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Taking my son out of school tomorrow...

(14 Posts)
MilesJuppIsMyButch Mon 22-May-17 18:26:18

... and I suppose I'm after some hand-holding.

I've name-changed for this, as it's utterly outing.

DS is 10, and coming to the end of year five. He's never liked school. He struggles socially, and -although he's bright - has real problems concentrating.

He also tends to have quite a depressive outlook. If one thing upsets or angers him, everything else is tarred with the same brush.

For example, if someone upsets him at a party, then he'll decide that the whole party was awful, even though he was clearly enjoying himself up until the upset happened.

We've tried counselling, CBT, lots of contact with the school, a hobby that he's passionate about, encouraging social contact with play dates.

Anyway, it's become clear to me over the last few weeks that he isn't just getting nothing from school any more.

He lies wake at night worrying, he's developing nervous tics, cries at nothing, talks about suicide.

He's ten years old for gods sake. No-one should feel like that at ten years old.

I was going to take him out in year six, but there has been an incident today with his teacher keeping him in at lunch time because she felt he wasn't engaging with the topic she was teaching, resulting in him bursting into panicked tears and struggling to breathe. He was then snapped at by another teacher, who told him that his class teacher was being too patient with him.

I've decided to keep him off tomorrow, and just not send him back.

Obviously I will contact the school and explain why, without histrionics or finger-pointing.

Has anyone else been through this?

It would be really good to hear some positive stories!

I'm in and out doing my dd's bath time, but will read responses and respond when I can.

Phew.

MilesJuppIsMyButch Mon 22-May-17 18:51:56

Bumps hopefully.

EllieMentry Mon 22-May-17 19:00:15

I hope it goes well for you and your son.

I took my child out of school at a slightly younger age than yours and I could have written a lot of your post. It was the best thing I ever did and my child is a very happy adult now!

School is not for everyone and home ed was great for us. I also know plenty of children who were very happy at school so I don't have an issue with schools per se, but it sounds as though home ed is the right choice at the moment for your son.

EllieMentry Mon 22-May-17 19:01:12

So sorry you have both had such an awful time but hopefully things will be much better for you.

Mermaidinthesea123 Mon 22-May-17 19:01:33

I wish I'd been in the position to take my son out, he hated school.

OddBoots Mon 22-May-17 19:11:10

It sounds like the right thing to do, I never had to withdraw ds as he just didn't start school at the normal time, he was 7 when he seemed to have enough self belief to cope (at 4 he was a ball of self loathing, for no obvious reason although he was later diagnosed with ASD).

Do you think you will apply for a secondary school place for him in September and decide closer to the time if he is ready?

twofalls Mon 22-May-17 19:11:28

Do you think there could be undiagnosed SEN? My dd was diagnosed with dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder in September and a lot has fallen into place since then.

Not to say you shouldn't take him out. It sounds like the right thing right now. Just maybe worth exploring. We paid privately for an assessment with an OT.

CrunchieFeeling Mon 22-May-17 19:21:57

I home ed my six year old DS and I intend to home ed my 2yo DD too.

Are you on the facebook group's? They're very helpful and supportive.

This is just a different path that's all. Plenty of different ways to get to where you want in life.

A word about the letter - take the template letters on the facebook groups and tweak them to make sure you include all the required legalities and think carefully about any details explaining your reasons. If you've made up your mind, think about the benefits or downsides to going into detail.

Advice I always give includes - you might find that learning doesn't always look like you thought learning had to look like. I never thought about it much but vaguely believed learning happened in school on weekdays during term time. After thinking though, I believe that the idea of life long learning is a better model so that's what I try to show my children me doing. My son doesn't learn in specific hours in specific places. He learns inconveniently at 6 in the morning or at bedtime. You probably aren't going to recreate a school at home as such - after a few years I decided that I was heading towards a child led method where I support their interests as much as possible. You can find maths in history and chemistry in cooking.

What method works at one point doesn't seem to always keep working for us. DS had at times worked well with worksheets (currently hates them!). He currently enjoys helping me made big displays on subjects he chooses. Previously we went through an experiment phase where we did lots of experiments. He likes certain YouTube channels. If he's interested, he can get absorbed.

MilesJuppIsMyButch Mon 22-May-17 19:29:29

Thank you so much everybody.

Wrt SEN, that's been ruled out by all the professionals we've seen so far, but he certainly would appear to have some traits.

It's made me a bit teary reading all your kind replies. It's all a bit overwhelming atm.

We will apply for senior school, and decide closer to the time, I think. I suppose I'm hoping the next year will act as a kind of reset, and that we can repair some of the damage to his self-esteem. He used to be such a happy, confident little boy!

I've done a bit of Facebook investigation, and also know another home-schooling mum locally.

I'll have a look at the letter template this evening. Thanks for the heads-up!

Waddlelikeapenguin Mon 22-May-17 23:22:14

Be sure to follow all the legalities so there is nothing for them to pick at wink

HE is fantastic for our family eldest is 9 & we've never done school . Good luck!

ShiningArmour Tue 23-May-17 16:10:32

I deregistered my ASD dcs the other week, I used a template letter off a home ed site. Dcs much happier and no self harming, wish I'd done it years ago!

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Username44 Fri 23-Jun-17 09:14:05

Taking my daughter out of her primary school towards the end of year 5 was the best thing I've done.i wish I'd done it earlier ! There are some VERY bad primary schools. Build back your child's confidence, I've managed to do this with mine and she will start senior school in September.

socksonradiator Sat 24-Jun-17 12:06:28

I'm so sorry to read how desperate you and your son have become but I honestly believe that no matter where you go from here, you've taken the first and the hardest step to improving both of your futures.

From reading your post, it's obvious that school wasn't working out for you and your son.

It is frightening at first but you will soon see your 'old son' coming back and know you made the right decision for him.

As you said, give him time to 'de-school' and find his feet again, then work together to decide what path to follow next.

There is so much help and support available out there for home-edders, both personally and educationally, you'll soon realise that you're far from alone!

I'm so sure you've made the right choice and wish you both the very best for your brighter future smile

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