I'd love to HE but not sure I could cope.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I've been looking into HE for a while, and really like the sound of it and I think it would be great for my DD. She is 5 and has a global developmental delay of 2 years.
She's on half term at the moment and I've been with her the whole time.
It must sound awful me saying this because I do worship the ground she walks on, but she drives me insane! She never stops talking and demanding my attention. Her speech is difficult to understand, so it's very mentaly draining for me when the talk is constant. I don't want her to think I can't understand her. Some of what she says dosn't make any sence, and she'll want my responce. She's also messing herself several times a day and dosn't have much bladder control either. I seem to spend a huge part of our day cleaning either her or her bedding or our furnature and carpets. I don't want to go back to pull ups as I don't want her to loose the small anount of control she has.
It has been quite a hard day today. (Can you tell??)
Sometimes though, I find teaching her so rewarding. I tought her to write the letter "y" at the end of her name and now she does it write every time. She seems to like to sit down at a desk and write things, so we do this a lot and she enjoys it. I think I'd have to get her out a lot for my own sanity, but I'm not sure how I'd cope in the winter months.
I'm not the most patient person in the world and I'm worried I'd get snappy with her a lot. I'm not sure I have what it takes to be honet, I'd love to think I did but I have to be realistic.

[thatsnotmymonster]

from what I understand of it HE does not really involve sitting down at desks to do 'work'- well not at age 5 anyway. Just doing normal stuff together/playing/crafts/trips etc and using everyday life to stimulate the child's natural learning process. So having a doll's tea party may result in the child writing out an invitation or playing 'cafes' may involve creating a menu and role play with money etc etc etc.

That's my impression anyway

[mummyloveslucy]

I know, but she loves writing at her desk. As soon as she wakes up in the morning, she's at her desk writing. It's just what she enjoys. (She dosn't take after me for that) Maybe it's what she's used to at school. Her favourate things are writing, drawing and pretend play.

[mummyloveslucy]

She also enjoys making cakes, but dosn't eat them, so I can see mummy getting very fat.

[mummyloveslucy]

Yes, it would be hard Riven. I sometimes think I'd benefit from some parenting classes to learn how to deal with the stress and how to answer her questions when I have no idea what she's talking about.
I'm sure some mums would be fantastic with her, it's a shame for her in a way that she's got me.

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

at eating all the cakes!

I think she does sound very full on but I'm sure you could find a way of operating that would be ok for you both.

I don't HE (but am also considering it seriously) and from all I've read it's clear you can be as flexible as you need to. You could keep her out and about lots if that was easier - swimming or other physical activities. Also of course there are HE groups where she would be off playing with others and you could have a break/chat to other mums.

I think you do sound wonderful with her and she's lucky to have a mum like you who is thinking of nothing but her best interests.

[MathsMadMummy]

I suppose you have to weigh up the pros and cons. Is there a particular reason you want to HE? Does she enjoy school?

FWIW I worry too about whether I'll cope with DCs all day every day, I just hope for the best!

[MumInBeds]

It might be possible to flexischool where she attends school part time and you home ed part time if you think this would be an option for you.

[ommmward]

talking: are you working with a speech therapist? Ask them for advice on how to play it when Dd is unclear.

potty training: I've posted on your threads before about this. Can I send you a not very mumsnetty hug and then say: messing and wetting yourself several times a day is not potty trained. It just isn't. If she knew she needed to go, but couldn't quite say so in time sometimes, that would be potty trained with accidents. But this is not-ready-for-pottying-but-you-took-the-nappies away. I truly think you need to choose your battles, and fighting on pretending your child is ready not to be in nappies when she patently isn't is just going to cause stress and lots of extra work. Put her in pull ups. Tesco make a size 6 that she prob. still fits in. Otherwise, consult your GP for the freebie SN ones. Encourage her to use the toilet when she realises she needs to go. Make a big deal of how exciting it is when she does. But for heaven's sake, don't put yourself in the position of doing ten thousand loads of laundry a day! What a waste of your energy!

Can you let go of the superstar clever, or even just average child you thought you were getting? And do what you can to help your girl develop at her own pace, in her own way. That might help you a lot with the patience needed to spend lots of time with her! Whether she's doing things that are "age-appropriate" or not, she's doing things at HER right level. If she's got a 2 year delay and is doing lots of drawing/writing/scribbling, that's AMAZING! I mean, go her!

I think that sometimes parents of children who are outside the "normal" range have to go through a grieving process for the phantom child they don't actually have, before they can get down and really enjoy the child they do have.

Also, you might find it easier to be around the home ed community, with the children of 1001 quirks, than among the parents of lots and lots of "normal" children. Personally, I spend so little time with "normal" people nowadays that it's quite a shock to see totally neurotypical, able-bodied children and their parents interacting!

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

Great post, ommm.

[mummyloveslucy]

Thanks everyone. She dosn't have a speech therapist, we are trying to get her one at the moment. We have found her an educational psychologyst and she is hopefully going to be seen soon.
I've spoken to my HV about the training etc and she's going to send me the free nappies. I will start using them as it will greatly reduce the stress. I suppose it's because she very rarely has accidents at school, so I think she can't be bothered at home. Shool don't want her in pull ups (because she's well trained there) I wish I understood her better. I think the EP will help.
I know it's so good she's writing! It's such a supprise, as just 5 months ago, she couldn't write a single letter that looked like it should, without me doing the dot to dots. I am very proud of her, she really enjoys learning.
Sometimes I do have to remind myself that she has been diognosed with a 2 year delay, as she comes across as very bright. Loads of people who don't know her that well have said "I'm sure it's only speech, as she's so bright" etc. I know what they mean, as she's very alert and will talk about anything. She's also very expressive and uses a lot of hand gestures. She can also be very cunning.
I'm hoping the EP will give me a better idea of what her needs are.
She's just woken up actually and come in. She looked at the pictures and said "Oooh a biscuit!, buiscuit for me?"
I'd better go and see to her now. Thanks for your posts.

[becaroo]

"I think that sometimes parents of children who are outside the "normal" range have to go through a grieving process for the phantom child they don't actually have, before they can get down and really enjoy the child they do have."

Exactly Ommm!.....it took me a long time to admit I was upset by my ds1 lack of undertanding in some things but once I accepted that he will never be a rocket scientist things got much better - for both of us.

mummyloveslucy Your dd sounds lovely