This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Dd is anxious, nervous, shy and has no confidence. Would home ed make it better or worse?(5 Posts)
Hi, I was hoping I might be able to get some opinions on this please?
My dd is six. She was a very confident toddler. We live in Wales and here children start full time school on the September before their fourth birthday so dd was five months short of her fourth birthday when she started full time at nursery school.
She just didn't suit the school environment at all. She immediately changed from a very outgoing, happy little girl to being very anxious, shy and clingy. It was a shock because previously she'd been to a daycare nursery that she absolutely adored and couldn't wait to go to every day.
I couldn't believe the change in her. Everyone told me to persevere and that she'd improve but after six weeks it had gotten worse, she'd be up every night crying about going to school the next day. So I took her out of school. I put her into a little private nursery for two days a week instead as I wanted to ensure she had some socialisation and was prepared for going back to school the following year. However she'd scream going in on those two days and was still unhappy at home. Not sleeping and very clingy, having nightmares, just generally worrying and being sad.
Fast forward to now, she's six and in year one. And she has never gone back to her happy, confident self. Despite the fact that she's in a lovely school she clings to me every morning and begs not to go in, wakes up through the night not wanting to go in the next day. She has no confidence or self esteem, she is nervous and shy. I wish I'd just kept her home or in daycare when she was three, I think full time school was such a shock to the system that she hasn't really gotten over it. If she'd started a bit later on she might have been happy going.
I want my happy little girl back, although it's been almost three years now so maybe she won't come back
My gut is telling me the best way to help her would be to take her out of school, at least temporarily and build on her self esteem and confidence and help work through her anxiety.
However another part of me worries that taking her out of school would make her worse. Would it make her less resilient in the future? And more sensitive and clingy if she's at home with me 24/7?
I work from home so logistically it is possible (although convincing my DH would probably be a stumbling block).
Any advice would be very gratefully received.
I've seen people's confident children come back. It can take time, and sometimes for them to get sufficiently older that they can process the trauma of separation too early.
In fact, it's kind of not a thing in the HE circles I mix in. As in "I'll need to stay with billy in the class/ at the activity/ wherever" would be met with "oh, OK, normal" rather than with ROD FOR YOUR OWN BACK!!!
Take her out, she can then separate at her own pace. And I agree, there are lots of parents sitting in HE classes with children aged 9,10... whatever.
Home ed made the world of difference to my ds. He was so shy and literally wouldn't speak to anyone. Now he's so good at socialising! People often comment on it. Pm me and I'll be happy to chat with you x
Trust your gut.
As someone else said kids wanting a parent near is utterly normal in HE circles. DD1 was 7 before she was OK without me (even for swimming lessons I had to be visible!) but now will go to groups on her own or with another HE parent (the 2 yr old isnt compatible with all the activities!) happily. DS is happy if DD1 is there but not happy to go on his own other than swimming lessons (but he's part fish...) & is nearly 6.
We have a friend who is 9 & won't go to anything her mum can't go to - no one bats an eyelid