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"Life is tough and children need to learn how to deal with it."

(158 Posts)
Bubble99 Thu 10-Jul-08 20:29:08

We're considering home ed for DS1 when he finishes primary/junior school.

This is one of the comments we've heard against home ed and the more I think about it the more I disagree.

Why should children be subjected to even low-level bullying? Employees don't. Why should children?

<answering my own question here>

I suppose it depends how 'tough' the experience of school is? Children need to learn how to fit in, but not at any cost?

Hecate Thu 10-Jul-08 20:50:02

Life is tough and children do need to learn that. They need to learn, over time, the realities of life. You cannot protect them from the horrible stuff out there. You can only teach them that it's not about them and how to deal with it.

That's got nothing to do with whether they are educated in school or at home though, imo. A home educated child can still be taught how the world works!

(And bullying is rife in the workplace, btw!)

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO Thu 10-Jul-08 21:00:05

1. you don't necessarily learn to deal with toughness but expeiencing it. There are better ways to deal with a tough life, but especially developing your own sense of self yada yada. There is the oft quoted starvation zone thingy-if your child is going into a starvation zone, do you teach them to cook with limited resources, and fatten them up, or do you starve them so they know what it is like?

2. I just don't think life IS necessarily that tough!

3. Kids do need to learn social skills, yes. HE'd kids are quite capable of being thoroughly vile also (none of my friends kids though obv grin)

4. bloooody hell, what a resounding advert for school, "go there because it is horrible and prepares you for an equally horrible life" hmm. I must say I LIKED school...

AMumInScotland Thu 10-Jul-08 21:07:11

Well, why don't we just send them to work down the mines, or in a carpet factory, so they can get used to that? Or on an SAS survival course?

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO Thu 10-Jul-08 21:08:54

pmsl at equvalency of "the mines or in a a carpet factory"


SIBLINGRIVALRY Thu 10-Jul-08 21:16:16

I'm serioulsy considering HE my DD1, due to some extreme anxieties about school. It bugs me when ILs say things like "she'll have to get on with it, she can't keep running away". They don't see what she goes through on a day to day basis but are so quick to condemn. I'm sure they think I'm going to have her looking mournfully out of an upstairs window,watching the other children playing in the street. wink
What made other MNs decide HE?

Bubble99 Thu 10-Jul-08 21:20:15

Hecate. But if you're bullied at work you can do something about it.

SIBLINGRIVALRY Thu 10-Jul-08 22:05:22

Exactly, Bubble. My DD cries when I take her school and it breaks my heart that she has to cope pretty much on her own for over 6 hours.sad
Life can be really tough but I don't want my DDs to think that school is a penance. I want them to enjoy their childhoods, just as we all do.

jollydo Thu 10-Jul-08 22:35:44

I feel that the hardest time to deal with bullying must be when you are a child and lacking in confidence and a clear idea of who you are. Not to mention when you are in an environment where it is difficult to escape at all, and sometimes difficult to even tell anyone.
Surely if you gain confidence and self-esteem as a child you will have a better chance of dealing with bullies as an adult.
That seems to be shown by the fact that many older children/teenagers/adults who have been bullied ARE lacking in confidence - the bullying doesn't seem to "toughen them up" at all.

Shitemum Thu 10-Jul-08 22:41:17

Is it very unusual to home-school from secondary level on rather than starting at primary level? I would consider homeschooling afer primary. I myself learnt nothing at secondary. And I was bullied.

the mines/carpet factory - maybe she means a carpet factory in India? The dyes used in carpet factories cause massive health problems over time.

julienoshoes Thu 10-Jul-08 23:37:32

I hope educated my children because of their extreme unhappiness at school.
We decided if we could help restore their self confidence and self belief, then they would be able to cope with any thing life throws at them-and they would be in a position to go out there and get what ever they want.

I heard this same old story from another parent yesterday-when she told me how her son had been punched in the stomach by someone at school "but they need to learn to toughen up-life is tough"
SIGH Since when would an adult expect that receiving a punch to the stomach is anything but assault?-and should be treated as such.
When someone is adult and at work, and bullied there is always a choice to leave that job and find another. Or take on the bullies in some other way.
A child bullied in school usually has no such choice.

