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Im starting to panic - my los have been ugh the last couple of days!!!!

(25 Posts)
Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 21:03:07

As many of the MN HE crew will know I have been toying with the idea of HEing my los for ages - due to superbright ds (with aspergers) being totally fed up at school which is causing mental health issues. DD doesnt like school for reasons of her own (mainly shyness)

So anyway after months of agonising we took the plunge on wednesday - I told the school I was hoping that they wouldnt be returning in september cos all was going to be fine and dandy (not submitting letter until then just in case)

Practically everyone I know thinks I am a loon for even considering HE
No no I say it will be fine, you'll see....

Weeellll tney have had 5 days off so far and things are not great chez moi

Pretty please can you reassure me because I am starting to panic!


Kayteee Sun 19-Jul-09 21:40:57


What sort of thing's been happening?

If that's not asking to much personal stuff?

Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 21:52:10

Hi kaytee - just crazy mad behaviour really
Ds constantly asking interrupting me mid sentance when I try to answer his endless questions

DS frequent anxiety and tears. Shouting and screaming if he doesnt get his own way

DD constantly getting upset if she doesnt get her own way - disappearing for 10 minutes to scream which I ignore - she then returns ready to apologise and accept things

DD constantly finding bits of her body that hurt and require sympathy

both of them running about like mad things all day long (I know this is because on a school day they walk 1 mile to school and another back, plus playtimes) At home they are quite tricky to get outside.....

I have said that as of tommorrow regardless of the weather we are going for a daily trek

Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 21:54:31

That was a mega negative post!
They are wonderful kids who can be wonderful 90% of the time for days on end

But atm arghhhhh worst behaviour for most of the day - The end of school was supposed to be good not awful......

seeker Sun 19-Jul-09 21:57:45

It's the holidays - they have been at school for a long school year, and if they are anything like mine they will be tired and stressed out. They are also coming to terms with a radical change in their lives.Why not just relax and chill for a while and review the situation in a month's time?

ZZZenAgain Sun 19-Jul-09 22:01:53

Could you start the day after breakfast with a long walk (scooter ride), during which they are to collect 3 thingswhich can be washed and looked at, admired when you get home, whatever they like (acorn, ladybird, leaf, interesting stone, forked twig). (If they are primary)

If they are older, go to the park for an hour BEFORE work.

Also keep the lessons, if you are doing lessons, short.

Let them have some say in some things and have maybe 1 day where dd decides what is done first (say either reading aloud or science) etc whatever your set-up is and another day which is always the day ds decides.

Sit in the garden or go to the park for a lesson, weather permitting. Take advantage of the fact it does not have to be as routinised and restricted as a school day.

How old are they yurtgirl?

Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 22:02:03

Hi Seeker - that is exactly what we have been doing, relax and chill

I have been trying to give free reign to let them relax and chill but without almost constant supervision and direction they are like wild animals - totally not like their normal behaviour at all!
Its like they have swallowed 'crazy' pills

ZZZenAgain Sun 19-Jul-09 22:02:59

oh duh, I see you are not actually HEing at the moment, just having them around all day. I agree they are working off the stress of school.

Shitemum Sun 19-Jul-09 22:07:38

They are missing some aspects of school and the routine, even tho they weren't that happy while they were there.

My DD2, 2.10yo, was all sulky about 5 days after school finished at the end of June and one day said, head on arms at the dining table, 'I NEVER go to school' ...

Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 22:08:50

ZZZenagain - no we arent doing anything deliberate about learning atm (unless they ask)

I love those ideas though - I think that is what we all need.

Going out straight after breakfast will force us all 3 to get dressed and will work off a load of their 'crazy juice' and activate their brains as well as being similar to the normal walk we normally have

lilyfire Sun 19-Jul-09 22:09:31

When I started home edding, which was only last September, everyone said I was mad too. I have a 5yo and at that time, a just 2yo and 6mo. We had a fair number of bad days/hours - with people throwing tantrums at the same time, general chaos and nothing working out at it should and in the middle of all this I'd be thinking about how everyone was obviously right and home education was a completely insane thing to do and this just stressed me out even more. As the year has gone on I think we still have probably a similar amount of madness, but I notice I find myself less and less thinking that it's a result of my choosing to home educate and therefore it's all my fault. I just think (like you did) they haven't had enough exercise, or they're hungry or tired. There's such a lot of pressure on you when you choose to do something that goes so against the grain and I think it's really easy to link everything bad that happens to having made the wrong decision.
Also don't you think your children are partly having a reaction to being free from school? It's worth reading up on de-schooling - from the perspective of both you and the children - it may strike a chord with you.
I also found last Summer holidays quite difficult. When it got to September we got into our stride a bit more - museums etc were quieter and easier to access, all the home ed groups started up again after the break and we definitely found our rhythm.
It's really early days for your children and for you. I had, and sometimes still have, quite a few panicky moments about whether H.E. was right. I would read bits from my HE books, or go on a HE blog and would usually end up reassured.
Good luck.

Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 22:09:46

Sorry ds is 7 and dd 5

seeker Sun 19-Jul-09 22:10:35

I do find with my two (school educated) that when they are on holiday I need to make sure that they get enough exercise. They get tons with school and after school activities, but in the holidays they need to be reminded to use up their energy (particularly 8 year old ds) or they end the day "maungy" as my MIL would say. Swimming? A walk and a picnic?

