I will try to keep the back-story brief, but I apologise in advance for this lenghty post!
DD2(8) has AS and we took her out of school last Jan. She had never settled and eventually began to self-harm, didn't eat or sleep and basically was falling apart.I bitterly regret not doing it sooner, but that's another story.
It took me nearly a year to convince my dh to try HE - in the end I told him it was happening with or without him.
Within weeks he was singing the praises of HE as he saw the dramatic improvement dd made.
Anyway, we had 6 months of thoroughly enjoying the whole process and dd was like a different child. It was so wonderful to witness.
Then, in July she said she wanted to try a new school because she wanted friends. I was completely floored. Then I felt guilty, because I had deliberately limited the amount of HE activities we attended, with the intention of easing dd in gently. This was because she was totally traumatised by her time in school. In hindsight, I got this wrong, because dd ended up lonely
So after a lot of soul-searching, we decided that we had to let dd try school if she was so determind to give it another shot. Outwardly, dh and I are being very positive and supportive -but privately we are worried sick.
This is because around the time that dd visited her new school (very small and actually supportive)her anxiety began to creep up again.
Fast forward to today and she is still saying that she is looking forward to school, but she has a list of worries and fears a mile long. It seems that the progress she made from Jan -July has slipped away and she is once more unable to sleep.
Her OCDs are more apparent, she is irritable and volatile and seems really unhappy.
I think we have made a terrible mistake and should maybe have told her we would consider school after Xmas if it was still what she wanted.
Ironically, she hasn't really asked for any of her friends over the summer and has craved time alone.
I am worried sick in case she falls apart again. The PIL and dd's psyc are saying we have to give school a proper chance and not withdraw her at the first sign of stress, but I have no intention of letting her suffer. DH is 100 % with me this time.
But what do I do if she falls apart on the first day? She is so fragile at the moment. I asked her if she wanted to go part-time at first, but she has refused.
I would be so grateful for any words of wisdom because to say I am confused and lost is an understatement.
Many thanks.
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I think I have made a huge mistake and I feel wretched
19 replies
siblingrivalry · 31/08/2009 20:49
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