Home Ed for child with SEN - when, how etc?

[CallMeMissTweedy]

If you have a child with SEN (specifically interested in ASC), can you tell me a bit about why, when and how you went about making the decision to home educate?

Currently battling away for a statement for my 5 yr old son with Asperger's, but feeling totally disheartened with the way the school, LEA, virtually everyone involved in his education sees him as some sort of 'problem'. Every day I send him into school and he is unable to cope, kicks off and ends up being internally excluded (or increasingly, externally excluded) I feel like I have failed him .

So when is enough enough?

[streakybacon]

Well, I managed to tolerate my son's neglect right up to the beginning of Y5 but there's only so much harm you can witness before you have to step in.

He had obvious problems even before entering Reception (ignored by HV and her 'wait and see' policy - I've had several of those), school were by their own admission 'very concerned', Head at one point described him as the most violent child with AS she'd ever known and acknowledged his danger to others but still refused to support an application for statutory assessment.

I moved him to another school with an ASD unit at the beginning of Y4, he settled initially (new kid in town, bit of a novelty, then the bullying started) but the crunch came when he started Y5 and had a vile, hideous ignorant witch for a class teacher who refused to tolerate him. It became apparent then that few of the 'highly trained' staff had a clue how to work with autistic children. In fact, in his whole five years in school he got no support at all, despite reports from Autism Outreach that clearly outlined his various needs and difficulties. He floundered for years and both schools refused to engage with me - once he was through the doors in the morning he was nothing to do with me .

My own experience was that the system is against children and parents rather than for them. There is more effort put into proving that a child doesn't need support than in providing it, finance and statistics drive provision in a worrying number of cases. Even those who do get help have a heck of a battle to get it - nothing comes easily and your child could be suffering while you're fighting.

My son was being harmed and neglected and I couldn't bear it any longer - God alone knows what it was doing to him. I deregistered when he was almost 10 (beginning Y5) and we've never looked back. I've been able to spend more time and effort on developing his social, emotional and communication skills in ways that wouldn't even have occurred to SENCOs, teachers, heads or the LEA. He is being supported appropriately and is now thriving - still autistic, still with problems but we have a consistent method of tackling them that is showing good progress.

One thing I should say is that a lot of people comment that it 'must be hard work' to home educate and yes, it is. But it's nothing compared with the stress of dealing with an education system that didn't want to help him or even protect others from his rages. We're out of the system more or less completely now and it's the most stress-free I've ever been since he was born .

[julienoshoes]

Yes people were always telling me it must be really hard home educating three children with SEN.
I always replied 'No sending three thoroughly miserable children to school every day was hard, home education is in comparision is easy, happy and joyful'

Our three were 13, 11 and 8 when we found out one fateful Friday, after another disaterous day at school, that home ed was a leagl viable option.
By that time we had tried everything to make things work and I was so sick of banging my head on the brick wall for all three of them, that as soon as we found out we were gone. The letter went in the very next school day.

I had no idea how I was going to go about it, I just knew whatever we did it had to be better than the disaster that school had been for all three of them.

Nearly ten years ;ater, we have seen them succesfully through their secondary years and they are happy confident people, who fully intend to autonomously home educate their own children.

There is a webpage for families like ours HE-Special Needs, which has a page about Aspergers children and HE, an email support group, where you will find loads of parents who are home educating their children, who will offer support and encouragement. There is also a 'Month in the life of ...blog'-and one of those families is me and mine!

[CallMeMissTweedy]

Thank you for your replies. Tremendously heart warming!

My worry at the moment is that we are going through the process of getting a statement, and that if we decide to HE at this point, that will all have been for nothing and if we do want to re-enter the education system at some point, we will have to go through this whole hideous process again .

julienoshoes - am going to have a look at that website now, many thanks.

[CallMeMissTweedy]

oops, link doesnt work. Will try and google it!

[ommmward]

Callemisstweedy - just be careful not to fall into the concorde fallacy, yeah?

You're investing lots of energy in getting a statement and, under the concorde fallcy, that would be seen as a good reason to keep investing in the system.

But maybe this process of trying to get a statement is actually part of the process of you questioning whether the System can actually help your child - maybe ttrying to get a statement is just part of the mental process you are going through in finding a better educational alternative for your child.

Better for them to be happy now HEed without a statement than to be unhappy now within school so that they retain the statement so that, at some unspecified point in the future, they have it in place when they start enjoying school...

[streakybacon]

People will often state that a statement is a legal document which must be adhered to but this is rarely true in practice. Most people end up spending a lot of time and energy policing the statement to be sure it's being implemented, always difficult if the school/LEA aren't being straight with you and more so if they're actually hiding something (not exactly unheard of).

It's a difficult one - worth pursuing so that you have The Document should you ever wish to send him back into the system, but then is it worth the paper it's written on and is it worth keeping your child in an unsuitable situation to get it?

And anyway, if you did return to school in the future your statement would possibly be considered out of date for the child's needs so you could end up having to start all over again with no support in place. Regardless of the supposed six months for a statutory assessment it could take as long as eighteen.

[julienoshoes]

IMO best thing we did was to get our child out of the system before we won the battle to get the statement!
The statement would have been one more thing to tie us in to the LA once we were home educating!
Truly believe my dd2 was so much better off with out the LA on our back over the statement-totally irrelevant to our way of home educating -and I have yet to see it to be of any true worth to a home ed family.

and yes if she had chosen to go back into school we would have had to go through the process of fighting for one-but even if had one it would have needed updating.
Still not worth the hassle of having one, in balance imo

[julienoshoes]

oops sorry about the link earlier!

here you go.............
HE Special Needs

There is also a book tht many parents from that website contributed to Home Educating our Autistic Spectrum Children -Paths are made by walking
17 (I think) different families who home educate their ASD children have each written a chapter about their experiences.
There is also a legal chapter as well.
Think you might find it useful.