Yurtgirl Sun 19-Jul-09 22:14:50

Thanks lilyfire - that is a really helpful post

This sentance of yours is fab "There's such a lot of pressure on you when you choose to do something that goes so against the grain and I think it's really easy to link everything bad that happens to having made the wrong decision"

We've got free range education and how children learn by john holt

Any reccomendations for books about deschooling would be welcome

Kayteee Sun 19-Jul-09 22:22:04

I can give you my take on this but quite understand that it may be wrong from your pov.

My kids pick up on vibes coming from me. Is it at all possible that, (because I know a bit about your journey towards HE), your anxiety may be rubbing off on them? The comment you made about everyone thinking that you are a loon wink can't be helping much!

It's actually a really scary thing to go against the "norm" and very common, amongst those of us who take our kids out of the system, to feel overwhelmed to start off with.

I'm off to bed soon but if you want to email me please do.

Email addy is:

I know we live miles apart but I'd be happy to try and help out smile

lilyfire Sun 19-Jul-09 22:50:33

There's a page here about deschooling this page
I like Terri Dowty's book 'Free Range Education' as it's got lots of different stories from HE families, including perspectives on how they adjust after leaving school.

CarGirl Sun 19-Jul-09 23:03:26

Well clearly you are insane to want to HE (I do type that in jest), my observations is that at the start of every holiday there is a "settling" in period where my dc sort of sort their pecking order out and get it all out of their systems and then it all calms down again.

It's a bit like merging a new pack of dogs from several different ones IYSWIM.

I'm sure it'll get better and the HE will go really well.

ommmward Mon 20-Jul-09 14:38:00

just wanted to say:

freedom being tasted for the first time in a long time is a very unsettling thing. Ask any probation officer.

School children spend a large part of many days a year acting according to a timetable and an agenda in which they have little or no say, and with homework and getting-up-and-dressed-in-time, that lifstyle is going to spill over into home life to a huge extent. They are very very likely to spend some time now feeling really insecure and somewhat adrift - asking for entertainment, asking for attention, asking for reassurance. I'd provide them all, as requested, and watch them begin to flower again over the summer.

piscesmoon Fri 24-Jul-09 08:11:41

Just a thought-I may be completely wrong-is your DS better with a predictable routine? I have noticed in school that AS DCs don't cope with change. Last time I was in the whole school was having art week and the timetable was thrown aside while they were madly creative all day with paint etc. The teacher warned me that the AS boy might find it difficult and left me some maths that he could do in a quiet corner if he found it all too upsetting.

Yurtgirl Fri 24-Jul-09 10:54:10

Quick update: Yesterday was a great day, ds was fab all day, his old self - hurrah

However when the evening arrived this little drama unfolded. Oh joy hmm

He seems all right today....... so far!

Pieces - you are right about routine, although he seems to object to changes in routine at school, he isnt so bothered by routines absence or presence at home - he mostly just worries about the time

Kayteee Fri 24-Jul-09 12:23:55


I have emailed you some info.


Yurtgirl Fri 24-Jul-09 12:48:05

Oooooh <runs off to have a look>

musicposy Sat 25-Jul-09 19:51:07

Last summer my eldest came out of school - finished in July and made the decision not to go back. (youngest was already out). Summer holidays were generally, not good. Girls argued a lot and eldest spent half of the time crying. The only bright spot was when they had 3 weeks doing a ballet - all that structure and they were absolutely fine.

The first couple of weeks in September weren't good either. I had a tearful and uncooperative DD1 who was completely unused to working at home, having spent years and years in school, and a resentful DD2 who had lost all her special time alone with me.

So I really sympathise.

The good news is it very quickly picked up once we really got into the "term". I think DD1 was picking up on all the newness and uncertainty of it all and even though she is older (12 at the time), and even though coming out of school was at her request,it was still a huge change in her life.

I've always known I made absolutely the right decision for DD2 (although even she took a while to deschool) and 98% of the time, I know it is right for DD1, too. She is certainly so much happier in her life - the most important thing of all. Life is generally smooth now with only the very odd bad day, which I think all home educators get!

I think things will improve enormously for you. But you might have to go with it for a bit until the new term starts and it their lives really start to feel settled and normal. I found that giving the girls a structured activity in the hols was the best thing.

I think it will be fine, hang in there!

Yurtgirl Sat 25-Jul-09 22:04:24

Im hanging musicposy thankyou for your reassurance

I am celebrating atm - after a week of ds being really difficult, we have had 3 wonderful days. Today for instance was almost entirely unstructured but he was absolutely fine: helpful, kind to his sister, had 3 fabulous games of make believe with his sister and played with his magic tricks set plus trampolining in the garden

For the last three days most of the answering back, arguing, screaming, know it all, tantrums, has stopped - Im fully expecting it to return of course but for the last three days at least - he has been HAPPY from within himself

Wonderful to have him back again - long may it last!!

musicposy Sun 26-Jul-09 07:30:01

Long may it continue, Yurtgirl! I think you will find that eventually they will be much happier. Enjoy the good days and the difficult ones should get less and less grin

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