen so he has no excuse about getting it put up. He's currently saying its too big a job to work around the mess! (lizard is right, this is turning into a relationship thread lol)

kbend Fri 07-Oct-11 16:57:22

so glad 2 read i not the only 1 with this problem. my hubby works full time i work part time. house is mostly cluttered and i would love the time to do it. everytime i start my dd want to help... arghhh. so much stuff pile d up in boxes and its stuff that dd should not be helpin me with eg wd40, screen wash etc... why have we got this stuff in the house when we got a perfectly good shed in garden u ask? well thats fuull of crap so there s no room!! l;ol

lizardqueenie Fri 07-Oct-11 22:33:53

Well we've had a slight breakthrough this evening in the lizard household this evening- he has agreed to take DD out for the day tomorrow so that I can get on! Now I'm not underestimating how long it will all take but have main areas & rooms I want to tackle & plan to load up car with charity shop stuff which I can drop of tomorrow & then anything that needs to go to the dump I'll bag up & DH can take it first thing on
Mon morning.

So (if I may) here's my plan of action starting at the top of the house& working down!

*declutter ensuite of shampoo/shower gel bottles, spray on White vinegar on shower, Hoover & mop floor.
*our bedroom: chuck out old magazines, clothes, remove tools (yes bloody tools) that are the bedroom, take apart dd's old crib & store, bag up DH's clothes to go through. Clean chest of draws, beside tables, wash windows, Hoover & mop.
*Hoover 2nd staircase & wipe down paintwork. chuck out crappy mat thing.
*front spare room, load up car with charity shop stuff, dust & Hoover & Hoover bed. Chuck out old suitcase. Move linen to linen cupboard in our room.
Dining room: take out & put in shed more tools etc, move toys & gifts upstairs, thorough clean & hoover.
Hallway: box up paperwork to be gone through/ shredded at later date. Chuck out old shoes. Bag up DH's shoes for him to sort out.


Imnotaslimjim Sun 09-Oct-11 13:05:35

Blimey good luck with that! Hope you do well and don't get too distracted by mumsnet! get through it all

We've actually had a bit of a break-through too. DH has promised to go and fix niece's bed, even though we have guests for tea. so he is taking DD with him so I can get a bit done too. I only have a couple of hours though so I'll be decluttering the kitchen and getting dinner on! Will have DS with me too, but he helps so its not all bad

Indaba Mon 10-Oct-11 22:21:57

oh, how did it go?

def do one room at once and get rid of stuff as you go otherwise you end up with a garage like Indabas .....full of stuff on its way out...bu not quite leaving blush

lizardqueenie Mon 10-Oct-11 22:40:18

Hey ya! Aww thanks for asking- I did post a celebratory "I did it-I decluttered" thread on Sat eve! It went well just by DH taking DD out for the day but I seriously worked my butt off lugging stuff around & chucking stuff out & cleaning as I went along too. Am going to give the daily bathroom a mini blitz tomorrow-should only take 15-20mins if that, want to chuck out some old shampoo bottles etc & give it all a good clean but I have done our bedroom & ensuite which produced a rid puppy's amount of rubbish, dinning room which was equally horrific. Feel much better about tacking smaller things now like the kitchen, paperwork in the hallway & dd's wardrobe!grin

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