In my experience of very many home educated young people, they do learn to fit in-they are confident, articulate and successful!

OverMyDeadBody Thu 10-Jul-08 23:44:01

'hope educated'

I love that grin

julienoshoes Fri 11-Jul-08 07:37:55

Yes I spotted that almost imeadiately after I pressed the 'post message' button-but decided I liked it!

jollydo Fri 11-Jul-08 08:08:26

I really feel for you and your dd Siblingrivaly, it must be very hard. Have you met any HEd children near you yet? There are lots of good links on MN to places you can find others, and Education Otherwise is a good start. It might give you a fuller picture and more confidence to HE if that's what you decide.
We are planning to HE our ds1, age 4, and have just started to get out and meet local HEing families. It is really reassuring to find out that so much is going on and they are far from mournfully staring out of their windows smile. Maybe if your relatives knew what activities/groups are out there they would be more supportive?
Yesterday we went to our first outing with a mixed age-range of children, and I have to say that the teenagers I met were very self-possessed, confident and charming. I think they seeemed very well prepared for "real life"

Mung Fri 11-Jul-08 08:35:11

I second jollydo. The best think to convince you of all the benefits of HE is to meet the children. I went on my first outing yesterday and it was fantastic. The children were enough to convince me that when people make uneducated comments about HE they really do not realise what its all about. If they took the time to find out more then they would see its benefits and, whilst perhaps not choosing as the right path for their family, they would understand and respect your choices.

forevercleaning Fri 11-Jul-08 08:46:21

Most definately recommend Home Ed. After dreadful bullying and sapped of self esteem,my DS is happy, healthy and loving life again.

If bullying is the reason your child is unhappy at school, it can do untold damage, which can manifest itself into depression, self harm or worse.

Wish i had known about it before my lot started school as i really don't think I would have sent any of them.

Tortington Fri 11-Jul-08 08:48:33

I Dont think you shoul hie your chilren away from life and for the reasons you have describe - you are oing just that - n case they et bullie - without givin your kis a chance to eal twith the situation

Tortington Fri 11-Jul-08 08:49:37

teh 'd' isn't working v well clearly¬!

sarah293 Fri 11-Jul-08 08:54:42

Message withdrawn

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO Fri 11-Jul-08 08:58:24

yes I suspect though that the "real life" card is more about having a "normal experience" of childhood, ie a similar childhood to the 99.9% of society who go to school

actually I really see this point. Its one of those things that must seem like a huge deal unless you actually know HE'd kids, when you realise it really isn't. Or I did.

Tortington Fri 11-Jul-08 08:59:19

well you have he arse on with me today iven.

i think that seconary school an attending such is a norm for most chilren - yes? a commonality

this is what i mean when refering to real life

i hoped i was using it in the context that the OP herself used.

it wasn't my term

it was hers.

an i think most people took it at the euphamism that it was meant as.

sarah293 Fri 11-Jul-08 09:02:57

Message withdrawn

SIBLINGRIVALRY Fri 11-Jul-08 09:03:24

Thanks for the advice, I think I will look into possibly meeting up with some HEs. It would be great to meet up with like-minded parents. My DD has got a bit of a tummy bug so have kept her at home today and, despite feeling ropey, she is like a different kid - so relaxed and happy. hmm
I don't think that HE kids are hidden away and protected too much. There are loads of other situations where thay might run into difficulties they have to work through.
My DD does ballet and goes to a theatre club. There are plenty of 'strong' characters there and the kids have to learn to assert thamselves.

sarah293 Fri 11-Jul-08 09:04:47

Message withdrawn

TeacherSaysSo Fri 11-Jul-08 09:10:22

riven do you work?
I think you've forgotten that real life as an adult is often spent in a an air conditioned office with barely 10 mins to grab a sandwich which is eaten in front of your computer. You do the work you're given by your boss (which hopefully is something you want to do) and you go home at 5pm if you're lucky.

school is an obvious preparation for working with others and learning to take instruction from those in a higher position than you.

Real life is not some utopia where you waft around all day doing what you want!!!

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