What have i done.

(42 Posts)
Jazziejay Sat 25-May-19 04:00:56

Have taken 9 year old out of school. She's loving it but im not sure ive done the right thing? She had a good school and was happy there. Im finding the responsibility of keeping her education up overwhelming plus im missing my free time i had during the day. I use to love the holidays and the fun we had, i never wanted her to go back to school, but im finding this tricky. Mourning my free time now! Shes only been out for 2 weeks. Reason i took her out of school was because she had picked up every bug going after a bad case of norovirus 2 years ago.

OP’s posts: |
CodenameVillanelle Sat 25-May-19 04:05:41

You took her out of a good school, where she was happy, because she had bugs?
Bonkers. Phone the school and beg for her place back.

Longdistance Sat 25-May-19 04:17:01

What were you thinking? All kids pick up bugs, that’s how they get their immunity. I bet she loves being at home, but you sound like you’re not liking. Though it’s early days, send her back to school.

villainousbroodmare Sat 25-May-19 04:31:23

Oh, get her back there as soon as possible! Get her a good probiotic. That's a really silly reason for home educating.
Also, I'm sorry to say it, but if the original post is indicative, your command of written English is not sufficient to school her anyway.

Decormad38 Sat 25-May-19 04:31:46

Parents can have too much power at times!

Namechangeforthiscancershit Sat 25-May-19 04:47:30

You took her out of school because she caught a bug? Wow!

HE works so well for some families but with loads of planning. It really does sound like a whim!

AgentProvocateur Sat 25-May-19 05:48:24

Wow, what an overreaction. I hope it’s not too late to get her place at school back.

HermioneMakepeace Sat 25-May-19 05:53:18

OP, I am sure you realise this, but this is ridiculous. If she was being bullied then fair enough. But picking up bugs is not a reason to keep her out of school.

Send her back to school and address her diet. Does she eat enough fruit & veg? Does she drink too much milk?

floraloctopus Sat 25-May-19 06:37:26

biscuit that is one of the most ridiculous things I've read in a long time. Did you actually think it through ?

enjoyingscience Sat 25-May-19 06:40:36

Good lord, put her back in school. Have you thought this through at all? What happens in two years when she’s secondary age? All kids get bugs.

Saracen Sat 25-May-19 08:16:39

I wonder whether any of the previous posters home educate? You'll find advice from those who have actually been through it will be more relevant.

I don't think you have necessarily made a big mistake, though that's impossible for an outsider to say. This is a huge change for you, and it isn't unusual to have doubts. When children first start school, plenty of parents post in the early weeks to say they are finding that transition rough for one reason or another. They aren't usually told to yank their children out of school immediately. "Stick with it, it gets better, it will be worth it" is the usual advice.

Presumably your daughter's health was really suffering for you to have decided to take her out of a school where she was happy. It isn't "just bugs" if she is constantly ill. For a child with poor resistance to illness, there's no evidence that excessive exposure to bugs is helpful. And it IS excessive exposure. Large numbers of children crowded into small indoor spaces at school, combined with the fact that many other parents feel they have no choice but to send ill children to school, makes school one of the worst places for children who are susceptible to catching things. I've known several children whose serious health conditions meant they were better off away from that environment. Your daughter deserves to be both healthy and happy.

It's early days and while this is an adjustment, you may well find that over time you will adapt to it. Can you find some things for your daughter to do independently so you can have more time to yourself? For example, in my area it will be half term next week so perhaps she could go to a tennis camp or similar activity? Ideally something outdoors, or in a large indoor space, or with relatively few children to reduce the risk of illness.

Have you found a local home ed group? If your daughter makes friends with other home ed kids, you may be able to do some playdates which will again give you some alone time. Home ed playdates can often last all day because the children have more time available. Among my acquaintance group, we often take it in turns to take the kids out to various home ed activities.

You will also get more used to having your daughter around all the time. She will get better at entertaining herself as she works through the initial boredom that comes with a big chunk of unstructured time, after being used to having her days scheduled for her at school. It is fine to tell a child of this age that you need some time to yourself, go into another room for an hour and ask her only to disturb you in an emergency. She will rattle around at first, but after a few months you will notice that she finds things to do with herself, often amazingly interesting things which she wouldn't have discovered if she hadn't experienced a bit of boredom first.

roisinagusniamh Sat 25-May-19 08:22:57

It's not too late to ask if you can re en roll her .
Please do .
I didn't homeschool but my sister did . Her children did not adjust well in later life . For example, neither could cope with Uni .
School, especially if you were lucky enough to have her in a good one offers do much more than education.

Ninkaninus Sat 25-May-19 08:27:49

Sorry but that really is not a sufficiently good reason to take her out of a good school where was happy and happily settled in! It’s a huge responsibility and a very big commitment, not to be undertaken lightly!

Do you realise that picking up bugs is how children develop immunity?

Is seriously get her settled back into school as quickly as possible if I were you. If you’re going to do things like this you need to be doing them for good, well thought out reasons and a robust set of arguments for it.

