Feeling sorry for myself...

[ButterPie]

...that I wasn't HE. Talking to people about trying to decide whether or not to HE my kids has made me realise how great it would have been for me.

One incident stood out to me...in year 4 (so, 8ish) I carved my name into the desk, to warn people that I had sat there, as obviously no-one would ever want to sit in my chair. The teacher's response? I had to scrub all the desks clean with disinfectant.

I was constantly told off for asking too many questions, reading too fast, getting too involved in things, wanting to know about things that weren't in the lesson plan. Then I would be told I was being deliberately stupid if I didn't understand something.

There is NO WAY my little girls are going through that. I might end up sending them to school, but the minute they are at all unhappy, they will be out of there.

[MathsMadMummy]

aw butterpie, sorry you had a crap time at school. so much of parenting is (IMHO) about 'breaking the cycle' though... by being aware of things that weren't so great in your own childhood - whether a big issue or a minor thing - we can change it for own DCs. we can never do it perfectly - goodness knows I haven't! and it'll obviously never change our own past, but it's making life better for our DCs and that's pretty cool.

[lolapoppins]

Sorry you had such a crap time at school.

fwiw, I remember begging to be home educated when I was 13/14. I had a horrendous time in senior school, did not fit in, used to spend before school, break times and lunch times hidden in a toilet cubicle listening to my Walkman to vet away from other kids taking the mick. Wouldn't have be the bast idea for two reasons, my dad was widoewed when I was young so worked all the hours god sent and HE was something I don't think he thouht existed and most importantly, I
was a lazy sod! I only did work and exams as I had to, being home with no support I would have done nothing.

I didn't let that cloud my judgement of ds going to school though, he is a different person. The issues he has at 5 and a half thet led us to pulling him out of school were totally different. And I fully envisage him going for last year or two of primary if wants to and senior school. The difference is I could draw from my experience and help him more (or HE him properly) if he were having issues with secondary school.

I never tell any one about my negative experience of school ( primary was just as bad but more manageable as you are more supervised) because I don't want to be accused of projecting my bad experiences onto ds.

[ommmward]

(((((butterpie)))))

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

I agree, Butterpie. My mum was amazing, and I didn't have an awful time at school, but looking back, and looking at what I now know about how children learn, and how they make decisions about their future etc., I (and my mum!) wish I'd been HEd. But mostly I feel eternally grateful that I know enough, and have enough support, to do what I think is absolutely the best for my children.

[ButterPie]

Oh, don't get me wrong, my family were great, I just don't think they thought they had any option but to leave me in school, and I think they thought I just needed to toughen up and get over it.

I remember the scornful remarks after the doctor suggested that my frequent illnesses were maybe because I didn't like school. The attempts to keep any kind of educational psychologist away from me as it would just make me stand out.

[piscesmoon]

It obviously wasn't the place for you, but I don't really think you can make decisions on your negative experience-your DCs are not you. I can think of lots of experiences I have had in life that have been negative and yet my DCs have found them the opposite. My mother views things entirely differently from me.
You are very wise to realise that you don't have to stick with things if it makes them unhappy. I would remove mine if unhappy. However I think it is better to start with a positive attitude. Your school days are in the past-you can't change it- so leave them in the past.
I think you should make any decision, about anything based on the positives, and not because of the negatives.
HE should be undertaken because you think it is best for your DCs and not as a reaction against your childhood experience. (It is rather like an appeals panel to get into a school-you have to say why you want that particular school and you can't mention why you don't want the other). I don't know why I am making sense-I am trying to say you should HE because you want it, think you can do it well and it is best for your DCs-the alternative isn't really relevant IMO.

[SpringHeeledJack]

I home ed my dcs- but I'm really glad I went to school.

My mum was controlling, hated the influence of outside on me and my siblings, and looking back I was glad to get away from her for a few hours each day, so I could form my own opinions and become me, instead of the Mum clone I think she wanted me to be...

At least a few times every day I look right into myself (urgh) and check that I'm not doing the same thing!

[piscesmoon]

It just goes to prove SpringHeeledJack, that you are not your mother and your thoughts and experiences and ways of dealing with them are not hers. Everyone is unique.
I can empathise with ButterPie to some extent. I failed the 11+ and had to go to three schools to get the qualifications for university when my primary school Head had said that I was suited to grammar school), I was annoyed and upset for years and had somewhat of a chip on my shoulder.Other people couldn't understand it, because I was successful-they couldn't see that it mattered. I still had the feelings when my DCs were small. One day I just decided to let it go-it doesn't matter and in many ways the striving made me a stronger person, I felt much better when I let it go.
I caught the end of a very good radio programme once on the subject of counselling. It was being explained that counselling helped you to come to terms with something but can't make it better for you-eventually you have to acknowledge that the experience was not what you wanted or deserved but that you have to draw a line under it and let it go.
My mother has always been very protective. She wanted to save me angst by learning from her life experiences. It drove me up the wall! I wanted to learn by my own mistakes, and if I got hurt, I got hurt. She explained that if she could she would wrap me in cotton wool so that I never got hurt! (I was 35yrs old when she said this!)I can see where she is coming from-I think we must all feel like this. However I think that it is very wrong to project your own negative experiences onto your child-they are not you, and they won't ever get the same experience.

If someone is to HE I think it is very important that they do it because of the positive reasons for HE (of which there are many)and leave school out of it. (if you are going to HE you don't even have to consider school).

(If I want to get something out of my system ButterPie,I get a piece of paper write it down every little detail (I empty my mind).I then leave it a few days, read it through and tear it up. I then forget it. It may not work for you, but I think that it is very therapeutic. You can then take out the best-i.e. you will be super sensitive to your DCs needs and feelings, but you won't be taking the worst i.e. projecting your feelings onto them.)