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Constant homework battle ruining family life WWYD DS year 8 !!!!!!!

(17 Posts)
Brighteyes27 Sun 05-Feb-17 16:07:11

DS year 8 age 13 is a reasonably bright lad and got into Grammar school easily his choice. Their is a perfectly good comp almost on our doorstep but he wanted to try out for Grammar. I am extremely proud of him but honest to goodness he is such a lazy lad!!! I really don't know how he is getting by. He does little to no homework at home mid week (he does have a fairly long day as it's 20 odd miles away) and every weekend results in arguments because he would rather lounge about doing anything other than homework. I have tried reasoning with him, nagging, bribery and threats nothing works. This has gone on for months and causes no end of arguments, bad feelings and wasted weekends. I have taken his phone and iPad off him today in desperation and went a step further and emailed the school to check how he is doing and to see if they can have a motivational chat with him. Husband says it's all my fault, yes really!! I shouldn't mention homework as it causes arguments with him !!!! He likes the easy life. WWYD I can't bear to see him wasting his opportunities. He loves the school and has lots of school friends but doesn't see as much of them out of school as he would if they lived closer.

Cakingbad Sun 05-Feb-17 16:11:46

I would completely back off and let the school deal with it. They will punish with detentions if he fails to hand in homework.
That will get him in line.
Honestly. Don't even mention homework for the rest of the term and see what happens.

Brighteyes27 Sun 05-Feb-17 16:16:16

Thanks caking bad it's very difficult but I will try. I am surprised the school hasn't done something before now it's been going on awhile. He's happy just to lounge around. I would like homework out of the way on a Saturday morning so we can all relax on Saturday afternoon and Sunday.
Me and DH have argued about this again.

JennyOnAPlate Sun 05-Feb-17 16:16:53

I agree, back off and let the school deal with it. They will soon be in touch if they have any issues with him!

wizzler Sun 05-Feb-17 16:19:36

Are you arguing because he is not doing his homework at all, or because he is not doing it when you want him to?
He needs to take responsibility for homework .. as previous poster said, leave it up to him, and if there are consequences then so be it.

GeorgeTheHamster Sun 05-Feb-17 16:20:20

I agree with backing off.

I would limit screen time though, but do it without saying anything about homework.

Lilaclily Sun 05-Feb-17 16:20:52

My ds is exactly the same

I think he's coasting by on scrappy bits of work written on the bus and in his lunch hour

Brighteyes27 Sun 05-Feb-17 16:36:34

Arguing because he's done no homework whatsoever all week on an evening. His football was cancelled on Saturday am so I suggested he might want to do some homework then whilst I did some jobs around the house and DH did some decorating. He didn't want to do any. Later on I asked him again saying if he didn't have any plans Sunday we could maybe go off somewhere if he wanted and his homework was done. No he didn't want to do any but wanted a day out Sunday. Sun morn I asked him several time and he didn't want to do any then so I cancelled the day out and still he's not struck a bat.
If I don't mention homework and he does none what about the home school agreement or how can I sign his planner when I know full well he's not done anything. It's also doubly difficult to write anything in it as the last three weeks of his planner have been ripped out?

noblegiraffe Sun 05-Feb-17 16:42:48

Is he doing his homework on the bus or at school at break (maybe copying?) and so actually handing stuff in but not of as good a standard as he is capable of?

You should email his form tutor and express concern that he doesn't appear to be doing any work at home and request feedback on the quality of his homework from his teachers. That's the only way to get a real idea of what is going on.

monkeywithacowface Sun 05-Feb-17 16:46:24

Don't sign his planner email his teachers and let them know he is refusing to do homework and you support any consequences they consider appropriate.

RubyWinterstorm Sun 05-Feb-17 16:47:16

With 14 yr old DS I backed off

I have wifi breaks though, and ask if he has homework. But he almost always says he hasn't.

School put him on report, and called him and me in for a chat with head of year. He felt embarrassed being on report.

Now he has upped his game (a bit?) and I just hope for the best.

I encourage homework (by turning wifi off, offereing him help) but ultimately it is up to him (eek shock)

Time will tell!

Brighteyes27 Sun 05-Feb-17 16:51:16

I've emailed the school today so we'll see. He says he does some at lunch times but I doubt this. Their are three weeks missing in his planner.

gluteustothemaximus Sun 05-Feb-17 16:53:32

We had this for 2 years. We backed off, he ended up with detention after detention. Teachers made him do homework club every day after school, gets it's all done same day. Now he does hw club voluntarily every day as he likes eves and weekends to chill.

Let's ignore the fact we did suggest this idea way back in year 7!

Sometimes you have to let them find their own way. Life is so much easier now.

But, wouldn't say he's lazy. There's way too much homework, and I would hate it too. And it's not because it's grammar. The comp gets 5 homeworks per night! Ridiculous.

Try, it's not easy, but try to leave it up to him. Let him get it sorted in his own way before gcse years kick in. Good luck!

Chewbecca Sun 05-Feb-17 16:56:37

Let school give him detentions etc to sort it out.

GhostlyAbode Sun 05-Feb-17 17:00:31

Been there and it's hell. But like all the others I backed off. I told the school in advance that this was happening and low and behold she got in trouble, had to give up her lunch breaks and got into the swing of things. However I have had to remain backed off because as soon as I interfere she stops. It must be a control thing.

Year 8 is so difficult cos they feel like young adults but aren't so need some area of control.

I also do the wifi free time for the whole family, meant to be for housework / homework / music practice but I leave it up to the older ones to decide if they use it appropriately.

Brighteyes27 Sun 05-Feb-17 17:15:35

Thanks ghostly abode and every one else. I guess he's going to have to realise this for himself and it's probably my well meaning but annoying cajoling nagging and interference which has made him dig his heels in.

Dd year 7 at comp and nowhere near as bright does her homework no bother and shoes me so she can play out with her friends.

Brighteyes27 Sun 05-Feb-17 17:16:56

Shows not shoes.

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