Ninkaninus Sat 25-May-19 08:28:46

Errors are due to this ridiculous predictive text function.

roisinagusniamh Sat 25-May-19 08:32:11

Well it was done for s better reason than my DS who didn't think her sons were getting a strong enough religious education in s catholic school!
Both are atheist now, btw and resent her for not sending them to school.

Saracen Sat 25-May-19 08:40:17

You say that the responsibility of keeping your daughter's education up is daunting. It is daunting if you feel you have to replicate school. But if you are in this for the long run, that isn't necessary. Home education can look very different from school.

There's no rush. Typically, home ed kids won't learn the same things at the same times as they would at school. They may be "ahead" of schooled peers in some subjects and "behind" in others, but that doesn't matter because they can work at their own pace. You won't be forcing your daughter to push on with something when she isn't ready, as is necessary with large-group instruction at school.

Relax and slow down. Let your daughter take the time to discover what she loves. You could, for example, take her to the library and encourage her to borrow a stack of books which look interesting, with the promise that you'll read the first few pages to her (or she can read them herself) and then she can decide whether she wants to continue with each book. Watch some good videos. If you are stuck for ideas, just post here on the home ed board with a list of your daughter's interests and people will be happy to make suggestions.

Once half term is over and the museums are fairly empty, take your daughter on some outings. Ask other people in your area for recommendations on local places to visit. Or if it's practical for you, you can have a long day out and go farther afield to somewhere she would particularly love.

Do you like camping? There are many home ed camps coming up in the next few months, which provide a great chance for the kids to play while parents chat about home education.

Ninkaninus Sat 25-May-19 08:44:13

I’m sorry but I think it’s ridiculous to keep encouraging OP to continue following the path she’s on when the only argument she had for taking her child out of school is she was picking up a few sickness bugs. That is not a robust rationale for setting one’s child on a path that may have huge consequences for their development and their alter ability to get on well in life.

RitaTheBeater Sat 25-May-19 08:46:20

You aren’t sure whether you’ve done the right thing?

It really sounds like you haven’t done the right thing for your daughter. Home Education is a massive undertaking.

roisinagusniamh Sat 25-May-19 08:53:21

Saracen, may I ask what your reasons for homeschooling are?
Sometimes it is the better option if your child had SEN and the school is not meeting their needs .

magicBrenda Sat 25-May-19 08:55:06

Bloody hell!

JoJoSM2 Sat 25-May-19 09:02:06

It doesn't sound like it's working for you. I'd put her back into school, give her good probiotics daily and seek further medical advice to try and improve things.

LittleSwede Sat 25-May-19 09:04:52

OP you might want to expand a little on why she's out of school, is there more to it than her being ill a lot? Sometimes stress and anxiety in children can affect their immune system so was just wondering if this was the case? Sometimes a bad virus can cause long term fatigue as well which will again affect the immune system.

I actually think you have had some good advice from Saracen and am thinking that there must be more to it than mentioned in your OP.

Stuckforthefourthtime Sat 25-May-19 09:09:58

Home educating can be wonderful. However it sounds like she should be back in school.

It doesn't make any sense that norovirus would have destroyed her immune system. What does her GP say? Is she good at basic hand hygiene etc (sounds obvious at 9, but I find it isn't always!). Are the rest of you getting the bugs, or could it be something else? Things like giardia can look like norovirus but linger in the system a long time.

Even if she's ill often, can you support her education at home when she's off? This sounds like a silly reason to take a happy child from school.

Saracen Sat 25-May-19 09:16:40

roisinagusniamh: "Saracen, may I ask what your reasons for homeschooling are?"

Sure! I first became interested in home ed as a way to delay school start for my eldest, who was a very sociable active child. I could see she was learning quite a lot through play and didn't see the need for her to begin formal learning until she was older; like many parents, I imagined that school might suit her better at seven or so. She REALLY loved play, completely free play. I felt school would restrict her opportunities to play, and would also restrict her access to other children. At the time she preferred the company of older children. She also liked to play continuously with one or two or three other kids at a time rather than in a large group where there were more distractions and it was harder to settle and play one thing for long stretches.

In common with other parents, once I had got stuck in to home education and met many other families who were doing it, I saw all sorts of other benefits. By the time my child was seven, I couldn't see any reason to send her to school. She did try school around the age of ten, to see what it was like, but decided she preferred the opportunities offered by home education. There were things she liked about school and other things she disliked. The deal-breaker for her was that school took up so much time, leaving her without the time and energy to pursue her many other interests. She also felt it wasn't varied enough, going to the same place every day with the same people and having the same lessons day in and day out.

She would have been okay at school, but I think home ed has served her better. So does she; she's 19 now. The fact that the choice was hers was important. It can be argued that young children don't know what's in their own interests and that their parents should make major decisions for them, whether their parents choose school or home education. But I think that in nearly all cases, older children should have the choice, provided of course that their family is in a position to offer either educational setting. I have only ever met a few British home educators who have home educated a secondary-aged child against the child's wishes.

My younger child has special needs and I think school would be a particularly bad fit for her. If pressed to give my main reason for home educating her, that would be the one, but there are many other reasons too.

StrippingTheVelvet Sat 25-May-19 09:47:20

That does sound very positive Saracen. Do you mind me asking, what is your daughter doing now?

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