The Socialisation Issue

[Marjoriew]

I always know when anyone is asking me about HE, that they are going to bring up the socialisation issue.
I realise it's an important issue, but it seems to me that it's the first thing people bring up when they are asking about HE.
It's like implying that if they aren't in school, they're not getting to mix enough with other children.
Why does socialisation have to take place within a child's peer group?
When asked, it feels as though the priority of others is that it doesn't matter a jot whether a child is happy being educated out of school or not to a better standard than in school - that it's so much more important that they are socialised.

[ommmward]

there are some really good comebacks

"yes, we take socialisation very seriously. Every day we beat him up for his dinner money before giving him a series of painful wedgies"

[seeker]

Maybe people raise it because it's important? And because it's not hard to see how you will provide the education bit - it's the other elements that are harder to understand being achieved out of school.

As an adult who was HEd, socialization is the first think I tend to ask about too.

[frakkit]

Because they can't question the quality of education, the individual attention or the breadth of the curriculum so they pick on the one thing school can offer automatically but HEing can't unless you're proactive.

Socialisation is important. As important as 'book learning' IMO. However there's nothing that says it has to be with children the same age - it's just that HEd children may miss out on cultural trends that are huge in school, like Pokemon used to be, and people are interested in knowing how you'll approach it rather than, say, the finer points of your curriculum.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

I think that people have an idea that home educators take their children out of school so they're not exposed to anything nasty, and then proceed to indoctrinate them in all their bizarre religious beliefs!

I think that home schooling in America can be blamed in part for that as I think that that is a much larger reason for home educating over there.

In the UK, though, I don't think it could be farther from the truth. People don't 'see' real home educators though, they only see the extreme ones on tv documentaries so they worry that HE'd children become isolated and lonely.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that all home educators take their children's desire for socialising seriously, but I think that the vast majority do - it's just that 'people' don't know it, so they comment and ask.

[streakybacon]

I always tell people I can't understand why it's called home education because we're never at home, always out with Other People.

Also, there's a big difference between socialising and socialisation. A lot of people who ask these questions don't quite get that.

ommmward - I have a similar reply, that I spit in his lunch box a couple of times a week and get some big lads to come over and flush his head down the toilet. But I prefer your wedgies response so might pinch it .

Not all socialisation is positive, which escapes some people unfortunately.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

frakkit - HEd children don't miss out on cultural trends at all IME, they just don't feel they have to be involved because they seem to be more confident in saying 'I'm not interested' than they would be in school, where being involved in cultural trends can be make or break as to whether or not you're allowed in the cool gang!

[seeker]

"they just don't feel they have to be involved because they seem to be more confident in saying 'I'm not interested' than they would be in school,"

I remember this - I was very confident in saying "I'm not interested". The grown ups were always really impressed. But I was interested. Very.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

Sorry, I don't understand your post, seeker. Are you saying you were interested in the trends, but said you weren't? To impress the adults?

[seeker]

Not to impress the adults. But because I knew that was what I was supposed to say.

[TrillianAstra]

Because that's something they can talk about, probably. Most people are not teachers or educators of any kind, so they don't feel they could have a proper conversation about education, but everyone thinks they know psychology/sociology just by being a human in society.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

I dont' know, Trills. I have to say, I don't actually get asked that question, but then I'm usually being asked about it while my children are blatantly socialising in front of the asker!

I tend to get asked about how we approach it, if I teach them a curriculum, if we have to get inspected and 'what about exams?'.

[Marjoriew]

Fortunately for my grandson, he doesn't say anything to impress anyone [he gets that from me, I expect]. He is confident enough not to feel the need to do so.
People who know us locally will say 'Hasn't he come on well? He is so outgoing, isn't he?
But I do have to say, I find the whole socialisation questioning thing very trying.

[seeker]

OK, marjoriew - I will leave the thread. It's always a bad idea for me to post about HE - I seems to bring out the worst in people on the subject.

But just remember, that's what they said about me too.

[seeker]

I didn't hate it, I loved it. Most of it. But it wasn't all perfect and easy, and nobody ever wants to hear about that - they put their fingers in their ears and go "LA LA LA LA LA". Including, as it happens, my parents!

[Marjoriew]

I started the thread because I wanted to hear what others had to say about the socialisation issue.
I don't have a problem with people disagreeing with me and I don't see how having an opinion 'brings out the worst in people.'
I am genuinely interested in how people deal with the issue and I am not negating anyone's experiences about HE, and I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

Butterfly, you must frequent the same shops I do. The volunteers always keep stuff for grandson, and I can ask for something in particular and they will keep it by for us.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

Seeker - I haven't seen anything on this thread at all to elicit your last two posts! Why do you think people are getting at you? I'm interested in your experience.

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

Butterfly - I think that the thing with HE is you can escape the bullying. I agree that bullying does go on but two things are different about HE wrt bullying.

1. the parents of the bullied child are nearly always there to step in or at least to be escaped to or to take the bullied child home if it happens
   
   
2. if a child is just experimenting with bullying behaviour (which I think most children do), their own parent or another trusted adult is nearly always there to take the opportunity to educate them before it gets out of control (if the parent is any good, of course, and actually recognises it as unpleasant behaviour!)

[lolapoppins]

Miss out on things like pokemon?? Do you know how much money I have spent on sodding GoGos this year?!

I don't have much to add to what has been said already, just that I always have to fend off questions about socialisation from other parents. Ususally when my ds is socialising with thiers.

Ds has a lovely mix of friends through home ed activities and through 'after school' activities and at part time theatre school he atteneds. He had no friends at all at school and cried about it everynight, so the socialisation thing makes me laugh really. I've had a couple of parents tell me that thier kids are having a hard time fitting in at school, and it breaks thier heart when their kids tell them they play alone at break time - then in the next breath say they couldn't home ed because of the social side. Umm.......

[lolapoppins]

The thing that gets me most though is when I say ds is is HE'd and people say 'oh, you'd never know, he's so confident around other children'.

[seeker]

I took marjoriew's 10.30 post as a distinct put down. Apologies if it wasn't meant that way.

[seeker]

I took marjoriew's 10.30 post as a distinct put down. Apologies if it wasn't meant that way.

[Marjoriew]

Not a put down at all, seeker. And I'm very sorry if I have offended you in any way.