Think about it but don't know how I can

(13 Posts)
freshstudio Sat 18-Nov-17 07:43:29

I’ve posted a few times about the behavioural issues ds7 is having. He previously loved school and is very bright and wants to learn but this year (yr2) his anxiety, aggression and violent episodes at school has escalated through the roof. He’s struggling with the noise, the expectations, the fact his peers just don’t get him as he’s quirky and interested in chess, maths and reading things way above his year level etc.

The violence at school is escalating and it’s destroying to see him fall apart in front of us (he’s fine at home). Various referrals have gone in but the waiting lists are very long. His GP has recommended taking him out of school for the next week for a period of decompression from the situation. He’s at risk of permanent exclusion and heading to a PRU.

My gut instinct is school isn’t the right environment for him at the moment. He wants to learn bigger and quicker and in a quieter environment than school can accommodate and he wants to be with people who are likeminded not make him feel bad about being different.

If we took him out of school, I worry more about how we would practically do it than anything else. Dh is a full time teacher so can do loads of learning at weekend and holiday times. I work four days a week so would only have 1 extra day with him in the week but what on earth do we do with him the other 4 days? Is it even possible?

He has very involved grandparents who teach him tons about carpentry, science, art, gardening etc and they would be happy to have him for a few days a week but the other 2 days.....I just don’t know.

I’m happy to turn education on its head and fit it in to our lives rather than dictate it and I know ds would thrive in that but I just don’t know how to make it work practically.

Any advice?

OP’s posts: |
ineedamoreadultieradult Sat 18-Nov-17 07:47:19

If he will be learning with your DH 2 days, grandparents 2 days and you for 1 day the other 2 days should technically be days off I would think. Can you find a childminder willing to have him on those days?

fleurjasmine Sat 18-Nov-17 07:49:33

Would his grandparents be able to have him for those four days?

That sounds as if it might be the best option. flowers

freshstudio Sat 18-Nov-17 07:53:01

I don’t think they could manage 4 days - it’s too much of an ask as they have lots of other interests.

A childminder you say?? Are there such things for school aged children??

OP’s posts: |
fleurjasmine Sat 18-Nov-17 08:00:51

How many days might they be able to have him?

I'm not in all honesty sure about the childminder.

trilbydoll Sat 18-Nov-17 08:07:54

My neighbour home educates and a childminder did have her eldest for a while but when she got to 8 she said it was too hard for her to balance her needs with the preschoolers she was looking after. It's worth asking around though, it might not be an automatic no.

They have a part time nanny now who helps them out around her other jobs.

ineedamoreadultieradult Sat 18-Nov-17 08:19:22

You will be surprised at all the varied work taken on by Childminders It depends on the childminder, some may not have any preschool children and only do before and after school, they might like a school age children for a few full days to boost their income. If you find a local childminding group they will be able to recommend those most likely to take on such a role.

lilyfire Sat 18-Nov-17 08:23:21

I home ed my children and we used to use someone for childcare one day a week, until my eldest was about 11. She would take them out to home ed groups, so they could socialise/do a sport. She'd also then do tea for them, sometimes at her house and sometimes at ours. I know home edders who have used similar childcare for 4 days a week - with their children being taken to lots of home ed groups.

freshstudio Sat 18-Nov-17 08:32:42

That’s really interesting. I will look into those possibilities.

Im actually surprising myself at how relaxed I feel about him getting an education. He’s so bright and engaged in leaning in smaller groups and when it’s self directed for pace etc. I know he will learn from anything he is exposed to.

I’m more worried about mental health and socialisation really.

OP’s posts: |
Saracen Sat 18-Nov-17 11:38:38

Yes, a childminder is definitely an option, and is a popular option in such circumstances.

You will find that home education requires FAR fewer hours than school for the education side of things. One-to-one attention which is at exactly the right level means learning is more efficient. As you've observed, your son loves to learn. He does not necessarily need someone directing his learning all the time. (I have a child sitting in the same room with me at this moment puzzling out how to read the words in a video game she is playing. Earlier today I overheard her working out how much money she had and how many weeks she would have to save to buy a toy she wanted. Before that she was soving chess puzzles and thinking about the coordinate system used in chess notation. And before that she was playing with a gear toy and observing how to change the direction of rotation by adding in more gears. I haven't been helping her this morning.) When under less stress, he will learn even faster.

In your circumstances the challenge is all about finding suitable childcare while you and your partner work. The childcarer doesn't have to be providing formal education. Yes, there are childminders who take older children. They are commonly used for after-school childcare, but they can also look after older kids during the school day.

Personally, I think an ideal solution would be a childminder who is home educating. Such a person would already know about local home ed groups, could take your child on museum outings and for social gatherings, and may have older children of their own for him to play with. This is what I did some years ago, and it worked brilliantly for us. My dd became friends with the CMs' children. The CMs had plenty of fun educational resources at their homes.

So, in addition to asking local CMs if they could take your child, you could start with your local home ed group and ask if anyone there is a CM or if they know a CM who takes home educated kids.

In my area there are several home ed parents who are CMs. There are also CMs who are not themselves home educating, but who look after home educated kids, either alongside younger children or on their own.

freshstudio Sat 18-Nov-17 15:03:48

Thank you Saracen - that’s all really useful.

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MammaTJ Tue 21-Nov-17 21:47:51

My DD tells me (and I have seen from her worksheets she brought home) that she would only get two or three questions answered in a lesson. She now does maths and English every day at home and has to do them until she achieves 100 points on IXL website. That means she has to get a lot right in a row and very few wrong in a row, so proves she is secure in the knowledge. She is doing far more, in a lot less time.

Also, I read monkeymum.blog/2015/09/13/time-is-precious/this which explains how much time is 'wasted' in school, not due to poor teaching or anything like that, but just in the process of trying to get an education and the conformity required for that into
many children at once. It will help you see how little actual 'formal' teaching is necessary!

As for the practicalities of who will look after your child, I think you just need to have a good look around and see what there is available.

MammaTJ Tue 21-Nov-17 21:49:11

Clicky link... monkeymum.blog/2015/09/13/time-is-precious/

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