Going from independent primary to home Ed?

(5 Posts)
silkshirty Tue 17-Sep-19 13:14:03

My dd keeps saying she wants to learn at home with me.
I find this terrifying thought because just having her over the summer for a few weeks with no clubs resulted in her becoming a little clingy and not caring to see any other dc.

She’s just started a new school and she’s been a bit nervous so I’m wondering if the comments are because of this.
The only reason I’m even thinking of home Ed is because she definitely learns more with me than at school academically. Her previous school said she was behind in reading and I pulled her up to advance. Her maths was behind so again I spent a lot of time and now she’s ahead and has had external tests to prove this.
At school she falls behind quickly and is often tired and doesn’t engage well in a group setting.
Currently she’s just started year 2 and I’ve already been told she’s digging her heels in and not doing much in class. I know she’s capable but for one reason or another she doesn’t perform at all in school.
I don’t know what to do and also would ideally like dd to end up in a selective school either independent or state and I know it’s early days but not sure if home Ed might affect this in the long term. Also can I pursue team sports to a good level without school? Her current school do sports everyday.

Anyone been here or can offer any advice?! TIA

OP’s posts: |
Saracen Wed 18-Sep-19 04:55:07

I can see you have a lot of issues to think about!

It does sound like home ed would be best for your daughter academically for the time being. If she learns better at home than at school then obviously home ed is a better way to prepare her for entry to selective schools... though of course it might turn out that those selective schools don't suit her as well as home ed and you don't want to send her there in the end!

From your description, I wonder whether there may be some specific issue which makes a group setting tiring and unpleasant for her. That doesn't mean you have to move heaven and earth to keep her at school now and identify the problem ASAP - a more practical solution might be to take her out now and (in view of your plan to send her to school when she's older) explore the possible issues which might be causing difficulties in a group environment.

I don't know the list of things you should explore there but maybe if you post on a busier board someone can help. Hearing springs to my mind simply because my friend was discussing her daughter's hearing problems with me today. Her child can't hear well when there is background noise and has to work really hard to know what is going on, which leaves her exhausted. Or maybe she is distractible and needs a quiet peaceful environment? Or is sensitive to noises and lights, making a school classroom is so uncomfortable she can't concentrate there? Your daughter is very young. If you wait and observe her and experiment over the coming years, it may be possible to figure it out. Or when she is older she may be able to articulate the problem herself - though that is bound to be hard for her because how she feels is normal to her and she doesn't know that other people don't experience the world as she does. Whatever the problem, it's clear that school isn't working for her now.

I find this terrifying thought because just having her over the summer for a few weeks with no clubs resulted in her becoming a little clingy and not caring to see any other dc.

Home ed parents often report that it takes some months for a child to adjust to being away from school. Perhaps you could regard home ed as a temporary thing and give it a good long while - maybe a year? - to see how she will adapt.

Some kids get so used to the highly structured environment of school where they are told what to do all day that they literally don't know what to do with themselves when that structure disappears suddenly. It's a common complaint from parents of schoolchildren, that their kids are bored in the school holidays. The trouble is that though this boredom is likely to be temporary, it can take more than six weeks to work through it, meaning that kids who go to school never have the opportunity to do so.

Some kids don't like spending hours a day with other children, especially in a crowded place. They may find it tiring and stressful. If this is the case, when the requirement to do so is lifted they'll be so relieved that they want a while on their own to recover from that stress before they start craving the company of other kids (probably for fewer hours a day and in smaller groups than they had to do at school). So again, wanting to avoid other kids may well be a phase which needs time to get past, rather than a permanent condition.

Team sports - sounds like your dd's school does far more sport than a state primary would, and you see this as a bonus. It's difficult to replicate that wide range of daily sport elsewhere; my area is unusual in having PE-type home ed sports lessons but it's only once a week.

On the other hand if you are talking about a few specific sports then depending on the sport, the out-of-school opportunities could be at least as good as at school, plus you can choose the specific club to suit your daughter best. For example, if she likes football then you could choose from several different local football teams. This will take up more of your time, however, as you'll need to ferry your daughter around rather than dropping her off at school and having it all provided there.

High-level competitive sport is actually far easier for home educated kids to do. I know many HE kids who do this; in fact some parents take their kids out of school for this very reason. As you've seen, home ed is much more efficient than school, meaning you only need to spend a few hours a day at most on academics. That frees up time for sport, so the child needn't be chronically busy and exhausted. And a home ed schedule can be totally flexible to accommodate sports training and events.

youarenotkiddingme Wed 18-Sep-19 05:31:54

Your dd sounds very perceptive to me for one do young.

Not everyone finds a busy environment easy to focus in and learn. I understand she's in public sector but it's still busier than home Ed.
And the fact she learns better at home shows she is aware of her environment and how it affects her - because she's right!
And not everyone enjoys or thrives with social contact. Some find it tiring.

Assuming the indi school is approx 1k a month I'd say HE is doable for you to a good standard. Check out local HE groups and local sports groups.
If needs be employ a tutor for core subjects and or look at online learning programmes and subscriptions.

You may find swimming or gymnastics suits her best because although there's a team element it's an individual sport.

Remember also HE and 1:1 is more intense so 20-30 minutes is approx equivalent to an hour lesson in school.

SciFiRules Wed 18-Sep-19 06:18:15

My son is in a state primary, his writing was a little weak so we worked on it at home and it improved. I don't think that this is a failing of the school. I think that some work at home is always needed. The academic aspect is only part of what primary is about, learning to deal with others and even with places or situations you are not comfortable with is also very important for later life. My son sometimes says that he doesn't like school but he also knows he has to go, if he got the impression it could be avoided, how would he deal with tough situations later?
Being able to go independent is a great advantage so perhaps perceiver, children all learn at the their own rate regardless of setting.

silkshirty Wed 18-Sep-19 09:50:00

Thanks for the replies they are so helpful. I do not think the school has failed at all more that my dd doesn’t seem to be settling into the school regime in general.
I want to go back to work not home educate but I will do whatever is best for her whatever that is.
I am trying to explore the home education option because I can see that dd doesn’t appear to be coping well within the school environment. In the summer she is capable of a lot more than what she gets done at school and worse, she appears to lose confidence in a school setting.

I will definitely have her hearing checked that is interesting. I don’t want to put more pressure on dd by forcing her to school if it’s going to end up with her behind where she could be and with less confidence. The school is good I wouldn’t have chosen it otherwise (and fees >£1k pm so definitely wouldn’t outlay that if thought wasn’t good enough) but my worry is that dd has now attended two schools and I’m having the same feedback from both, she doesn’t appear to be all there in class etc. On top of that dd has asked if I can teach her at home but obviously she is young so I can’t just do whatever she wants. I can completely understand why some people choose to home educate though now, I never thought I’d be considering it until now.

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